allie's trails of thoughts

love letter

2011-09-07T07:22:00.002+10:00

Dear Daddy,

You see not my iniquities,
and love me dearly.

You lifted me from miry clay,
and cleansed me from my sins.

even when i stray,
You do not leave me.
You search and call for me,
and take me back to Your embrace.

and what price You paid?
the expensive blood of the Lamb.
Your own Son You did not spare,
for the filthy me, You did not.

i will love You forever and ever,
for You loved me first.

renewed passion

2011-08-29T11:02:00.010+10:00

when i received my calling and promise a month ago, i did not understand. i did not know what to do. how can i be so soaked in the presence of God? how can i draw closer to Him? the desire grew, more hungry, more thirsty each passing day. it seems like it's never enough no matter how hard i try to spend time with God. i want more and more and more. i struggled, and never satisfied.

yet God has been so gracious, He did not leave me alone. right after that, KD started his series on the presence of God. was not easy but slowly it opened up my eyes and directed my heart into the right direction. ultimately, the presence of God is the person of God. knowing Him will bring you to constantly experiencing His presence. so i began the quest of knowing God, the very person whose presence we so long for.

i found myself more and more buried into His Word, as i am delving deeper and deeper to know Him more. there is an unquenchable thirst that can only satisfied in knowing Him alone, though knowing Him fully can only happen when i meet Him face to face later in eternity. thus my current life shall be filled with hot pursuit of knowing God. knowing the person of God in entirety.

i found Him in the Word. i found the Father in the Word, from beginning to the end. i found Jesus in the Word, from beginning to the end. i found Holy Spirit in the Word, from beginning to the end. and what's more, since He dwells in us, He is always speaking to us, quicken the Words in our hearts, bringing them up daily, in any circumstances, be it good or bad, happy or sad, joyful, tearful, fearful. and for that to happen, we ought to have a reserve bank for the Words in our heart, don't we? otherwise, where will the Holy Spirit draw those Words from? hence, the source of my hunger. i even attempt to memorise parts of the scripture, although i would be still considered a noob to ko asuy's standard. haha~

this is not something new. this is something we know long ago. reading the Word is something we probably have been doing for many years, although unfortunately without any zeal or passion. i have been reading the bible since i was thirteen (that is more than half my life), yet never with such intensity. for the first time i found real joy in reading the Word, meeting God in them, letting Him speak to me, and keeping those messages in my heart.

go back to the basic. devour His Words with passion and fervency, with a longing heart, with such humility to say "Lord, you know better than i do, teach me" and Words will jump to you! He will reveal Himself to you!

"The law of the LORD is perfect,
refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The decrees of the LORD are firm,
and all of them are righteous.

They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the honeycomb.
By them your servant is warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.
But who can discern their own errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.
Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then I will be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."

Psalm 19:7-14

read Psalm 119 too if you have some time to spare. i pray you will be so into the Word as the psalmist. be blessed!

disclaimer: this is but one facet of truly knowing God. there are many ways He reveals Himself to us. don't stop praying or worshipping Him. keep pursuing Him, friends :3

love, again

2011-08-18T11:18:00.006+10:00

a scripture for when patients are annoying and you've already got a headache, when they demand, when they make you feel like strangling them. or maybe when your boss pushes you around, colleagues are not doing their job and you end up in loadshit of things to do. or maybe when your husband, wife, brother, sister, children get to your nerves.

remember...

God is love. and God's love is in you.
He loves them the same. and so will you.

and remember that...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

do not mistreat them, even when you think they deserve it.
be a witness of love instead.

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

it got me through last wednesday :3
ah, be blessed!

joy of the redeemed

2011-08-17T22:57:00.003+10:00

The desert and the parched land will be glad;
the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.
Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom;
it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.

The glory of Lebanon will be given to it,
the splendor of Carmel and Sharon;
they will see the glory of the LORD,
the splendor of our God.

strengthen the feeble hands,
steady the knees that give way;
say to those with fearful hearts,
“Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,
He will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
He will come to save you.”

Then will the eyes of the blind be opened
and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
Then will the lame leap like a deer,
and the mute tongue shout for joy.
Water will gush forth in the wilderness
and streams in the desert.

The burning sand will become a pool,
the thirsty ground bubbling springs.
In the haunts where jackals once lay,
grass and reeds and papyrus will grow.

And a highway will be there;
it will be called the Way of Holiness;
it will be for those who walk on that Way.
The unclean will not journey on it;
wicked fools will not go about on it.
No lion will be there,
nor any ravenous beast;
they will not be found there.

But only the redeemed will walk there,
and those the LORD has rescued will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

-Isaiah 35-

Jehovah Jireh

2011-08-16T19:23:00.002+10:00

my Father in heaven provides. at the right moment. just the right need.
i know He watches over me.

Why should I feel discouraged?
Why should the shadows come?
Why should my heart be lonely
and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion?
My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches over me.

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
for His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me.

"Let not your heart be troubled",
His tender word I hear,
and resting on His goodness,
I lose my doubts and fears;
though by the path He leadeth
but one step I may see:
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches over me.

presence-103

2011-08-08T11:33:00.012+10:00

our amazing God is full of new revelations each day. the Holy Spirit truly reveals secrets of the Father to us as we walk with Him. i was so blessed with KD's sermon last night, it pieced another puzzle in the great mystery of God.

i was very tired yesterday, came in fifteen minutes late into the 4pm service, straight off a four hour drive from lakes entrance, with red nose and perpetual sneezing, a broken body, yet a hungry spirit. i was so worried i would not concentrate during the sermon and then wouldnt get anything. i was worried for nothing! it was a struggle to keep my eyes open, head buzzing and banging inside, and God is still so good. His words are ever so sharp, spoke right through all those hazy distractions into my heart.

time for lesson three!

the presence of God is not just "here" in church building, but also "there", everywhere else. is not our God omnipresent? how much will our lives change, relishing on this truth? in the presence of the Lord, there is fullness of joy, thus our lives will be full of joy. there is restoration, peace, hope, and so much more! everything the Word says about the presence of the Lord is applicable in our daily lives, because He is here with us, even here with me when i'm crouching ala "abang2" on my chair, typing this message.

furthermore, KD also said, when we're in the presence of the Lord, we will worship automatically. one cannot not worship in the presence of God (please read carefully, double negative on purpose :p). it is a given. thus, true worship is continual too. everyday, every moment, our hearts offers thanksgiving and praises to Him. worship is our adoration to God, not supposed to be something we strive for.

His presence is grace, above everything. it is not us who control it through our worship, through our song selections, through our mood building. it is all by the grace of God. what i am taking home, is that, we truly need to live a life of intimacy with Him, in full obedience, to be pleasing in His eyes. when we do, man, i believe God cannot wait to pour out His grace to us! He loves us so much, u know...

so, one thing i will pursue, is to desire Him, to know Him more and more each day. to walk in intimacy with Him. to soak, be immersed in His presence. to bury myself in His truth, His Word of truth. to be one after His own heart. i pray my heart will never be satisfied, that i will crave, thirst, hunger and long after God, every day of my life. coz i know there is so much more of Him than what i will ever comprehend. i dont think i can have enough of God.

let us be always humbled to bow down before Him.
worship God with your lives, for He is already here with us :3

sharing from sydney :3

2011-08-08T11:05:00.001+10:00

sharing from another brother of mine!

...today i hope to humbly share about being still.

Last time i thought being still meant sitting down in a quiet room and soaking and meditating in God's presence. It was true but recently i received a revised understanding from God.

Being still essentially mean letting the Spirit reign over our flesh.
Walking in spirit and truth no matter where we go and what we do. That is being still and knowing He is God. Regardless of circumstances, location and companionship. When we shower we (our heart) can be as still as the water even though our hands are scrubbing our hair. Even in victoria market, in the midst of shouting and shuffling, we can still be still and be totally calm and peaceful. The key is to deny ourself and let The Spirit of God reigns in us and tell us what to do.

When we are still, we receive Freedom, Discernment, Revelations, Wisdom, Knowledge, Awareness, Sensitivity, Presence of God, Confidence, Humility, Peace & Joy, Love, Calmness and serenity, Heart and mind of worship, detachment and enlightment and most importantly, we receive God Himself. Even better, devil cant attack us or tempt us when we are still in God. *In stressful situation we will remain calm, joyful and loving and we will not be frustrated and be tempted to swear, tear and be dispaired*

The key is to be still and to deny the flesh. Being aware that God is in us. Being still is an everyday, every minute, every second business. Not a business only meant at home in the room, within the prayer closet. No! It is everywhere as the Father is omnipresence! The water is always still as it follows the current. The water itself doesnt move. It is the current that moves the water. Our flesh are not supposed to move by itself! Our flesh is supposed to shut up and let the Spirit guides us. It is the voice of the Father/Spirit that instruct us to move. We have to be still as we wait for direction and guidance from the Father. The Eagle, have to be still as he waits for the Wind (God) to glide and propel him further forward.
Be still everywhere in all you do and wait for instructions.

Here in Sydney, in the midst of boredom and slumber and inactivity i begin to ponder and complain! Tuhan aku bosen! Tuhan bawa aku jalan jalan! Tuhan whats my assignment in Sydney...Tuhan ini Tuhan itu...Then God (i think i annoyed Him) finally taught and told me that it doesnt matter where i am, what i do or who i am with. They dont make any difference. It is God that makes all the difference. The difference is that "I, The Father, am inside you"...so shut up, be still and know I The Father am inside you and in control.

I am sharing this as approppriate because God is taking us all to the next spiritual level. I.E. He is starting to feed us real food.
Hence lets be still and be aware of the Father in all we do.

Finally, i am thankful and happy that God is working and changing all of our heart. We make the choice to run to Him but the Father is the one that change us. Let us all open our hearts and run to Him. Let us all perpetually BE STILL and BE AWARE of His presence and wait for His counsel. All glory & praise to Him alone. Amen.

A little cheeky secret of God The Father.
God the Father loves to be busy answering prayers and when He is busy with prayers, He wont have time to think of other ideas (cheeky ones as well)...:D...so Lets keep God The Father busy with our prayers and intercession. Because if we dont have prayers for Him to answer then The Father become so free He starts becoming cheeky and starts planning some cheeky ideas (I.E. Moving people overseas just because He wants to...matchmaking people.... :D)...LOL...He is laughing now as i reveal His secret to you all. He is adorable! Hahahahah...also...when we pray....be super duper specific! He is a very detail God! :)

Enough for now! i am heading to the city after this to explore more of Sydney! Yay! Be blessed everyone! :D

On a note! Having said all that, may i add that it is important and crucial to soak in Him and to spend personal quality time with Him daily! and to worship Him in spirit and in truth no matter where we go! Actually they work hand in hand together.

S.H, 2011

An essay on Exodus: A similarity between the Israelites and our mentalities

2011-08-08T10:56:00.003+10:00

too much of a scientific title? well, the following essay is written by my researcher friend, a good friend of mine. i thought i will share it here too. i pray it truly opens our spiritual eyes to see, and if we've seen, let us learn to really see :3

Have you ever wondered how does it feel to be blind? Moreover, have you ever wondered what will happen to someone, who were born blind, when she/ he received an eyes transplant?

Interesting question isn’t it? Will that person recognise whatever/ whoever in front of him/ her? If your answer is a yes, well sadly, you do not understand the gravity of the situation. This person was born blind so how could she/ he identify anything that she/ he never seen before? As a matter of fact, this is not a hypothetical experiment. A gift of vision to someone who is visually impaired is no longer a fantasy. Many research have been done in this area and, believe it or not, a prototype which relies on grafting electrodes into parts of the eye, which can allow signals to be sent to the brain and be interpreted as visions, is being developed at the University of Melbourne. It is called project bionic eye. Granted, this is more like an implant rather than transplant (google the definition for both to see the difference). However, with the rapid expansion in technology, wouldn’t you think it is possible to make the blind see in the future? Personally, I think it is possible!

Now, let’s come back to what will happen when someone see for the first time. Put yourself in that blind person perspective. You have been living blindly, literally, for 25 years. You open your eyes for the first time. You see an image, a vision.. of something, or maybe someone. You see that the thing is moving towards you. You can see the part of the thing is moving and you can hear something coming out from the moving part. “Welcome to the real world” is what you hear. You have no idea what that thing is. You, however, recognise the voice as the doctor that has been treating you. You bring your hands towards the moving part. You start touching it, feeling it. You move your fingers around and realise that you are touching the face of the doctor. Suddenly, you realise that it is really the doctor that has been treating you for the past couple of months. Now, you begin to relate the vision and the touch, a process which every baby goes through at their early stages of their life. Congratulations!

So far, so good. Now that you can see. Then what? You need to start learning. Alas, learning is not fun. You have been so use to identifying things with your sense of touch and hearing; vision is so weird. As much as you enjoy looking at everything around you, you do not know what they are. You cannot even identify your loves one without your sense of touch or hearing. You need to touch and see things at the same time and memorise the name of the things that you see.

You begin to lose faith in your vision although it has been the greatest gift in your life. You begin to think that life is much easier when you were blind. You can manage your way around your house or even the streets better with your sense of touch compared to your newly granted vision. You begin to be feel frustrated..

It is up to you how you would like to continue the story. Would you take the easy way out and live your old ways of life using the sense of touch? Or would you rather persevere with your new gift?

Well, I hope that I have given you a glimpse into a life that, hopefully, none of us has to endure. Maybe you start asking why am I telling you this story. The point of this story is to illustrate the similarity that the Israelites felt when they came out from Egypt as detailed in Exodus. I have a confidence that most of us know the story of Moses who led the Israelites out of Egypt into the Promised Land, Canaan. Throughout the journey, we read that the people of Israel keeps complaining. They complained that the life in the dessert was harsh. They complained that God had forsaken them, when in fact He did not. They even built an idol and worshipped it, although God gave a clear message that they must not worship any other Gods. They did all these despite the Grace of God that had given them a freedom from slavery. At one point, they even started asking Moses to led them back to the Egypt; to the slavery.

The mentality that the Israelites had back then is what I called the slave mentality. They had been enslaved for too long that they did not know how to treasure freedom. Think back to my example of the blind person, that person too has a slave mentality. He has been enslaved by the blindness for too long that he could not treasure the gift of vision. In both cases, the Israelites and the blind person thought of going back to their old ways of life; throwing away the gift of freedom that God has given them.

I pondered through these illustrations when I was in a car on my way back to Melbourne from Lakes Entrance. Suddenly, I realised that we, too, have the slave mentality. Alas.. I know that none of us has been enslaved by disabilities or physical slavery but ALL of us has been enslaved by sins until we accepted Jesus in our life. Interestingly, we were enslaved by sins without even realising it until we met Jesus in our life. He liberates us from sins through His death at the cross. He gives us the promise of His salvation. He promise an eternal life for those who believe in Him and do His works. However, very often we prefer not to obey His command. Very often we succumb to the very sins that Jesus has died to free us from.

We often make excuses with God; excuses that lead us to sins, i.e. those that we have been enslaved with. Our slave mentality often lead us to think that we cannot escape sins. Let me tell you this, if we cannot escape sins, Jesus death at the cross would have been in vain. His death would mean nothing because He could NOT beat sins and deliver us from eternal death. You see the reward of sins is death and yet, we still commit sins. Such a contrast. And, this stems from our slave mentality. A mentality that dictates us to live the way we live before. A mentality that says small sins is fine. At least I am better than those non-believers, or so you think. Well, guess what, sins are real and those who commit it would still reap its punishment. Take a look at David’s life. He is a person of God. He loves God and God loves Him. However, when He committed adultery, the punishment was still there. Another example is Moses. He committed something which many of us would consider “minor”. He struck the rock with His staff to provide water to the Israelites when God asked Him to speak to it. Despite everything that he had done for God, God punished him by not allowing Him to enter the Promised Land. Can you imagine how sad is that? Put yourself in Moses’s perspective. He was old. He had spent at least 40 years in the dessert because of the Israelites did not obey God, a sin that He did not commit. He had to put up with the complaints from the Israelites through all those time and yet, one small sin (an act of disobeying God for the first time) prohibited him from seeing the fruit of his works. Sadly, in other words, knowing and accepting God in your life does not mean that you are free to commit sins. The purpose of Jesus death is not for us to use as a credit against every sin that we commit.

I am NOT perfect! I am not writing this article because I am perfect and start pointing my finger at you and condemn you and your way of life. The reason I am writing this article is to remind each and every one of us who reads this article that the devil can work in a very subtle way. In fact, it can be so subtle that we may not realise it until we are drown in sins. That is why I am going to leave you with this verse from Psalm 4:23: Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Remember people, always guard your heart and do not be careless with it! Lets repent from our way of life that is wrong in God’s eyes and start living the way He wants us to live. He still loves us. If not, we would not have sacrificed His only Son to liberate us from sins.

I pray for those who read this article (including myself) will be blessed by God and step closer into His Kingdom.

S.T, 2011

Jesus paid it all :)

2011-08-04T11:31:00.003+10:00

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim;
I’ll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb.

And now complete in Him,
My robe, His righteousness,
Close sheltered ’neath His side,
I am divinely blest.

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow’r, and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone.

When from my dying bed
My ransomed soul shall rise,
“Jesus died my soul to save,”
Shall rend the vaulted skies.

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down,
All down at Jesus’ feet.

how can you identify a woman who fears the Lord?

2011-08-03T09:09:00.002+10:00

another gem from desiringgod.org, based on Proverbs 31.

First, a woman who fears the Lord is not anxious about the future. Look at verse 25. I love this line, and I praise all you women who are like this: "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come." Satan dangles in front of her the specter of tomorrow's troubles, but she glances up at the almighty God at her right hand (her magnificent German Shepherd!) and laughs at Satan's folly.

Second, the woman who fears the Lord has practical wisdom. Verse 26, "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." We've been taught from grade school on that "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" (Proverbs 9:10), so it's no surprise that the woman who fears the Lord "opens her mouth with wisdom."

Third, the woman who fears the Lord is strong. Verse 25, "Strength and dignity are her clothing." Verse 17, "She girds her loins with strength and makes her arms strong." She will be morally strong. Proverbs 23:17 says, "Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day." The woman who continues in the fear of the Lord will have power to resist all the allurements to envy, to desire what she shouldn't have.

Fourth, a woman who fears the Lord will live not for herself alone but for others, especially her husband, if she is married. Verses 11, 12, "The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not harm all the days of her life." A woman who fears the Lord will not squander the family's livelihood on frivolous purchases, but will have the complete trust of her husband because she is for him and not against him.

click here for full sermon :3

love and faith

2011-08-03T08:21:00.012+10:00

God is so gracious. there are always lessons to learn everyday if we want to listen to Him. sometimes we just need to drop everything down and listen. sis said, God whispers from time to time :3

i was humbled yesterday. God keeps dealing with my pride, my vilest, most prominent vice. He said, humility is the key. if i wanna soar higher with Him, i've gotta bow lower. less of me and more of Him.

if you read one of my recent posts, i wrote about God's promise to me, that's kinda awesome, since God always promises awesome things. yet, He gave me the second lesson, presence-102, straight away :p

i was in the prayer tower yesterday, expecting great things. i did receive something, however not in a way i expected. we were deep in worship when this thought flashed into my mind. "hey, who do you think you are that you can pull God's presence down?" man! it's so true! who we are to think that God's presence comes down because of our praises and worship? it is up to Him, isn't it? He is sovereign! and, it really is up to Him whether He wants to manifest His presence or not. it is all by grace. we can only plead, ask for His grace and mercy. and we can be so bold to ask, also all because of grace Himself has come down to reconcile us with God. the blood of the true sacrifice, the true High Priest, sanctified us to enter that sanctum sanctorum. it was humbling, really humbling.

so, if it is up to God to manifest His presence, why would He does it so very often for us? i cannot go to any other conclusion but love. God loves His people. God wants to be intimate His people and wants His people to know Him with passion and fervency. God's heart will not stand if His people cry out to Him with all of their hearts. He will surely come down to meet us. just like the Father who ran to meet His prodigal son. we cannot reach Him, so He reaches down. isn't it beautiful?

the danger of being overly "spiritual" is that we tend to rely on our feelings or emotions about things. do we feel moved? do we feel something stirred up in our hearts? i firmly believe that is one of the way God speaks to us, a way the Holy Spirit reveals God's mysteries to us. what i also believe is that there will be "dry" times in the sense that i will not be able to sense anything, although by faith, i believe God omnipresent is always with me, in here, in my heart. this is when my faith is exercised, "the just shall live by faith".

o how precious faith is!
it is "confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."

i did not feel God's presence as i would usually felt last night.
but i felt love. His passionate, zealous, rapturous love :3

thank You, Lord!
i really can't wait for what's to come!

let's keep pursuing Him!
keep adding to our faith with the hearing of the Word and experiencing His glorious love, every step of our way, till we meet Him face to face <3

all the ladies!

2011-08-01T11:37:00.001+10:00

A message for the ladies that came out from last night sharing too. and funnily the messages came from two used-to-be-cheeky men, haha.

Ladies are going to be the cornerstone of each family. If we are right with God, our families will be strong too. If we are not right with God, our family will be weak and it will be very easy for the devil to sneak in and destroy our family. Women are to be the backbone of their families. We need to be properly equipped to raise a new generation who is God fearing. The rearing started from the family, and that is why being mothers is very important. If the mother is not right, it is impossible for them to lead the children to know God from early age.

Women tend to be more sensitive to God’s heart and more sensitive in general. Be the backbone of the family, through prayer, praise and worship. Women who worship, hahaha, just like BIC’s ladies fellowship.

For the younger generation, please respect yourselves, and men will respect you. For goodness sake, cover up. Show not what does not need to be displayed. Respect your bodies too. Once your trust is violated, it will be difficult for you to trust God. And if you cannot trust God, how can you love Him fully and have an intimate relationship with Him? Mothers, guard your daughters, teach them well in the Lord. Oh, in this vile world, immorality reigns and who will enlighten them with what is righteous if not the people of God? The families of God?

So remember ladies, you’re important. As important as men, maybe more, hehehe.
Guard your heart and your body well.
Be blessed!

if we love Christ...

2011-08-01T11:16:00.001+10:00

from Desiring God.

J. C. Ryle writes:

1. If we love a person, we like to think about him. We do not need to be reminded of him. We do not forget his name or his appearance or his character or his opinions or his tastes or his position or his occupation... Well, it is just so between the true Christian and Christ!

2. If we love a person, we like to hear about him. We find a pleasure in listening to those who speak of him. We feel an interest in any report which others make of him... Well, it is just so between the true Christian and Christ!

3. If we love a person, we like to read about him. What intense pleasure a letter from an absent husband gives to a wife, or a letter from an absent son to his mother... Well, it is just so between the true Christian and Christ!

4. If we love a person, we like to please him. We are glad to consult his tastes and opinions, to act upon his advice and do the things which he approves... Well, it is just so between the true Christian and Christ!

5. If we love a person, we like his friends. We are favorably inclined to them, even before we know them. We are drawn to them by the common tie of common love to one and the same person... Well, it is just so between the true Christian and Christ!

6. If we love a person, we are jealous about his name and honor. We do not like to hear him spoken against, without speaking up for him and defending him... Well, it is just so between the true Christian and Christ!

7. If we love a person, we like to talk to him. We tell him all our thoughts, and pour out all our heart to him. We find no difficulty in discovering subjects of conversation... Well, it is just so between the true Christian and Christ!

8. Finally, if we love a person, we like to be always with him. Thinking and hearing and reading and occasionally talking are all well in their way. But when we really love people we want something more... Well, it is just so between the true Christian and Christ!

Holiness, (Darlington, England: Evangelical Press,) 247-249.

so blessed, i can't contain it!

2011-08-01T11:03:00.003+10:00

Dear beloved,

I have a little sharing for you from last night, when we gathered for Stan's farewell. Mr. Hanitio humbly obeyed God and prayed for us one by one for three hours non-stop, and I want to share what I have been blessed with, to you, Cui and to all of you whom I believed have been as blessed as me. I sort of don’t know where to start now for there are so many things I want to share. I will pretty much pour out my heart here, so if some are too personal, feels too close for comfort, I apologise.

Cui prayed that I am currently being shaped and molded into who God wants me to be, so there are struggles in my life. I believe all of us is continually shaped and sanctified throughout our lives, so this was pretty generic. That’s what I thought, at first, but he continued with more.

God will use me to lead, to be a leader, which sort of my situation at present although I lead in a small scale. Since he called me to be one, He’s going to equip me for it, thus all the process of shaping and molding aforementioned. Still following?

Then, this is what overwhelmed me and I found it hard to believe at first. God is going to use me to bring God’s presence wherever I go. Wow. It is a great privilege and a great responsibility. I am still amazed. Why? Why me Lord? Why would You want to use me? I am dirty, sinful, unworthy to bring such holiness and glory down, “Woe to me, for I am unclean, not just my lips but my being, heart, mind, body and everything!”

Yet this is His promise, and my God keeps His promises. It made me realize that the grace I understood all this while, in fact, is even greater, beyond comprehension. The immensity of God’s love, the greatness of His grace and the power of His blood in our salvation and redemption is beyond what is fathomable. He does not see me anymore; the Father sees Jesus’ righteousness that is imparted upon me. He truly restored us to our original purposes. And all by grace. Nothing from me, at all. Thank you Lord for the cross, for Your amazing love!

He asked me to deny myself and love Him more. Denying self so that He can pour out more of Himself into me. So that when people see me, they don’t see me, they see Jesus. Denying self so that I know that it is not me, not my work nor the work of any man, but the work of His Holy Spirit alone, and that all the glory goes unto Him. So that I will not take pride in this very cool task He entrusted me. Haha.

Few weeks ago, in discipleship we were asked to write down what God has called us to be. Man, I was pretty clueless of my calling at that time, I just was not sure at all of what I should write. We were given few minutes to pray. So, I did, and just wrote the desire of my heart at that time. I want to be a woman after God’s own heart. And it is coming true!

“Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4) I really believe this. No, I don’t just believe, I’ve experienced it. And I tell you one thing, when the Lord is your delight, you don’t want anything else but Him. For real. You don’t truly delight in the Lord when your heart still craves for material things.

Furthermore, God opened up a scripture to me this morning, about the vine and the branches. Jesus is the true Vine and we are the branches. Attach to Him, and we will bear fruits. Detach from Him, and we will wither and die. We need Him, not just everyday, but every hour, every minute, every breathing second. John 15:1-8

As I shared with Stan last night, daily communion, relationship with our Lord is vital. It is like breathing. It is like the vine supplying the branches with all the nutrition they need. No favour, anointing or blessing that will flow if we are not attached to the source. And it is continual. A flow is continual. We’re given to give and we need to keep being refilled to keep giving, to keep functioning. All God’s promises are conditional, provided we stay with Him, close to Him, very close to Him. There must be intimacy, between you and God alone.

Oh I am excited for the forthcoming movement of the Holy Spirit! There will be more great things to come and I am looking forwards to more experiences and more sharings!

Be blessed :)
God loves you!

xoxo
allie

after God's heart

2011-07-20T13:58:00.003+10:00

dear Lord, You chose to love me
there is no escaping Your love

a battle within me, torn my insides apart
heart aching, wanting yet not willing

my soul cries for Your fellowship
my spirit groans for an intimacy

too long have i denied those yearnings
my spirit's longing, my soul's desire

my flesh would not yield, it would not let go
of what it had loved, self and ego

too late to go back, for no longer i belong
once i tasted Your sweet love, there is no turning back

where can i go from Your Spirit?
where can i flee from Your presence?

finally surrendering i come
not by might, not by strength, but by Your Spirit o Lord

draw me near for i want to love You
to be in the embrace of Your presence once again

to feel the joy of meeting You face to face
to drown in Your love, to lose myself in You

so here i am, take it all
i am learning to let go
so that i can love You

with all of my heart
with all of my soul
with all of my mind

artistically lacking

2011-07-18T13:25:00.002+10:00

so sorry i am lacking the flair for artistic expressions :9
could not even helped sis with her exhibition bio.
on the other hand, sweet jess is the best in expressive writing.
her story's a blessing too!
enjoy :)

flowers gleam and glow~

2011-07-18T09:24:00.008+10:00

been doing some research on floriade. mum loves flowers and she's coming over late september with daddy! hurrah!! found that it's not only the floriade but there will be a nightfest too!! aaaaaa really wanna go now! a weekend trip is definitely on. now have to coax boo into going too. could use a "local" guide :p

oh what a love

2011-07-14T23:00:00.005+10:00

You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
-psalm 139-

God's crazy love for us. He knows me all too well. He knows what is inside my heart. He knows what i want which is not necessarily what i need. He knows that i need Him. He knows what is best for me. thus He drew me near. and i cannot escape Him, who is waiting for me with outstretched arms and abounding love. won't it break your heart to have such love? i am so sorry Lord for grieving You. oh i learned today what is important for me and what's not. You do know best. all i need is You. yes Father i will come <3

psalm of thanksgiving

2011-07-11T18:13:00.001+10:00

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.

Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.

For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

sharings and thoughts post wake-up wintercamp! get excited!

2011-07-09T09:49:00.007+10:00

hi i'm back from wintercamp! juko, lois and apu was requesting live tweet but my mobile could not get any reception up there in the mountains :( so now i'm gonna write all in this note, and that would be better than limiting the sharing into 140 characters, no? :p

it was such a great camp! i've been to four wintercamps. i played during the first one, being so young and ignorant and not so serious with God yet. i was restored during the second camp because that was right after a heartbreaking situation in my life. i struggled and was so down and God healed my heart. i decided to serve in the third wintercamp and so i did. God touched me there, confirming, yes you are loved. now this fourth one was to equip. it was no ordinary wintercamp. it was a spiritual bootcamp. spiritual military training camp.

few months before i go, i had a lot of confusion about my own faith. i have been serving God for years, and somehow i have this stirring up in my heart, is this it? there seems to be more. people around me are growing spiritually in such an acceleration, i want it for myself. i can tell the Holy Spirit is moving mightily, even way before the wintercamp started. i want to be serious with God. God dug out one by one things i should have done for Him and things i should not do anymore. i obeyed, with struggle yet with perseverance too. i still want more.

a lot of people have been talking about their calling recently. it made me think. what about me? God wouldn't put me on earth just to do the mundane things of daily life. life is more than this. He created us with a purpose right from the very beginning when He planned us. He knows what he's gonna use us for when He weaved us in our mother's womb. i sort of know, but i don't know, do you get what i mean? i believe God will equip us when He's using us. and i believe too, that the talents God put in me are for His glory. everything that i can do is to be used for His glory, just like the parables of the servants with five, two and one talent. in the end, we are accountable to God. yet, i feel that it is more than this. i feel this is a starting point, but what God will do in our lives will be more amazing. it will be things beyond our expectations, beond what our eyes has seen, our ears have heard, our mind has ever thought of.

i was hungry for God, but i doubted myself. will i be able to pursue God with my whole heart? i am a sinner. yes the blood of Jesus has redeemed me, but i still struggle with daily sin, like in Romans 7:14-25. i am a wretched person.

i want to meet God. i want Him to encourage me and tell me "keep going my daughter, you're doing my will". i want to have the assurance that i am loved. i want to know if my faith is pleasing in His eyes. i want to know what He is calling me for. i want to be equipped to be his worker, because i won"t be able to lead my FA with this kind of unsettled heart. if i don't know what i am, who i am in God, how can i lead other people to Him. leader must set example. and i am burdened to set a good example. one that is pleasing in God's eyes.

yes, i am a leader if you're wondering. i lead a COmmunity Of Love, "cool" or family altar, "FA" as we call it here. i lead choir. i serve the Lord. i sing. i translate. i used to write, not as often now though. being in these positions made me struggle with pride. this is the first thing God wants to deal with. i have many more reason to be proud. i'm a dentist. i'm no dumb girl. i have a loving family. most people in church know me because of the extensive ministry i do. God knows pride is inside my heart, because i feel that i am "someone".

He deals with it everyday, reminding me through His word and also the people He put around me. i made an agreement with a friend, if we start getting proud, the other one must rebuke. i thank God for such companion in Christ. i learn to be humbled everyday. and it's not just me. pride prevails in my FA. we're a bunch of intellectuals, at risk of being so full of ourselves. one day we prayed for FA, and i got an impression in my heart that this FA needs to be humble. there's too much pride. and surprise, surprise, before i got the chance to share with my FA members, KD shared it in his sermon on Sunday!! isn't our God wonderful?

anyways, i better go back to sharing about the camp.

the first day, first session, pastor John Mendez started with this topic: God's calling. wow! this is for me i thought... but as the sessions go, even continuing on to second session, i felt, "wait, this is nothing new. i've heard all of this before. God, i knew all this". even into the second day, it's another thing God has taught me about recently. the Holy Spirit, our counsellor and the teaching Spirit of truth. again?? i asked God. but suddenly i understood through this joke. pastor John shared with us his life story, how he became a pastor at the tender age of twenty and he only had three sermons to share each week. one know-it-all guy came to him one day and asked, "hey pastor John, do you know any other sermon?". pastor John was caught off guard, but he said "yes". then the guy asked again, "when are you gonna preach the fourth sermon?" and pastor John answered, "when you have practiced the three sermons". everyone was laughing but it got through to my heart like a dagger. yes Lord, i've only learned about these things not long ago, i haven't got the opportunity to plant them deeply inside my heart yet. "do what i've taught you first, then i'll lead you to the next step." i thank God for every confirmation He gave me. do you know that everytime God spoke to me through His words, He does it twice, or sometimes thrice? He knows i reason too much, so He always gives me more than one evidence :p my omniscience God. He knows me so well.

it's the same thing with ci Betty's sessions. one after another, confirmations after confirmations. this time i just said, yes Lord, i'll pay attention in your "classes". we even had a girl talk session. how we talked about being a women of God, and one of the verses was taken from Proverbs 31. did we not talk so much about it lately? especially with you, cui? :p

second day, second night was so powerful. His Words were so powerful, i believe it is changing my life forever.

Colossians 2
I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no-one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.

Freedom From Human Regulations Through Life With Christ
So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no-one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. For in Christ all the fulness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fulness in Christ, who is the Head over every power and authority. In him you were also circumcised, in the putting off of the sinful nature, not with a circumcision done by the hands of men but with the circumcision done by Christ, having been buried with him in baptism and raised with him through your faith in the power of God, who raised him from the dead. When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having cancelled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.

He forgave us all our sins!! and this is what He wants us to have a complete understanding of. the fullness of Deity in in Christ and now that Christ is in us, we have a God-given authority over our lives. we no longer live in sin. we have been delivered! and although we maybe have struggles, the enemy is no longer in us! now... satan will keep trying to rob this back. oh, he doesn't like it when we're with God. and this is what is called the spiritual warfare. but you know what, we're already victorious. Jesus triumphed at the cross and greater is He who is in us that he who is in the world! this truth is so liberating, He took away all my doubts :))

and boy... God was there all the time. the tangible presence of the Lord was so strong in that place, no one wanted to leave, come the third day. but hey, we are equipped to be an influence in the world, not to seclude ourselves in the mountains, so up we went, hopped on the bus and back to civilization.

another thing i learned about myself, is God trusting us with different things and what He has trusted to me is different from other people. some receives visions and images of the glory of God. at times i was envious. but now i realise, i'm getting sensitive to God's heart. i am learning to share God's heart, God's emotion. i can tell when He's happy, when He's sad, at times when i'm really close to Him. and i hope that it will be everyday. now i don't ask for anything else but for His will be done in my life. there is no point of getting envious of other people. God works in a mysterious way, my human mind will not comprehend, so i surrender it into His hands.

one more thing! no one, no servant of God ever prophesied for me when they pray for me! four wintercamps. various events when we invite guest speakers and preachers. not once. guess i have to do it the hard way and ask God to tell me Himself... :s

i m so excited and i am so excited for FA. sorry FA peeps, i will share exactly the same thing again on friday :p thank you for reading. hope it is not too long. and hope it blesses you :)

xoxo

allie

denying self

2011-06-18T09:14:00.002+10:00

there are two things i have to beat every morning.

first, my self.
and then, the cold.

otherwise God cannot work in my life :(

psalm 85

2011-06-17T08:03:00.001+10:00

1 You, LORD, showed favor to your land;
you restored the fortunes of Jacob.
2 You forgave the iniquity of your people
and covered all their sins.
3 You set aside all your wrath
and turned from your fierce anger.

4 Restore us again, God our Savior,
and put away your displeasure toward us.
5 Will you be angry with us forever?
Will you prolong your anger through all generations?
6 Will you not revive us again,
that your people may rejoice in you?
7 Show us your unfailing love, LORD,
and grant us your salvation.

8 I will listen to what God the LORD says;
he promises peace to his people, his faithful servants—
but let them not turn to folly.
9 Surely his salvation is near those who fear him,
that his glory may dwell in our land.

10 Love and faithfulness meet together;
righteousness and peace kiss each other.
11 Faithfulness springs forth from the earth,
and righteousness looks down from heaven.
12 The LORD will indeed give what is good,
and our land will yield its harvest.
13 Righteousness goes before him
and prepares the way for his steps.

that was uncalled for

2011-06-08T14:05:00.001+10:00

how do you trust someone who does not trust you?
how do you respect someone who does not respect you?

total surrender

2011-06-06T14:49:00.000+10:00

"I am kissing goodbye to my dream;
By Faith i am embracing onto His will;
My heart is full of sorrow;
For my love i have to let go;
I have no knowledge of tomorrow;
neither do i know what is to follow;
But He is the saviour of my soul so:
I am praying Let Thy Kingdom Come;
I am saying Let Thy Will be done."
- S.H 2011 -

baby sis

2011-06-01T13:27:00.003+10:00

elpple

launching this sunday at rose st. artist's market, 60 rose street fitzroy :) opens from 11am to 5pm. do not miss it!

a piece for the soul

2011-06-01T13:21:00.004+10:00

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

-psalm 51-

wake up!

2011-05-18T18:39:00.007+10:00

i took a sickie on monday. yeah i know. it's bad. and i am lazy. i was too tired and it was too cold. i hated my current manager for squeezing in fifteen minutes appointments and overloading my usually pretty cruisy days. it too a toll on me physically and affected me mentally. i was unhappy. so i took the sickie with little guilt.

but then, these words came to me thru boo.

"1 Pet 2:13-25, 1 Pet 3:1-7

I actually read 1 Pet 3 first, but you need to read 1 Pet 2 to really understand. so initially, Peter was talking in 1 Pet 2:13:

"Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men..."

But by no means does it mean that we have to be a pushover or do all the wrong things that this authority commands us to do, but instead to "Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover up for evil; live as servants of God." (v16). This particular passage is full of confirmation on how to do our work, how to be citizens of this country. For all of us who are working / looking for work, take heed to this passage:

"v18. Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. v19. For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is concious of God. v20. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. v21. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps."

I'm sure all of us who worked has experienced this before; where we feel so tired, scared to go to work even, for various reasons: too exhausted, too stressed, too sad, too much pressure, etc. But it's a timely reminder that the bible said to do our best and submit to our authorities, not to do it for them or ourselves even, but for God. Wouldn't knowing this gives you a different, better purpose to wake up? take note though, it's not only that this is an encouragement; this is an order! verse 21 said that we are called to this, as an example of Christ! But do not be afraid; He who called you will also strengthen you for good works, because He will never give us anything beyond our power.

We can find out more of His reasons for this, in 1 Pet 3:1-2 "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over wthout words by the behavior of their wives, v2. when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."

I'm not talking about the relationship between wives and husbands, but clearly, what rings true in this verse rings true in the previous passage (clue: in the same way). We are ambassadors of Christ! in the end this is what we are called for: to bring glory to His name, and it's not at church.

I'd like to share that this is a great time for me to ponder, because honestly, today I really felt scared of going to work. our company have an audit on this week, and it's a very important one. On top of that there is so much work to be done. I was seriously considering not coming to work today due to the stress. but then this passage 'talks' to me, and it gives me a renewal of strength and mind. Bring it on! Come what may! It will be God's Grace that sustains me! so I woke up today, went to work at peace, turn on my computer and I prayed. Now, nothing is going to scare me as long as I am in Him! I am only His servants; He will give me the resources I need to pull through, and all glory be only to Him

Have a blessed monday and week everyone!

Ben"

i was shamed. we both faced the same challenge to leave the comfort of home and especially those warm doonas, but he overcome and i succumbed. what makes the difference? the words God spoke to him thru the bible.

this tells me how important it is to start our day with God. He equipped us, with His personally fitted provision, new every morning and always more than enough. i did not understand this before. i thought it was enough to have some sort of fellowship with God, doesn't matter morning or night or whateve time during the day as long as you do it. but without realising it, that perspective makes me turning the relationsip into a duty. as long as you do it, eh?

we need to truly understand that we need Him every day, every hour and be desperate enough to say, i will not take a step without You. there will be new revelations every day and this is the lesson i got and i want to share with you this week.

many times we will feel like we're going backwards in our christian life, feeling like you don't know anything about Him. i can tell you, provided that you keep close to God, you haven't, really. you are merely being humbled, because the more you get to know God, the more you know how insufficient you are. and how His grace is always greater.

have a blessed evening!

xoxo
allie

a scary thought

2011-05-10T21:44:00.003+10:00

"now the Spirit of the Lord has departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the Lord tormented him" 1 Samuel 16:14

now that i really experienced that everything is the work of the Spirit in my life, this is the one thing i am most afraid of. if i turn from God and the Spirit of the Lord departs from me *shudder*

have mercy God, never let me go.

sneak preview

2011-05-04T13:16:00.002+10:00

http://elpple.blogspot.com/

Daddy in heaven

2011-05-03T23:20:00.001+10:00

This is the first time I blog from my blackberry and I tell you, never again. Unless I am too lazy like tonight. My whole body is aching, either from overworking or lack of exercise. The latter being the most probable reason. Anyways, tonight I don't wanna talk about it. I wanna talk about my Daddy in heaven :)

It all started with minnie mouse Tika's tweets. How she called God "Daddy" and "Papa" in her rants while staying back in uni, presumably doing assignments (all information collected from her tweets, technology sure is amazing and scary at the same time). Her pet names for our Father in heaven reminds me of how I used to be like that too with God, calling Him Daddy and all. And now I've "grown up" (not really), I don't do that anymore, whereas in the Bible it is said:

"Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father""
(Galatians 4:6)

I do need to come back to that first love, ask for His Spirit and call Him Father again. Thank you Daddy for the reminder. I know You love me so <3

morning bliss

2011-05-01T08:42:00.010+10:00

i haven't had such a peaceful morning in years. everyone is still asleep. and i am actually not rushing to get ready for anything. this is bliss though not ultimate. true peace will be with You alone o Lord. yet know i am just so happy i have the time to ponder and reflect and think about You. maybe this is why JC prays early in the morning before the sun rises. i'm a bit too late here, sun rose hours ago, but well, early enough for now. can be earlier :)

God, i don't know what you are doing in my life at the moment, but it is so exhilarating! never i've seen such ferventness in praying amongst my cell members. i hope and i pray it is contagious. there is still so much growth i want to witness. so many others i want to see raising Your banner up high.

You have worked in me as well. i felt like i had been thrown back to square one few weeks ago. it feels like, "hey you don't know anything yet, this is how it really feels to be with Me". it sounds crazy considering i have followed You for years, yet there are so many things You are yet to reveal. with each new revelation it brought me to more God given humility, knowing how bad i am and how holy You are. the more i know about You, the more awful i feel about myself, the more i feel i know nothing yet. i believe it will keep continuing until i can say "woe to me, for i am unclean" like the prophet Jeremiah. each realisation that i am so inadequate allows You to work more in me.

please give me the desire to seek You more, to learn more about You. You've started (the simplest explanation for the spending spree on recent trip to koorong :p).
please don't stop.
oh please don't.

from piper

2011-05-01T08:28:00.002+10:00

We do not want to put unnecessary obstacles in the way of the gospel. To please or not to please? Yes. And one way we know which is by asking: Will the gospel be advanced? Will the gospel be compromised?

-Piper-

basic instructions before leaving earth

2011-04-29T07:57:00.012+10:00

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin” Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them.

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

(Ephesians 4:17-32, 5:1-20)

who said it is hard to know what God's will is? one can argue we do need to seek for ourselves the personal will of God in our lives, His specifically engineered purpose for each of us. i agree with that, but for most of the general rules, it is right in front of our eyes. this is just another reminder as i previously wrote on the Holy Spirit, reinforcing the importance of reading and studying the Bible. the Bible is the word of God Himself, written by men but God-breathed, God-inspired and thus it is where we found God's will and God's heart.

take this part of the bible for example, about living as the children of light. if we ever wonder or were confused at one point on how we should live after being so-called Christians, this is what God says, "to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." after redemption, we are to live anew, for our old self is no more. this is how you live on the remaining time you have on this earth, before leaving it to be together with the Father. and then Paul went on what to do and what not to do, all the practical do-s and don't-s.

i was reading these words over and over again the other night then looked back on myself, it made me think, have i been living the way He wants me to live? the life i was created for? if i compare my life with the "checklist" i have here, have i passed or just barely made it or failing miserably? it reveals so much about God and i. this is one of the "how" i should follow God.

there is so much more about God in the Bible. in His words so rich and so powerful. the question it, do we really want to find out? do we make effort to read His words and pray it becomes alive in our lives? think about it.

goodnight~
xoxo

allie

happy passover (belated)

2011-04-26T21:58:00.005+10:00

hey peeps, i'm back!

i have been busy celebrating the death and the resurrection of my Lord JC, and for BIC melbournians, while it's still fresh in our minds, i'd like to share about the prodigal son.

it was a constant story throughout this year's passover celebration, it surprised me at first to find out that the drama and the sermon would also adopt it. it was an awesome wonosobo version of the prodigal son, followed through by a corresponding sermon. i thought it was just a story in the song our choir is going to perform, but no, it's the whole theme! we prepared the song two months in advance so it would either be a mere coincidence or it was indeed God's plan. i believe in the latter :) God has His hands on this church.

anyways, the song went like this:

i was like the prodigal, who wanted his own way
as he left his loving father, to see what sin would pay
i had broken God's commandment, rebelled against his will
until i turned to Jesus and found He loves me still

His grace was greater
His grace was greater
overcome by sin, until i looked to Him
and found that His grace was greater
His grace was greater
God's grace, amazing grace, was greater

oh the shame that filled my heart, knowing i was wrong
oh the guilt i felt inside had haunted me so long
then He reached to me in mercy and drew me to His light
His love and great compassion made me precious in His sight

...then back to chorus again.

i trembled when i sang the song. mostly because of nerves, but also because i really think this song represents me. i daresay most of us can relate easily to the song. honestly, who has never been a prodigal son before? we all knew we played with sin. we did things that are wrong in God's eyes. yet, He took us back so mercifully, even crossed out our sins instead of condemning us, through the redeeming work of JC. it's all by grace! not us, it's Him who initiated. He reached to us in mercy! He came down to us, He stooped down to our level, born as a humble man and died the most horrible death, all for us, so that we don't die in eternal damnation. His grace was indeed greater than we think.

how very very very grateful should we be! if only we can comprehend fully the greatness of His grace, imagine how thankful and grateful we will be. i read somewhere recently that the incomprehensibility of His grace shows the unimaginable extent of the greatness of His grace. simply put, it is too big, too great for us to understand. that is how great it is.

knowing such great news, knowing such grace exist, how can we not share the good news to others?
be excited with me people!
our God is doing great works now, at this very season!
let's not miss His movement!

He had started His works, in so many young people. not that i'm not young anymore, but i'm talking young young here, like seventeen-eighteen. God is so awesome!

this really encourages me to share about JC to other people. it saddened me alot knowing that some people i love dearly have not yet believed in Jesus Christ the Lord our Saviour. let's not lose faith, and keep praying for them. as i am. for you. all my beloved.

a short prayer

2011-04-12T23:09:00.002+10:00

Lord, i pray tonight that You give me your heart, the heart of a Father, the heart of a shepherd, who loves all his sheep and will search for that one lost sheep. give me such heart Lord to love each and everyone of my beloved, in FA and in choir. let Your Holy Spirit work in me and change me to be like You. amen.

heya

2011-04-11T22:44:00.002+10:00

you rediscover love every day.
love you :)

saturday night

2011-04-10T00:02:00.001+10:00

now i really want to find out my true calling :s

tuesday night

2011-04-09T23:56:00.000+10:00

dear beloved, i just wanna share this so you don't miss out.

you know what? KD shared about our little sunday night fellowship in menado. and i did not realise at first that it was such a big delight, people gathering and fellowshipping and ended up worshiping the Lord. but then, it was also because i did not realise either that being who we exactly are, that sunday night would ever happen. so it comes down to a conclusion, that it was by the grace of God and the work of the Holy Spirit that we had that sunday night.

and looking at the way the church prayed last night, oh boy, the Holy Spirit is on the move. He shown me the week before that God was feeling really happy that His children came and pray to Him. i felt His heart, his bursting joy. last night, it was something else. He opened up my heart on realising my insignificance in front of the most High, the Holy one. how inadequate our wholehearted praises and worship in front of His glory. how incomplete our understanding and knowledge of Him. He gave me such desperation in my heart that i want to know Him more.

do we realise how important the Holy Spirit is in our very Christian lives? i was at guilt here, has been "shunning" the Holy Spirit all along, for so many years, never asked for His guidance in my everyday lives, while at the same time proclaiming boldly, yeah, Jesus is in me, His Spirit is in me, yet my actions did not acknowledge that fact. i limited His work into mere hours, into praise and worship sessions only, while He is so much more than for us to be able to worship the Lord in tongues or evoking emotion during prayers.

i still remember years ago in FA, ci yuli often shares about what the Holy Spirit put in her heart and how we should learn to listen to His voice. it never got into me until recently, i read this book i borrowed from ex-neighbour (it's awesome! recommended reading: dug down deep - joshua harris). the chapter on holy spirit really struck me. made me went, "what have i done? this is not right, i should repent." so, i did. only two weeks ago, so sad that i have wasted my many years thinking that i know God but in reality never knowing Him fully and completely. now i am learning to know more of this third person of God, the gentle Spirit.

His work starts even before we were saved, for the Holy Spirit is the one who opens up hearts to be able to receive Jesus, for "no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit." He transformed our lives, from sinners to redeemed, guiding us to become more like Jesus each day, helping us when we're reading the Word of God and makes us understand. remember the times when you're reading the Bible and then suddenly you had this revelation of what those words really means after reading them many times before without any effect on you? that was Him telling you what the Father wants you to know.

"The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us."
- 1 Corinthians 2:10-12

He will make us glorify God more because only through Him we can "grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

and there is so much more! so so much more i am not going to put it in here. please go back to your SOM notes :p

to be honest though, i still don't understand much of how God works in my life. He works in His uncanny, mysterious way yet always perfect and i just believe. i don't think this is too late for me to finally commune intimately with His Spirit and i don't think it is too late or any of you either. the seed has been planted through His Words that we hear every week, that we read every day. the growth is there, slowly, but sure. there has been so much fertilizer sprinkled on the soil. the question is, whether the soil of our heart is hardened, rocky, full of thorns or plowed and ready?

quoting ci yuli again, and i'm pretty sure she quoted it from the Bible but i cannot remember the verse >_< "the Holy Spirit is a meek and gentle Spirit". in other words, there is something for us to partake in. i think all we need to do is to put all our effort into surrendering fully onto Him, letting His hand mould us whichever way pleases Him, for we have faith that He is the God who loves us so much that John 3:16 exists.

i hope and i pray that this movement will not stop here, but it will be continual, it will bring perpetual joy in our lives for we will see more and more of Christ with each step we take together with His Spirit. and the best thing is if He is really present in our lives, people will see it, believers and unbelievers alike. they will see the fruit.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

"Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit."

back to 61

2011-04-03T22:55:00.003+10:00

i just got back from brisbane. had an awesome day, awesome brisbanites hospitality, but oh how i miss melbourne! so, after ben picked me up, we went straight to 61 from tullamarine, where pretty much every single one of my beloved FA members plus plus plus are. and tonight we were back to the basic. i miss this kind of fellowship, especially that i have been traveling away from melbourne too often lately.

fellowship is not just mere eating and laughing and be merry. faithful sharing, worship and prayer are far more precious than those. and i am blessed, truly blessed by you all, the community of love God placed me in. the community that has been and will keep sustaining me, encouraging me, and cares for me, spiritually, mentally, and physically. pray God pour out His grace more and more upon us so we can keep this up, and grow together in the knowledge of Him.

i love you all <3

Let's get serious, let's get real!

2011-02-12T22:46:00.002+11:00

excerpts from KD's sermon in workers prayer meeting. i'm gonna crash on my bed soon so i'll fix the wording later. happy reading peeps!

it was taken from the second book of Timothy, chapter 3. it is said that in the end days, men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.

and this does not happen to just unbelievers but also to the people who confess themselves as Christians, looking religious on the outside yet denying it inside.

stop and think for a moment.

am I a true Christian? or am I just a nominal Christian?
know that every work that we do will be tested with fire in the end, thus our intrinsic value will be revealed, our nominal value gone.

This can happen because we were led to confine our Christian life into a box of time and space, only when we're at church. Our worship, faith, service, ministry becomes superficial because it is not actually in our lives! It is reduced into mere 2-3 hours :( He is the God of our life, not just the God of our church.

let's take a common example. Worship is now reduced to just singing. That is what we call worship nowadays. But do we really live what we are singing? Is it just words we sing about or words we live by? Worship needs to be our life. Worship needs to come out from the heart that knows the Lord. Do you really know whom you worship?

Anything that you believe that doesn't affect our life is useless. It is wasteful. There is no medium ground, either you do it seriously or don't do it at all. Yes for all, or not at all.

These days and time, life is becoming more and more superficial. Take time to ponder on deep questions of life, what do I want in this life, what am I here for? Take time to think of the purpose of your life. Learn to leave our old life behind and let God rebuilt our new life. Strong life is build on conviction, purpose and value. Living by faith is to live with conviction, holding fast onto something that we will never let go, and let it be God, that we won't ever let go.

If my faith doesn't influence my life, it is dead faith! Dead faith equals to no faith, it gives false satisfaction.

We must not let spiritual laziness to creep into our life. If you know that your spiritual life is not right, must not we pray to God to help us?

"Grace is opposed to earning, not effort"

Grace is kairos, when you hear God speaks to you, listen and follow because the time of God (kairos) is not always there. It is maybe your only chance. God works in His time, in His sovereignty and in His will. When you hear His calling, respond to him.

Footscray no more

2011-02-10T22:27:00.003+11:00

I really miss baking cakes!

Why all of a sudden? Hmmm, I just finished my last day at work and will be coming back to my beloved blimbank next Monday, which will be on valentine's day and I was thinking of bringing some sweet treats in. And I actually thought of baking something when I remembered I will be at a wedding just the night before (and most likely will not go home sober considering lots of my dental friends will be there). Maybe I will just buy some chocolates.

But I wanna bake! :(
*sulk*

Work? Life?

2011-02-09T22:27:00.005+11:00

*yawn stretch stretch*

Woohoo, I'm on a roll today. My third post in one evening! (albeit being done in the comfort of my bed via my super hi tech chrissie present haha).

I was proofreading my last post for the third time after some minor editing, grammar correction and layout adjustment, you know, as I always do with every post, when I noticed on the sidebar that I blogged significantly less in 2010, that is when work started to get busy. Since I am still on the subject of quarter life crisis, my current affliction and thorn in the flesh, I wanted to share my view on work-life balance. How much work do you need to do? And how much life do we need to get, really?

We work to live, not live to work. Cliche. Yet, how many people do live to work? I have a good friend who enjoys his work so much, it might as well be his hobby. Not me though, I love my job but I love to live too. I am probably on the lazier side, wanting to work four days in a week if I can afford it, then I will have more time to spend living. I am still working five days a week, if you're wondering. But yeah, o how I long for less working days. I wouldn't call this sheer laziness. There are so many things I want to do. Productive things. Things that actually matters in life, at least for me, like having time to cook more, so I can eat healthier, to read more, to exercise more, to learn new things (as a matter of fact, basic life skills I haven't mastered yet at the age of 26: swimming and driving). Do devotional routinely and properly, not a rushed one with only few watts energy left. And I definitely want to blog more!

Boo said the other day, maybe you just need to manage your time better. He did not know he was talking to wrong kind of person. Asking a bloody perfectionist to manage her time better is incredibly offensive. And I was a bit too proud and very emotional at that time, so obviously I got angry. Full time work drains one's energy to the extent that when you get home, all you want to do is just to zonk on the bed. But often you have to make dinner first, then do dishes, laundry, throw rubbish out, and run all this household chores before that sweet rendezvous with dear bed. And that's provided you go home straight away. What if you have other things to do after work? Prayer meetings, catching up with friends, appointments. No wonder people get stressed and no wonder I get sick every forthnight.

Sunday's always a busy day for me too. Ministering and serving the Lord brings joy, and it has always been enjoyable. I don't mind pushing myself for it. Yet, sometimes, Sunday night I will go to bed feeling unrested and wondering quietly how on earth am I going to survive the coming week with such battered body.

Anyways, back to what boo was saying, he's got a point, but I think I have a point too. How would you define life? How would you define a fulfilled life? Success? Happiness? I've learned that living is about purpose, about chasing and doing God's purpose in our life, however with all the worldly job we still have and all the worldly responsibilities that we have in that worldly job, surely we still have to do the best? How about our health? Are we not supposed to be looking after our body? Are not we responsible for it? And call me selfish, I still need time to do things I want to do, just to keep me sane. What to do? I really don't know, otherwise, I wouldn't be in such a crisis, would I?

oh ella!

2011-02-09T18:02:00.003+11:00

I don't believe in frettin' and grievin';
Why mess around with strife?
I never was cut out to step and strut out.
Give me the simple life.

Some find it pleasant dining on pheasant.
Those things roll off my knife;
Just serve me tomatoes; and mashed potatoes;
Give me the simple life.

A cottage small is all I'm after,
Not one that's spacious and wide.
A home that's full with joy and laughter
And the ones you love inside.

Some like the high road, I like the low road,
Free from the care and strife.
Sounds corny and seedy, but yes, indeed-y;
Give me the simple life.

for whoever who's feeling like this, you are not alone

2011-02-09T17:42:00.006+11:00

apparently it is not just me going crazy. everyone's mind gone haywire lately. welcome to quarter life crisis.

i don't usually trust wikipedia, but their description of what characterises quarter life crisis kinda fits what i have been feeling lately, so just this time, i'll cite them here. they say, early-twenties like me (and maybe you) would have gone through or is going through one or few of the followings:

"confronting one's own mortality
insecurity concerning ability to love oneself, let alone another person
insecurity regarding present accomplishments
re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
lack of friendships or romantic relationships, sexual frustration, and involuntary celibacy
disappointment with one's job
nostalgia for university, college, high school, middle school or elementary school life
tendency to hold stronger opinions
boredom with social interactions
loss of closeness to high school and college friends
financially-rooted stress
loneliness, depression and suicidal tendencies
desire to have children
a sense that others are doing better than oneself
frustration with social skills"

and damn right, they're pretty spot on.
what to do? what to do?

...

i dunno about you, but as for me, i'll stick to my God, my Lord and my Jesus. He does get me through the day, day by day and everyday. i'll have faith. will you?

never again

2011-01-31T18:40:00.004+11:00

i cannot believe how fast time flies. it is already the end of january. i am still not used to writing 2011 when dating my patients records. is the world spinning faster?

another thing that reminded me of every second, minute, hour, day, month and year that passes are the pile of monochromatic wedding invites in my drawer. golden seems to be the popular hue for invites this year round. my, my, we are getting old. two down, four more to go till june and already, i am having a massive wardrobe crisis. what should i wear for the next four? looks like my resolution not to shop too much this year will be broken early...

the last wedding i attended was in sydney. ben and i left a day early so we can enjoy a little weekend getaway. or so we thought. it turned out to be a pretty exhaustive weekend, to our body, mind, and... pocket. we had few groups of friend who picked the exact same weekend to escape to sydney, thus ended up meeting up with them, catching up with the canberrans, visited the aquarium and wildlife world, sydney tower, buffet dinner, plus the wedding, all in mere two days. those did not drain my pocket much though, compared to the little debacle that occured due to my lack of analytical ability of fluid dynamic, ungratefulness and sheer carelessness. to put it simply, i left the tap on til it overflowed the tub, the bath and onto the carpet... and... into the room below. first, i blamed myself. second, i blamed the plumbing. nevertheless, i learned some great lessons from that incident.

why did i say i was ungrateful? because i was, really. we got a free upgrade that morning from a standard to a larger executive room, hence the presence of the bath. the standard room sports only a shower in a cupboard-sized bathroom/toilet. i was so elated, i wanted to use the bath. and forgotten about it. damaged that room, the room below and inconvenience a significant number of people. ben, the hotel staff, the guest in the room below, the plumber and the cleaning service who would have to come in on a sunday.

i learned about the nature of man, the nature of me, who often never appreciates what we have, even abused it. every blessing, grace and mercy we have received from the Father, often regarded to be for granted, as if we deserve it. just like that room, we didn't deserve it, we didn't pay for it. salvation, i didn't deserve it, i cannot pay for it. but we were given that room. i was given grace, was given salvation. and what did i do with that? abused it. i flooded the room. i played with sin every single day. small lies? yea no problem. hate someone? then don't give a damn about them. where is the love? but, still, the hotel was so nice to us. we only had to pay half of the damages repair cost. the Father still gives us grace, for free. is not man ungrateful?

and of course, i learned never to leave any tap on. never again.

now...

back to the wardrobe crises. help!

i'm still here

2011-01-30T06:41:00.002+11:00

early morning, ive missed this blog so much, yet i have to run again now, already running late and has not even showered.

will be back. eventually. promise. there is so much to tell.

my second melbourne christmas

2010-12-25T22:19:00.008+11:00

as long as i can recall, i've only spent one Christmas here in melbourne, and i don't have much recollection of how it was. but, man, this Christmas was special. as boo's put it nicely in his own little piece of writing, from which i will quote later on, it is not about the feast, the gifts, the shopping, the decoration, or all other christmassy tidbits, it is about Jesus.

boo and i had the same revelation about Christmas, which were confirmed three times over the span of two days. it started from a small discussion during a Thursday night Chrissy dinner, "about music and movies choices... ...1 Cor 10:23 "Everything is permissible - but not everything is beneficial", ...if we fill our head with the useless music and movies of the world, we won't have much room left for God and Jesus." the following night, in the Christmas eve service, our beloved KD delivered exactly the same message. it didn't stop there...

"The third message came as I drove home from joint FA, the radio was playing a sermon, and it told a story of a kid acting out in the Christmas Drama as the innkeeper, whose only line was saying 'there's no room at the inn.' It should've been that easy, except that for some reason 'Joseph' and 'Mary' started improvising on the stage and started pestering and pressuring the innkeeper to give them a room, even insulting him. With tears running down his face, but with a brave face, the innkeeper had to insist that 'there is no room at the inn.' But as the drama continued on, and curtains rolled down for the next scene, that kid jumped back in to the centre stage and said: 'wait! You can have my room! You can have my room!' For those of you who were at the joint FA, you can probably feel how strong an impression that would've made to me that night."
- B.S. 2010 -

the little harley in that play was improvising deep down from his heart, innocently and sincerely offering his room for the 'baby Jesus'. would we do the same as little harley, if we were the innkeeper two thousand odd years ago in bethlehem? KD's sermon was taken from the same passage reenacted in that little drama, Luke 2:

1 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while[a] Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to their own town to register.
4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

it was about how Jesus was born in a lowly and humbly manger, because there was no room for Him. it pained me, because i know i have been exactly like that, been too busy, running around and looking occupied all the time, for what? for God? was there even room for Him? or was it just for a show? i repented that night, yet God's lesson did not stop there either.

Christmas day, Christmas service. Luke chapter two continued.

8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

16 So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17 When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18 and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20 The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

this time, the sermon was on why God chose such a humble way to come down to earth and how through simple, subtle moments in our life, God is there, and works in our life, how we must not brush aside all the humble stuff around us that God may use to do His works in us. it brought me back to the night before, how he used a radio broadcast during a ten minute drive home to touch our hearts. i don't know how boo felt that time, but i guess it is pretty much the same as i did. inexplicable, yet we just knew that it was God speaking. a ten minutes broadcast! and we got to hear the most important message for us in that broadcast!

i thank God for the eventful past few days, for the amazing companions, for the roasts and the puddings, but most of all, for the true beauty of Christmas lying in all the little things.

Merry christmas everyone~

early merry christmas

2010-11-28T05:51:00.001+11:00

thank God for wonderful moments and wonderful opportunity to experience and witness His grace abounds last night and forever and ever!

singing~

2010-11-16T22:21:00.000+11:00

God is the strength of my heart
God is the strength of my heart
God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever!

homemaking

2010-10-25T10:26:00.001+11:00

i've stopped trying to make my house spotless clean. it is no use. one cannot keep up with tidying up the mess of three.

so sad. i want my own house, pity cannot afford one yet.

of boots and heels and thongs

2010-10-13T09:21:00.007+11:00

learned a new word today: futzing. unproductive time spent on computer at work. and that is exactly what i am doing at the moment and will be doing for the rest of the day.

not my fault. it's wednesday morning, i am staring at blank appointment book. it rained. the asphalt at my surgery's carpark is still wet from all the resulting moisture. i am wearing my calf boots, soooo comfy! walked to the bus stop and then to work today with no grief from naughty raindrops seeping into my shoes. i hate it when that happens, i like my feet to be warm and dry, thank you. and yes, you're right, this post will be so trivial just because i'm bored here and i don't feel like reading yet. i'm supposed to continue reading outliers since last night it was so hard to put down, yet picking it up again is an entirely different matter. who reads at nine o clock in the morning anyways? so let's talk about shoes.

i live in boots, flats and slippers world. no matter how much i would have needed the extra height and poise you get from heels, i don't seem to be able to befriend them. my feet would start aching badly after an hour, then i would have to bear the pain for x more hours i'm out in those shoes. there is a reason those things are called killer heels. beauty does need sacrifice, however i used to think that it's not worth sacrificing my comfort.

then one night, last night, to be exact, i was browsing online for some spring/summer sandals and bumped into this gorgeous pair of summer heels, that will look fabulous with basically anything! i fell in love <3 the issue is, the heels are 11cm high :( firstly, it will make me taller than boyfriend (yeah he's not blessed in the vertical dimension either). secondly, i might be better off walking in stilts than in those stilettos. i am not used to heels, but i want them. how? how? how? what should i do? sis said all i need is practice.

then again, is it worth it? be pretty and not comfy? or just be yourself no matter how frumpy you'll look?

a really light post (no kidding this time)

2010-10-12T17:47:00.004+11:00

it is so hard to put outliers down!
reading is fun!
so, why is it not always the case with the bible?

a little light reading

2010-10-11T21:56:00.013+11:00

okay, not so little. quite a lot.

i stumbled upon this as i skimmed through theage.com.au for today's share of news.

interesting? mostly are things we've already known and it is still a bit far-fetched for now. i'd have to look a bit further into the future to be able to picture myself in that situation, but hey, there is nothing wrong with thinking about it now, is it? it is called planning and preparation :p most girls will eventually become wives and mums anyway, but the question is, what kind of wife/mum will they be?

working mum? stay-at-home mum? mum with lots of maids or mbak-s? (i will refer to maid as mbak from now on since that is what i usually call them at home. mbak is actually a polite term to call older sister in javanese culture).

it does annoy me sometime when kids get too spoiled, but now it annoys me more when mums get too spoiled, aka do not really take up the responsibility of motherhood and homekeeping. the article i linked up to were talking about mothering being an extreme sport. getting up every three hours day and night to feed your baby while you're still sore from childbirth, resulting in lack of sleep and irritability. distress that originated from initially being unable to understand why your precious little gem cried his/her little lungs out. hungry? sleepy? need nappy change? bloated? every mother gets to recognise different cries eventually, but it still comes with time. changing nappies and cleaning poo from their precious little bottoms, inhaling the stink that comes from your beloved. and on top of all that, hubby in the background, either sleeping soundly or snoring loudly. no wonder young mums get baby blues.

everyone will say it is worth it, and i believe that i will agree when my turn comes :) now, let's talk about what i wanna talk about.

this crossed my mind when i was scrubbing grime out of my bathroom tiles. this is not the kind of housework most young mum will do nowadays, especially in beloved homecountry, in-do-ne-si-a. spoiled rich mums often take shortcuts, in the form of aides: either the grandma, or mbak. i have nothing against nannas helping taking care of their grandkiddies. it is lovely. nanna is okay, but nanny is a bit, uh... and mbak in indo does not only do nanny's job, they do maid's job as well. lots of young mums in indo are usually very well groomed, with manicured nails i imagine would've never touched a brush to scrub shower tiles or do dishes. i tried painting my nails once and most got chipped as soon as i scrubbed a pot after making dinner. but isn't being a woman, a wife, a mum, essentially and traditionally means cooking, cleaning, sewing, and loving her family and her home? such a pity, a lot of wives nowadays are just trophy wives, not real "functioning" wives.

i give my kudos to all nanna generations who did and still do their houseworks themselves. to stay true to their natural role as the homemaker.

this is nothing against working mums, it is perfectly fine, even the bible said that the wife of a noble character is an amazing businesswoman who also manages her house very well.

i love my job, but i love homemaking too. it's not easy to find the work-life balance, but i will make do, somehow :) coz this is what we're made for. so dear ladies, career and all, you can have it, but stay true to your nature, okay?

felt so satisfied

2010-10-09T19:59:00.006+11:00

i don't know if i am being too simple-minded or too easily pleased. i get happy with the slightest things like sunshine and lush green grass.

or maybe i am just blessed :3

growing pains

2010-10-06T17:21:00.014+11:00

i'm twenty-six. would you say i am already a grown-up or still growing up? you would've said the first, i hope, yet it is not necessarily the case. i was chatting on bbm with my dear cuz yesterday and we were talking about how far we've gone since high school (we went to the same school!), and we found out that our life is not sorted out yet. mentally, we are so much more mature than before, but on the whole, i don't think we qualify as a settled adult. at least for me, i still feel so young and life is still a big messy blob at the moment!!

i wonder if we will ever finish growing up. i thought the hardest period of your entire life would be the transitional prepubescent to adolescent to young adulthood and things get more stable from then on. in reality, not really. there are always changes, as they always say, the only thing that never changes is the change itself.

you got over the pimply high school period and deciding on schools and universities. check.
you got over the hard scholarly years, drowned in books (unless you were a party animal, unlike me), to finally get your expensive piece of paper with the writings "bachelor of blahblah". check.
you got over resume making, job hunting and fretting about interviews when you finally received your first offer letter. check.
now, all you need to do is to find someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with and then breed and raise a family. good. would life be "settled" from then on?

noooooooooooooooo it doesn't. there is so much shit to learn, still. things you would brush aside quite easily when you were twenty seem to be important now that you are twenty-six. thinking about getting your finances organised for the future? mummy doesn't send munny anymore. balancing work and life without getting too stressed or overthinking it? no more so-called days-off. finding time to do things you want to do for yourself? i haven't been baking or knitting in ages! learning to surrender more to God when there are so many more things you want to control? not checked.

growing up is painful. i dun think i am ready to be a full-fledged adult yet.
but life goes on, yea?

one thing to always remember, is to give thanks :3
then everything won't be so bad anymore.

third day of late melbourne spring

2010-10-04T19:43:00.003+11:00

hullo!! been sick of my lazy posts lately? yeah same here... i am sick of not having enough time to chill so i can rev up my brain to think about something to post here. there are so many things in my mind lately yet has not bothered to organise these thoughts into words. i think now is the time.

first thing first, before i forget, isis salam! this chick is cool. i have been following uniform project since year one and was excited when year two kicked off. got a bit disappointed at the previous two pilots, but isis rocked it so far. for more information, click on the link.

secondly, i am hooked on cryptic crossword.
*big grin*

current state of mind: not sure how to describe it. i feel like i have been trapped into a routine, that is almost already set in stone for each week. nothing ever changes much. work work work work work choir church. then i start all over again. it's not like i cannot go out. oh yeah i do go out a lot, but life feels so planned!! i miss having some spare time to kill, where i am not doing things because they are already noted down on my diary. i miss being spontaneous. i am not stressed... just... unsure... need.. to... unwind, perhaps.

i know what i need.
i need a bloody holiday.
far far away where i have no need to think about anything more than what's for breakfast.

*whiiiineeees*

but then again... Psalm 73 :D

26

2010-09-27T08:31:00.001+10:00

happy birthday, love~
xoxo

everhopeful

2010-09-21T21:48:00.004+10:00

life,
sometimes seems like a big clod of mess,
but be everhopeful,
for our God is sovereign,
He controls,
good and bad things,
and He loves us so much,

...everything will be amazing :3 (eln, 2010)

be blessed everyone.
goodnight.

what i'd like to have in my garden (4)

2010-09-20T13:20:00.012+10:00

what i'd like to have in my garden (3)

2010-09-20T12:52:00.006+10:00

what i'd like to have in my garden (2)

2010-09-20T12:27:00.006+10:00

what i'd like to have in my garden (1)

2010-09-20T12:00:00.005+10:00

sweet life

2010-09-15T16:02:00.004+10:00

"I thought you're going out?"

"yeah supposedly
too lazy and too cold
now eating this incredible chocolate pie
and drinking ginger beer
listening to swing music
and talking to u
what a sweet life"

first day of new job

2010-09-14T07:43:00.000+10:00

i have decided on some kelly-dressing :3

inspiration

2010-09-13T11:54:00.000+10:00

she is a darling <3

#201

2010-09-13T11:24:00.006+10:00

last post was number 200! and i completely missed it! boohoohoo.

anyway, i am at work. and not working. already sick of facebooking. kind of wishing that i've had brought my new promise journal from ol' buddy. then again no point regretting not to bring it for a good 15 minutes that otherwise can be spent writing this post, no?

oh, why am i at work and not working?
simple. no patient yet.

this is a really new surgery and there hasn't been much life in it since i started two weeks ago. still trying to be patient, sitting around and waiting for patients. it is the most painful thing to do, not doing anything. so be grateful if you are loaded with work.

we dentists are trained to fix teeth. not doing what we are meant to do kills us. well maybe not all shares this sentiment with me, but as a keen young dentist, i would rather be busy then sitting around doing nothing. for some it is the money, for me, it is about being purposeless.

aren't we like that with God too? aren't we so wonderfully made for a purpose, for His good works? have we done what we are made to do?

i am still struggling to find my calling. i know with my line of profession, i would be more than fortunate enough to help others. nevertheless, this "me" is waiting to take over and get me a comfortable life i could've lead easily.

dear Lord,

i need strength and courage to keep going and for this new job i am starting tomorrow. i need help and guidance so i can do what is pleasing in Your eyes and do my patients right. i need You to tell me that everything is gonna be alright. i need You to tell me, there is no need to be afraid of uncertainties.

and lead me not into temptation.

amen.

:)

2010-09-04T19:06:00.000+10:00

thank you Lord for beautiful people around me. nothing else matters.

why is it still cold outside?

2010-08-18T12:09:00.003+10:00

i get depressed looking at the weather forecast. this winter has dragged on too long. it is depressing. pretty sure everyone is sick of the cold and longs for warm sunny spring days already. no patients. and no patience too. my sanity is on the brink of breaking. all is too depressing. at least we got some order back in the house yesterday. well, hopefully. a clean house will make us less depressed. damn i sounded like an emo. need God. and miss boo.

not so heavenly post

2010-08-17T21:17:00.005+10:00

sometimes you just try to find a reason to make mistakes, so that you can be not-yourself and blame it on something else, when essentially you need to be responsible for your actions. classic female example (i do this all the time): when you're feeling cranky, blame it on the pms. it is a license to be moody.

responsibility sucks but it comes with maturity.
do you want to stay a kid? of course not.
so stop whinging, allie! and do what you need to do.

this is our Father

2010-08-09T19:02:00.002+10:00

Why should I feel discouraged,
Why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart feel lonely
And long for Heav'n and home,
When Jesus is my portion?
A constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches over me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me (He watches me)
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know he watches (I know he watches)
(I know he watches me)

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me (He watches me)
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know he watches me (He watches me)
He watches me (I know he watches me)

"Let not your heart be troubled,"
His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness,
I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth
But one step I may see:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted,
Whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing,
When hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him,
From care He sets me free:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He cares for me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He cares for me.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

i'm quitting my job!

2010-08-09T18:10:00.002+10:00

got offered another one. time to move on^^

blessed weekend

2010-08-02T00:37:00.003+10:00

keywords for the day:
standing, rights, relationships, likeness, business, attitude, consolidation, discipleship, fellowship and lip sik (the last one is courtesy of tika hehehe)

oh what a long week it has been

2010-07-23T23:15:00.001+10:00

so tiredddd...

*collapsing on the bed*
*snooze snooze snooze*

growing pains

2010-07-22T19:55:00.017+10:00

it is still winter and miserably chilly outside.

and i feel like writing again.
i don't care if i can't write in pretty language anymore.
i just want to share my thoughts.
:)

life had taken a turn into the fast lane few months ago. things thrown at me one by one, i had no chance to stop and rest, no time to sit and stone, no time to even think about blogging. even now things still have not fallen into place perfectly, my window frame is still leaking worse than ever, i am still a job-hunter and house is still (and i reckon will always be) a mess. i thank God, though, for i am refreshed, more spiritually than physically, considering i've been travelling to places as far as st albans and mt waverley today (by the ever unreliable metro!!), i'm so ready to collapse on the bed. i have been refreshed more than enough to be grateful for all the beautiful things He has done so far and for more beautiful things to come.

i have been stuck doing my job for about a year and a half. still enjoying it, absolutely loooove the people i work with, but also started wondering if this is all there is to dentistry. public dentistry is not really appealing to be honest, especially for young souls thirsty for more in life. so, my job hunting days started. interviews after interviews, ranging from humble dental surgeries to money making dental spas.

apparently, it is relatively hard finding a good private job if you're only one or two year out and does not want to work on saturdays, which is usally the busy day for a private practice. my heart sank when a practice manager told me i should really consider sacrificing saturday if i want a career in private. but, but, saturday is also for You, Lord. what about prayer meetings? what about choir? i have to admit i gave it quite a thought, yet i could not bear stop serving God. no, it is not worth it. there is more to life than just work. so i persevered. back to square one, djs.com.au and adavb employment register.

you know what, i have never thought of what i want in this career before until one prospective employer asked me this question:

"what is your goal in dentistry?"

my spontaneous answer was, "i'm not really sure, haven't thought about it before"

i went home and thought hard about it. and then i realised there is a kind of dentistry that i want to be doing. not fancy specialised dentistry. i want to do simple, basic, family oriented dentistry, and be really good at it. i want to take care of people.

then another one asked today:
"where do you see yourself in five years?"

today, i had the answer :)

God has many plans in me, and i am pretty sure i am not planned for money making dentistry. i am not planned to rob people of their money just to get their teeth two shades lighter. i am planned to take care of people, to take care of families and be rewarded with sincere thank you-s and satisfaction.

and who would have thought i'd found a christian dentist interviewing me today? it'll be interesting to see how things unfold.

i felt i grew up a little bit this week.
i found a direction.
i kinda know where i am going now.
thank You, God.
please always hold my hand when i walk this path.
and help me grow in You, too.

love,

allie <3

(no subject)

2010-07-02T10:21:00.002+10:00

end of my off week. accomplished much? maybe yes, maybe no.
haven't been writing much at all lately, that is for certain. just has been feeling vulnerable, too vulnerable to expose my innards to the whole world. sorry peeps. will try to be back to writing as soon as possible, i do miss it too.

23 ey

2010-06-24T22:12:00.001+10:00

happy birthday sis~

give thanks

2010-05-11T14:02:00.000+10:00

all in good time, my dear~

chat

2010-05-09T22:08:00.002+10:00

ci eli :) it's nice to have a caring leader~

r-e-s-p-e-c-t

2010-05-09T09:22:00.016+10:00

Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.
-1 peter 2:17-

i think it is the influence of the free thinking of the world nowadays, that makes people lose their sense of respect. we were talking about it the other day at work that at school, children don't call their teacher "mr" and "miss" or "mrs" anymore, and even at home there is no respect whatsoever towards their parents. children getting rebellious and they think they know better. i like what les said in regard to this matter "they know their rights but they don't know their responsibilities".

young people no longer have respect to elders, just look at teenagers these days. the society is too free. norms no longer exist and it does scare me a little bit. where is common sense? common sense rules that when you see an elderly standing up in a packed train or tram, young ones should automatically offer their seats. that is part of respecting your elders. how many times do i see that happening? less than fifty percent of the time. pretending to be asleep or just not caring at all, ears all plugged with earphones. how hard it is to do? respect can be as simple as polite greetings and gestures, however not many people know how to behave appropriately. would you want to be treated like that much later when it's your turn to be the ones so-called elderlies? sad, isn't it, to see the world slowly rolling into anarchy. the society is getting more and more corrupted, and we just don't know what to do except sitting and waiting for the world to change, which never will if you don't start from the man in the mirror (pardon the pun :p).

anyways, what kills me the most is that we do it to God as well, oh repeatedly. the church cried yesterday, realising how awful we had been. so we bent our knees, prayed, cried out, repented and asked God to restore the fear of God into our hearts. we know there is grace, and we abuse it so freely, and we pretend that we are still good christians. it's too easy to fall into hypocrisy and fallacy. i will not repeat KD's "curhat" yesterday, but i am sure most of you are on the same page. i hope it is not just words once again but lives must change. let's really repent, coz, didn't it break your heart too?

let's start with stopping to be half-hearted, give the full and utmost respect to God who is worthy of every single honour, praise, glory and everything we can offer.

miss cheapo

2010-05-08T22:26:00.005+10:00

norah jones' cd for three dollars (plus a stack of newspaper thicker than my wrist that i wouldn't ever finish reading). woohoo!

not to mention nice steamy night, literally though, since we just had steamboat at steve's, slurping yummy oily soup and fish balls galore, chatting about arthur galan and giggling over thai ads.

and... and... weekend's not over yet! there's still tomorrow~ the day of rest :) don't you love bargains and three-day weekends?

birdie

2010-05-07T10:56:00.003+10:00

i saw a pigeon perched atop a building across the lane from my window. i thought for a split second that i was in the big apple, but i shook my head and said, no, this is still melbourne. wake up allie, it's already eleven.

mr mayer

2010-05-04T12:29:00.006+10:00

he didn't sing this song last night but i thought i'd post it (again!) just because i really like it :) dedicated to two special someones.

I hate to see you cry
lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But i know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But i know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But i know the heart of life is good.
I know it's good.

cheer up.
you know who you are.
yes, you and you.
there'll be better things in store.
i love you-s :)

sookie-lala

2010-05-03T14:59:00.002+10:00

two and a half day without coffee. i was sleepy all morning and am sleepy now. lucky there were no exos. my head was pounding after lunch. desperately need sleep. or caffeine... *whine whine whine*

what came out from being emotional

2010-04-26T09:40:00.006+10:00

waking up at eight-thirty is a bliss. what a beautiful and peaceful morn. last night was different. it was something much more than a blissful night, it was definitely to be remembered.

just like how i said to boo that yesterday was a yellow-traffic-light day since all we encountered on the way from williams landing to airport to city was nothing but yellow lights, the past week was people week. i might be exaggerating but i reckon i learned so much more about people in the past few days than during last year. last year was wonderful and eventful, but the revelation of each and every one's true nature really came about just recently. i know all the theory about people and mankind and society and personalities and all those sociological shit, but it never enlighten before.

it all started with a broken computer, the subject of my first ever argument with boo. the irony of this is that we fought right after KD's last week sermon about fights and quarrels. "the wars outside come from the war inside". how pathetic am i, eh? my God does have an uncanny sense of humour. oh well, if this is what we need to learn, let Your will be done, Lord. in a way though, after all the tears and apologies, it opened up my eyes more in understanding people, understanding myself and understanding him. understanding a little bit more of how this world works and how things are not always as you think they are.

unmet expectation is always disappointing. in this case, it happened due to the existence of differences (finally, differences! after boo and i spend a lot of time marveling at our similarities). different perspective and different upbringing. different experiences. different way of reacting to a certain circumstance. after all, i was at fault too for not understanding and expecting things to be done my way. sis told me just this morning about something a friend said, (warning: this is gonna be the first time i post a full sentence in indo),"yah mo gimana lagi, maklum lah, dia kan ga pernah pacaran sebelomnya". please note, boo, it's not about you :p anyways, after hearing that, i felt so selfish.

this relationship is something novel to for both of us. mixing two person and two personalities together is not easy at all. i learned no matter how similar you are, there will be upsetting things like this and you just have to learn to deal with it. one of life lessons i've often heard, never comprehended till last week.

experience is the best teacher they say. now, coming back to last night, bul called me earlier in the arvo to come to lo's to chill and have dinner together. simply another hanging-out-together night with some of the people i love the most in melbie was turned into heartwarming, honest, open, sharing night, so overwhelming and overjoying. past experiences and past stories flowed out of everyone's mouth with no awkwardness. we laughed, some cried. we prayed together before we went home and you just can feel the love of God in that little fellowship. how about all the goss and the stories? sorry, dude, whatever's in that room that night, stayed in that room that night :p

ah, blessed!

goodnight~

2010-04-11T00:45:00.002+10:00

always be grateful when you look back.
always be hopeful when you look forward.

la vita e bella~

regret

2010-04-09T23:05:00.007+10:00

it has been probably over a year since i last visited boxhill, the true chinatown of greater melbourne. i made the trip again this morning, to visit boo. i had a great day laughing over five episodes of how i met your mother, a generous amount of cuddling and super-cheena lunch of dumplings and hot chicken noodle. i have one regret, however.

earlier in the morning, being the self-proclaimed organised girl and perfectionist i am, i checked the train schedule, despite not ended up following it due to the stupid washing machine taking forever to finish my laundry. after chucking the black-clothes-batch into the dryer and dropped by the cup of truth for my coffee, i finally managed to board a lilydale, sat quietly in a fairly empty carriage and started daydreaming.

it was an express train, so it didn't stop at every single station. anyways, in one of the station about midway between the cbd and boxhill, a man came into my carriage and greeted "does anyone have some spare change? i am a schizophrenic and i am not able to work". to be honest, my first reaction wasn't a positive one. i shrugged coz i was kinda afraid. he was tall and unkempt, with scary looking face, the one you dun wanna mess with. i just said sorry quietly and pretending not to look. he made his way along the carriage, until i couldn't hear him anymore.

...then... a tinge of regret came into my heart. it was like, dammit, why should i be scared? this was an opportunity share life. to share Jesus. i started making a scenario of what might have happened if i decided to be nice and helped him. i would rummage my bag to find some change, ask him what his name is, and when i put the coins into his takeaway coffee cup/collection cup, i would simply say, "God bless you, (insert whatever his name is)".

not much to ask, eh? but how difficult to make into reality.
sad, but it really shows our nature :(
oh God help me...

psalm 35:19

2010-04-09T08:41:00.002+10:00

"A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all."

what an uplifting promise! happy friday amazing everyone!

coughs and sniffles

2010-04-07T10:53:00.002+10:00

sweetness is when you were sick and someone stayed with you and wouldn't go home until you're tucked in bed :)

reprimand

2010-03-27T06:04:00.006+11:00

rep·ri·mand : a severe reproof or rebuke, esp. a formal one by a person in authority.

no one like being reprimanded though it is necessary for everyone to get one once in a while, to put us back on track, to remind us of what we're supposed to do. oh yeah, it does hurt, especially to our pride. no one likes it. i get really defensive against one. rebellious soul. it reminded me of one of the songs in little mermaid i listened to so many times when i was young, one part of the lyrics goes like this:

"bet'cha on land they understand
that they don't reprimand their daughters"

nobody likes it. but we need it. badly.
for those who has the courage to reprimand, thank you.

boohoohoo

2010-03-25T13:47:00.002+11:00

i spilled my lunch all over myself and onto the floor today.
chilli stained shiftdress and unsatisfied stomach :(
sob...

one of your favourites

2010-03-21T22:40:00.002+11:00

hey, you know who you are :)

on the subject of health

2010-03-18T13:12:00.010+11:00

i was not aware that i am rather health conscious compared to most of my friends until i realised i have been keeping in check what lovey is having for lunch, banning maccas and kfcs and coke (the damned concoction containing all the worst possible thing for your teeth which unfortunately tastes so good: up to eleven teaspoons of sugar and strong acid and fizz *shudder*). plus, kept telling people to get in shape while i am not really in shape.

sis went jogging yesterday, as if she needs it, being perpetually under the suggestedly healthy BMI. in this case, the reason was to improve her overall fitness, as she gets dizzy spells easily. fair enough.

me? i stayed at home, eating sushi and watching so you think you can dance. "very healthy" hahaha. the most outrageously funny defense i have ever heard regarding not being in shape was from one of my friend, when someone suggested that her then-bf to get in shape. well, he was a rather tubby dude, but my friend just went, "round is a shape, what?". it still cracks me up whenever i remember it, yet cannot deny that excess flab here and there do you no good, especially in long term. i dun think i have much of those though i do admit i need to exercise more.

do you think walking a dozen times (or maybe more) to and fro, from my surgery to the reception is enough exercise? my surgery is right at the back of a ten chair clinic by the way... how about daily trip from and to the train station as well? it adds up to a good 15-20 minutes a day... furthermore, i go on a walk with the girls at work for like half an hour every now and then, depending on my mood at the time... oh and also, i walk, if i need to go anywhere in the city since i live smack bang in the centre of it... *allie's getting defensive* but hey, it's not like i live a totally sedentary working life :p

dad called last night and he was telling me how one of his mates just had a coronary bypass and we talked about how not eating well do harm your body. then he went on talking about how this friend of him was really overweight yet loves to eat so much, that if you want to find a nice place for dinner, he's one to advice you. oh dear Lord, i am grateful my parents watch what they eat so they'll live long and prosper. amen :)

conclusion is: eat well, exercise enough and dun be too stressed. live's better lived healthy :)

one hour away till the clock saves me

2010-03-17T16:01:00.003+11:00

fifteen patient-free minutes. and i've decided to write although i am not really sure what to write at this very moment. i haven't been writing from work for a long time. i haven't been writing much lately, actually. i just don't know what else i should pour out into this blog. is this what they call a writer's block? or am i just regressing? or are my brain cells simply overused that i haven't been able to think creatively anymore?

nah.

i'm just currently too occupied with something else.
or someone else :p

ah! the lady's here.
need to give her denture back.

mary's heart

2010-03-15T22:36:00.000+11:00

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said.

But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Luke 10:38-42

on the subject of friendship

2010-03-14T08:44:00.003+11:00

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

I know it's good

on the subject of love

2010-03-02T07:31:00.003+11:00

i left prayer tower with super puffy eyes again last night. don’t worry; this piece is not a promotional for the prayer tower although i would say that i have been blessed so many times, during those many monday nights in God’s presence, my secret place, my sanctuary.

...

i have forgotten how it felt to be loved, for quite a long while now. to be able to feel loved again, to be able to feel worthy to be loved again, it affected me more than i can imagine. and when i tried to think, that if us, who have fallen short of His glory, still capable of loving, although limitedly and conditionally, how much greater is our God’s love? this revelation really overwhelmed me, beyond what i could take and i spend one good hour crying my eyes out, could not sing, could not even pray, just sat there, awed, immersed in God’s grace.

when i started to be able to control the sobbing, someone started to sing this song, brought me back to brokenness again.

Here I am humbled by Your Majesty
Covered by Your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since You laid down Your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in Your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by Your love
In the presence of Your Majesty

Here I am humbled by the love that You give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm Your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

...i still can’t fully understand why would God came down for us and even died on that filthy cross. we’re not worth it, are we?

i can only come to one conclusion. that is LOVE. that is exactly God’s love for us. He thinks that we are to die for! so why couldn’t we understand this before?

...

i’ve found the answer in this story.

36 Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. 37 When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, 38 and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.
39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner."
40 Jesus answered him, "Simon, I have something to tell you."
"Tell me, teacher," he said.
41 "Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he cancelled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?"
43 Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt cancelled."
"You have judged correctly," Jesus said.
44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."
48 Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."
(Luke 7:36-48)

“He who is forgiven little, loves little.” This little statement reveals a mammoth truth for us: We will love God to the degree that we recognize the magnitude of our sins and the immensity of God’s grace to forgive them.
(www.desiringgod.org)

let's learn to really see :)
be blessed, all~

sanctuary

2010-02-28T07:18:00.003+11:00

when my world was in darkness
You spoke Your word
night turned into day
Your beauty filled this place

when my world stood in silence
You filled my heart
with songs that never ends
forever i will praise

to think that the universe
could not withhold Your glory
You choose to live in me
i'm so amazed

(and) i worship You Lord
my life in You restored
here is my heart
make it Your sanctuary
for nobody else but Jesus only You

You are faithful and true
glorious Lord
all my life
it is You i adore
You've touched my soul
completed my world i surrender to You

quiet nights

2010-02-26T23:44:00.000+11:00

diana, you make beautiful music :)

the day of rest

2010-02-24T22:37:00.005+11:00

today's weather was perfect.
perfect sky, perfect breeze, perfect sun.
three and a half hour of seaside bliss.
still got sunburnt, though.

thanking God :)

yea sis, i'm ready to face tomoro too~

bank street

2010-02-21T22:09:00.002+11:00

another family moment :)
luv u ppl <3

p.s. wanted to post the pic up but sis was way faster.