still my child

He had many of bad habits
He was trying hard to break
And every time he thought it got better
He would make another mistake
Though he knows he's far from perfect
He is trying to live right
He asked me to ask You Father
Would You hear his prayer tonight?

He said tell him that I really need him
And I really want to change
The next time you talk to God
Would you please mention my name
Oh, tell Him that I really love Him
And although it's been a while
Ask Him for me am I still His child

I asked her how she was doing
She said not so good lately
Then I told her girl you know
You can always talk to me
She said these days haven't been so happy
Haven't had much peace of mind
Now I know that I should be praying
But I haven't had much time

So could you tell him that I really need him
And I really want to change
The next time you talk to God
Would you please mention my name
Oh, tell Him that I really love Him
And although it's been a while
Ask Him for me am I still His child

I know the answer to your question
Yes the Father still loves you
But sometimes when you have children
You don't always like what they do
So when you go to your heavenly Father
Say Lord I love You
And when you ask Him for forgiveness
This is what He'll say to you

I sent a message in the wind
When the birds sang their song
And when you went to sleep last night
I told the moon shine all night long
Just wanted you to talked to me
And I know it's been a while
And to answer the question
You are still my child

Psalm 6

A psalm of David.

O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.
Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.

My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?

Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.

No one remembers you when he is dead.
Who praises you from the grave?

I am worn out from groaning;
all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.

My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
they fail because of all my foes.

Away from me, all you who do evil,
for the LORD has heard my weeping.

The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts my prayer.

All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed;
they will turn back in sudden disgrace.

blessing in disguise?

most people suffer from monday-itis (definition: a condition where the sufferer dreads monday mornings and feels so lazy to go to work. tend to be sleepy and irritable for at least few hours until lunchtime). "most people" would include me. and this morning, it was an especially bad case of monday-itis.

6.12
i woke up early, sleepy and cranky... i showered and got ready for a long day. packed my lunch, drank a glass of warm milk with honey then realized that it's time to scoot off. i prayed a little prayer while i walked out the apartment, "God, please let today be a great day" (which i usually just rush out of the house and forget to do)

little did i know what would happen today...

7.09
at the tram stop, i saw this number 70 tram approaching from flinder st west. the tram took bloody 2 minutes to reached the stop [irritant #1], still, i got on the tram, hoping that i wouldnt miss my train.

7.17
literally ran from the tram stop to platform 2 flinders street. i hope i didnt miss it!! the 7.17 belgrave train!

shoot...

i did miss it [irritant #2]

so i sms-ed bambi telling him that i would be late. but guess what? 30 seconds later he was standing next to me... we both had missed the train! [irritant #3] oh well... what to do... we sat and just wait.

7.42
we got on the next belgrave train. i was staring absentmindedly at the window. bambi dozed off.

8.36
"the next station is ferntree gully"
i woke bambi up and we started making our way to the clinic.

8.45
finally, we've reached our final destination!! and still have 15 minutes before the first patient. things are not so bad after all :)

however, fiona just had to be the bringer of bad news. she said that she's not sure what to do since our supervisor, dan, has called in sick today, so we shouldnt set up the surgery yet until she talked to the practice manager. she came back in 2 minutes and told us that we're free to go home and do some study. [irritant #4] great, i spent $4.74 and 54 minutes to spend only 5 minutes at knox. roaarrrr! angry!

10.00
reached southern cross station just in time for my metcard to expire. first good thing that happened after the series of misfortunes :D

oh wait, it's not the first. earlier, our exasperation had me and bambi waken up completely from our sleepy and drowsy selves, and decided to resume our routine in-the-train quizzes and discussion, so that all the troubles we had to go through this morning a little bit worthwhile. so we started arguing and discussing about various dental topics, from reverse pull headgear, OVD and class 3 to why calcium hydroxide is contraindicated for primary teeth pulpotomy, to the point that we were laughing at each other trying to imitate class 3 profile. ah, i feel my heart got a bit lighter, as well as slightly enlightened in basic orthodontics. then i realize that i am actually pumped up for studying after our little session.

then...
i come to a realization. maybe God reads my blog too (just kidding, i'm just being silly) but remember how in the last posting i said i was tired? He knows. and He lets me have a day off today. excellent! just what i needed. a day off to study! yayyy!

today was not great to start with, but i'm glad i have the time to study and chill off a little bit. well, a nice twist from the usual rushed routine.
God did hear my lousy little prayer.
it's gonna be a great day~

16.25
allie is happy~ i studied for 3.5 hours without any interruption.

tired

it's Saturday. not even 7 in the morning yet and i am wide awake, with some aching muscle and slight runny nose. God, i hope i'm not falling sick. i rolled and rolled in my bed yet i couldnt go back to sleep coz my body clock has been unwillingly conditioned to wake up at 6 something. so i crept out from bed to my desk and said hi to my lovely pc.

yesterday L shared about her week in FA.
and to my delight she posted it online.
it has been a blessing to me to see my sis grows in the Lord~

as she has pointed out, this is the final weeks of the semester for us, students. it's a difficult time for every type of student. those who has been working hard will put more effort to finish all assignments and studying for finals. those who has not been working hard will start to work hard to catch up.

in terms of revision, i have plenty to catch up. many times i wanted to study after a long day of clinic and church, i ended up falling asleep, just because my body couldnt take the physical strain anymore. life is not just mere uni, but also ministry, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry and taking care of my freaking hardworking sis who wouldn't remember to eat when she has turned her working mode on.

take mondays for example, i go to knox to work in the clinic from 8.30 to 5, so i need to wake up at 6, get ready and catch the 7.17 train from flinders, then after a long day of drilling and filling, hurry back to the city for menado and discipleship, then cook the very-late-dinner (probably should call it supper) and sometimes has no strength already to do the dishes. i'll be thinking, "man, i'm bloody tired... i need a break..." so i'll just go online for a while, check facebook, some blogs i follow for new updates, realestate.com.au (which has been my favourite website for the past month)... and then sleep coz the next morning similar sort of cycle repeats. study? it has to be either forced or squeezed somewhere.

however, considering the crazy cycle i have to go through everyday, i still can smile. i am still absolutely healthy today although kinda drained physically. i am still sane and have perfectly sound mind to process all those therapeutic guidelines, endodontic diagnosis, dental materials and whatever study i can squeeze in. i am really grateful for the mini quizzes i have with bambi on the train back from knox and whitehorse. it's a good revision for both of us and it makes revising so much fun. you wouldnt imagine how much i hated him for his sleaziness years ago. now i treasure him for all that he is has shaped me into the me who can withstand any person, hehe.

everyone is tired. it's not just me.
but L's sharing really strengthened me.
especially what she said after all her doodads.
"i'll be fine, He's with me" (L, 2008)

I THANK GOD :)

yes, i am ready for a new day.

why we have to go through the fire

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=88128425084&ref=nf

humans are social beings, 2nd edition (revised and improved)

yeah people, this is the revised version of the note i posted in my facebook. it wont be exactly the same but it will still be about the same thing :)

some recent conversations with some random people led me to think about how everyday we meet different people.
and we talk to them.
and we interact with them.
thus we make friends.

it's inevitable since we are social beings, we will always need others. however, do we treat other nicely? do we treat other nicely just because we need them? or we even dont treat people nicely at all!?

JC told us to love our neighbour as ourselves. have we obeyed him?

let's discuss few cases:

case #1:

i was chatting with my sis while we're strolling in the city, in the midst of lunch rush, we came to this conversation on how sometimes people expect one to treat themselves nicely while they themselves not doing it. even the secular world have this principle "what you want people to do to you or for you, you do it first to them or for them". otherwise, you will live in one disappointment after another, living in too high expectations of people will be kind to you when you are just sitting there doing nothing.

case #2:

do not judge a book by its cover. cliche? yet so true. 2 days ago on the collins street tram, there was this little italian lady trying to find her way to bourke street. guess who helped her? not one of those executives clad in armani suits, no. it was this aboriginal woman who ended up chatting with me and the little old lady. surprised? no. people can look nice but they might not be nice at all.

case #3:

how if you're trying to be a nice and good person but somehow circumstances keep playing their trick on you? like a recent experience of an undisclosed source. she lost something. not her fault. then she found out who took it. no one believes her. what could she do? get angry? what for? my own experience told me that all evildoings will have its own punishment in the end. there's no need to worry too much. pray for that person to repent and just keep going on with what you have.

case #4:

i had a conversation yesterday that reminded me on how i take on this matter in life.

bambi is my faithful clinic partner, who at times can be irritating and he knows it (that he's irritating at times). but still, we're in very good term (coz we spend 5 years working together) and we even think that we are the dream team! he usually fall asleep when doing suction for me, which everyone in dental now know as a common knowledge :p anyway, we were in a taxi, the three of us, me, deb and bambi, and we were chatting away till we struck this topic... it goes abit like this...

deb : "i love working with jane [her clinic partner], she's the best nurse!"
bambi : "oh, me and alice is the dream team..."
deb : "everyone will say that they and their partner is the dream team!"
bambi: "yeah... but the thing is, we're the dream team because alice has just so much patience with me. the way she wakes me up if i fell asleep suctioning is just like calling "bambi... bambi..." she's never angry or shout at me..."
alice : "well, i guess... i don't like it if someone scold me in front of the patient and i guess you wouldn't like it either, so i won't do it to you..."
taxi driver : "this is spencer street station, where do you want me to drop you off?"

now you know my stand.

please note that it is not that you have to be nice first SO THAT people will be nice to you. i just think that, isnt it nice to be nice to other people? it takes less muscle to smile, thus less effort, than to frown. you never lose anything by being nice to people. maybe experience taught you that being nice is just a waste of time, everyone will just end up using you. you know what? i dont care~ i have lost things by being nice to people but those are just temporary things, i dont care, honestly. i feel happier being a nice person than a grumpy person.

yeah, to quote L, a sincerely nice person is a rare gem. if you befriend one treasure him/her. but what's better is for you to be one. personally, i think we should just be nice to everyone, yet still, be firm when you need to. be friend with everyone, accept them the way they are, along with their weaknesses. we have weaknesses too, dont we?

let's learn together to be a good friend.

united by grace

funny how KD should mention unity again in menado.
what say you about this?

we are united as the body of Christ and because we have Christ as the head, the body should obey what the head say right? but sometimes, no, many times we don't! how come the body of Christ does not obey its head? It is just not right.

KD shared about how we were created not just as a human-knowing (i don't think such word exists, but let's use it just for the sake of making my point), but human-beings (now u see what i mean...). we should not just know the Word of God, well yeah it's good but not good enough since it doesnt fulfil our purpose of creation, we must be the beings of the Word of God, and that, can be achieved through doing.

it's like playing tennis. first you know the theory. then you have to keep doing it, as in practising, the you can be it, like, for example, roger federer. if you never do it and you give up from the start, you will never be it, like me (i learned how to play tennis once, can never hit the ball, even the ones i throw myself, then i decided that tennis is not for me :D).

lesson learned?
keep on doing and doing and doing until you can be the true body of Christ~
it's not easy and it needs effort, but hey,

"But by the grace of God i am what i am
and His grace to me was not without effect.
No, i worked harder than all of them
yet not i, but the grace of God that was with me"

we have HIS GRACE.

building blocks

"unity is not uniformity" (PCT, 2008)
we are all different building blocks that makes the body of Christ and Jesus is the head. like a lego.

i'm the impulsive little block!

no worries

often we are over-familiarized to a verse that we tend to forget what it really means. take this one for example:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life...
...Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Matthew 6:25a,27

so, yeah, although i did not know about the global financial crisis until KD mentioned it in the sermon this morning (pardon my ignorance :p now that i know i think i worry more), i was worrying for quite a lot of things. in fact, i think about too many things. not exactly unnecessary things to think about, but it is unnecessary to worry too much about such things. and today's word is exactly the answer to my worries.

i have read this popular verse so many times. but to truly understand its meaning? maybe not. it's easy to say amen to God's words when we are in a comfortable position, when circumstances dont push you around. we say, yes, God is good, coz life is so good at that moment.

but to say that God is good when you have so much to worry about?

that is something to learn.
to put all hope and faith in our Lord.
to be rest assured that He takes care of His children.
maybe what He provided for us is not what we want, but hey, God knows best.

as for me, i am dreading this transitional period, from student life into profesional life, from old apartment to new apartment (which i havent even found yet!), from the the dependent me to the independent me, but then again, JC is with me. and He said that each day has enough trouble of its own, why should i worry if i have God who will sustain me? as long as you seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

I THANK GOD for giving me just what i needed.
p.s. i know this is random, but if God is an Aussie, He will say "no worries, mate!"
lol, hope you are all blessed too!

TYS rocks!

i cried when i saw so many people stood up and gave their life to JC.
awesome.

the devil doesnt like it

one thing i learned long time ago but just recently realized that it actually happens, is that the devil doesnt like it when you are encouraged to grow in the Lord.

there will always be something, may it be circumstances, people, problems, disappointment or whatever, that brings you down, hinders you and stops you from coming to the Lord, when you are just about to be one step closer to Him.

everytime we level up spiritually, something is bound to happen.

my something was...

losing my wallet on sunday! right after i found my reason to keep going!

surprise surprise! i didnt even think of it that way until today's kudo. but what c yuli was saying regarding this matter rang a bell in my head. it's like "oooh maybe that's why it happened..." i'm not putting all the blame to the devil. well, he is to blame for all the corruption in this world, but arent we humans are to blame to? we have free will to choose which one we want to follow yet we still chose him instead of HIM.

anyway, before i went too far off the track, yeah maybe i lost my wallet because the devil didn't like it to see me encouraged to keep serving my Lord (plus my own carelessness :p). but I THANK GOD, coz... it was not too troublesome at all for me to get my cards back. i made few phone calls, visited few places (which luckily are all in the city) and by today i have regained my student card, bank cards, medibank cards, apartment access cards and stuff. and there were so many people lent me a helping hand, some two. i am grateful.

so, the lesson learned today is not merely "everytime we level up spiritually, something is bound to happen" but most importantly to "hang in there when it happens" coz God is with us through it all. what's more, to quote what one of my friend was saying "even [the] more reason to keep going cos it means u're heading in the rite direction!"

...and, final advice...

dont ever put ur bag behind your back!

the reason to keep going

i have been a translator for about 2 years.

it is not that i'm getting sick of this ministry nor i am bored nor tired of doing it. i still love it. yet, there are times when i feel unsure of what am i actually doing, week by week, sitting there at the very back of the auditorium, translating the words of our beloved KD, ko denny and many other excellent servants of God who came to preach in our church.

questions like, "am i doing a good job? do people actually understand me?" and most importantly, "was the message delivered properly?" keep popping out in my head.

just this afternoon, after the service, c yuli introduced me to david, a lovely old chap who uses translation every week and what he said encouraged me so much. a simple "i was blessed" and "i understand very clearly" were all that i need. it has not been in vain, my partaking in God's grand scheme for this world.

i THANK GOD for giving me the reason to keep going.

pivotal circumstances

this is pretty much why God allows those things to happen in our life:

http://northpoint.org/messages
click on the picture of the tree and listen to the one titled pivotal circumstances.

the restoration

that happened about 5 months ago. now i am back serving the Lord, more than ever.

...for me to be able to recuperate in such short period of time, it's nothing but God's doing. it's His miracle in my life :)

i said before, that i ran to JC. yes i did. most likely because the ones who broke the news were spiritual leaders from my church and they led me into prayer immediately after spilling the beans. they led me to forgive him straightaway and not to wallow in anger, sorrow, disappointment, resentment, and ultimately bitterness. I THANK GOD for that! however, still, as human as i can be, never i felt so hurt! i might not be able to trust any guy anymore. nor love.

so, after the incident, i was in Shepparton for one whole month. it's kinda like a blessing in disguise. in such unreachable place, i dont have to answer questions about the his whereabout, what is happening between us two, what is happening to him and so forth, and, it gave me time to be alone, to think over what had happened. what's more, i was there with a bunch of crazy, fun-seeking people, typical aussie youngsters, my uni mates. what other distraction do i need?

then, i came back to melbourne. no one asked me anything. and i said nothing. maybe they dont really know what happened, maybe they were told not to ask me anything. i dont care. I THANK GOD for that coz i wasnt ready to say anything. i started to work harder in my ministry, tried to do more and more, merely as a measure of escaping and keeping myself busy enough not to think about my misery.

but, JC is just so wonderful!
as i drawn close to Him - although with the wrong intention - He CAPTURED me.

Winter camp, July. i did expect to get something out of the winter camp. i was really needing JC. eventhough i have forgiven that guy from the start, there was still something holding me down in my heart. i was still a sad little person, living life with a smile in the facade, trying to be strong. i thought i couldnt cry anymore, but i was wrong. during one of the session, i cried again like i've never cried before. yeah... like some idiot. the paper i was holding in my hand, that we were suppose to tear, was so soaked in tears that it ripped by itself. God's love was so overwhelming that i came to understand what it means to surrender, what it means to trust and what it means to love.

yeah, back to melbourne, i thought, my heart's been mend. yay!
God is really God who met my expectations.

but that was not all.

He doesnt only meet our expectations, God always do more!
He did not only healed my heart, He also added to it!
never in my life, i want to serve the Lord more.
never in my life, i have the heart to pray for others, to serve others, to love others. i used to be a very insensitive and selfish person.
never in my life, my heart is so aflamed!

i just want you all to know, that our God is an amazing God, who loves us more than anything, that He gave His only son to die for us. for all of us. yes. everyone. no matter how deep u fall, He is always able to lift you back up again.
i can tell you for sure. have you all not read my story?
i was betrayed by love, JC gave me a new love, His own love, and that is sufficient for me.
i am not afraid to love anymore.