today is the day i turned pixie! *grins*
Monday, January 19, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
pursuit of happyness
why the pursuit of happyness? it’s not just because someone so casually jested yet seriously considering that he would title his latest article from another well-known tear-jerker Hollywood ultimate chick flick, one of his attempts to be unsuccessfully funny and i’m trying to be equally lame, but why don’t i for once talk about cheerful things rather than my usual rants of life struggles. and everyone does want to be happy, don’t you?
“happiness is not a word we can understand by looking it up in the dictionary”. so so very true. a mere knowledge, or even understanding, of the many descriptions of the word itself cannot make us feel happy for happiness is born from within the depth of our hearts. therefore, talking of happiness, what would be the best place to start but the happiest letter in the Bible.
KD shared a short passage from the letter of joy, twice, so i thought, why don’t I read the whole book of Philippians? as more words passes through my optic nerve cells into the semi-functioning processing department of my brain which just woken up during this too early hour, i came to realize that Paul was just plain happy while writing this letter from a dark, damp, dingy, dirty prison cell, being persecuted for defending the Gospel. for me, it is just humanly impossible. see, i was stressed enough sitting lazingly everyday, looking for employment in the comfort of latest technology where SEEK-ing job is done at the click of a computer mouse, imagine what state of insanity i would be in if i am to stepped into Paul’s shoes?
looking at the sort of things that brought delight into Paul’s heart, it makes you feel like shit for being the selfish bastards we are. to list some which i can draw out with half brain capacity: in seeing the church in Philippi grew strong in their faith, in knowing that the Message was being preached whether the motives were “mixed, bad or indifferent” at the cost of his imprisonment, and in, well, everything.
11b i have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 i know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty. i have learned the secret of being content in any way and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 i can do everything through Christ who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:11b-13)
the secret lies within the very essence of the last sentence. we know the answer all this while, yet the verse is far too familiar it tends to just passed by our minds. this guy, Paul, only had one thing in his head, Christ. Christ alone can brew happiness, no, something better than that in your heart, the blessed little thing called JOY, as an inevitable by-product of experiencing Himself personally, through walking hand-in-hand with Him, trusting Him instead of fretting and worrying, and delving in the desire to build an intimate relationship with Him, WHATEVER happens.
most people use happiness and joy interchangeably when strictly speaking they are two words of different natures. temporary happiness might not last, but the joy from the Lord is everlasting and will keep overflowing in our hearts provided we’re stuck to Him like branches to its nurturing vine, thus birthing “love, JOY, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control”.
do you want to be happy? i know i want to.
“happiness is not a word we can understand by looking it up in the dictionary”. so so very true. a mere knowledge, or even understanding, of the many descriptions of the word itself cannot make us feel happy for happiness is born from within the depth of our hearts. therefore, talking of happiness, what would be the best place to start but the happiest letter in the Bible.
KD shared a short passage from the letter of joy, twice, so i thought, why don’t I read the whole book of Philippians? as more words passes through my optic nerve cells into the semi-functioning processing department of my brain which just woken up during this too early hour, i came to realize that Paul was just plain happy while writing this letter from a dark, damp, dingy, dirty prison cell, being persecuted for defending the Gospel. for me, it is just humanly impossible. see, i was stressed enough sitting lazingly everyday, looking for employment in the comfort of latest technology where SEEK-ing job is done at the click of a computer mouse, imagine what state of insanity i would be in if i am to stepped into Paul’s shoes?
looking at the sort of things that brought delight into Paul’s heart, it makes you feel like shit for being the selfish bastards we are. to list some which i can draw out with half brain capacity: in seeing the church in Philippi grew strong in their faith, in knowing that the Message was being preached whether the motives were “mixed, bad or indifferent” at the cost of his imprisonment, and in, well, everything.
11b i have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 i know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty. i have learned the secret of being content in any way and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 i can do everything through Christ who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:11b-13)
the secret lies within the very essence of the last sentence. we know the answer all this while, yet the verse is far too familiar it tends to just passed by our minds. this guy, Paul, only had one thing in his head, Christ. Christ alone can brew happiness, no, something better than that in your heart, the blessed little thing called JOY, as an inevitable by-product of experiencing Himself personally, through walking hand-in-hand with Him, trusting Him instead of fretting and worrying, and delving in the desire to build an intimate relationship with Him, WHATEVER happens.
most people use happiness and joy interchangeably when strictly speaking they are two words of different natures. temporary happiness might not last, but the joy from the Lord is everlasting and will keep overflowing in our hearts provided we’re stuck to Him like branches to its nurturing vine, thus birthing “love, JOY, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control”.
do you want to be happy? i know i want to.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
amazing grace
yesterday i couldn't sleep, i'm not sure why. maybe because i had been thinking nonstop, my mind couldn't stop the leftover momentum.
few hours prior to the insomniac episode which i haven't had for too many years, blessed with the luxury of being able to sleep whenever and wherever (i.e. i've been such a pig all this while), i went to my usual prayer tower, which turned out to be an mind opener, where God poured a pail of ice water over my stubborn head, saying: wake up! and pulling me up from the deep chasm of self pity.
you know, i have been struggling lately, finding it hard to believe that everything will be okay since God should have a plan for me, not just a plan but plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. looking forward, i really don’t know what is in front of me. long i had known that God loves us, so very much that He gave His one and only Son to DIE that I may LIVE. our very lives are in His hands and in all things, He works for the good of those who loves Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
yet all this while, those words only lived as mere collection of letters joined together into intelligible meaning. i know, i’ve always known those verses, yet never till that one afternoon, they became truly alive. just because i can't see what is ahead of me, i grew scared, afraid, and desperate. i withdrew into self pity and complaining each night, "why does it have to be so hard?"
but as we came back to the altar, JC pounded me back into reality. sadly He said, "I love you so much, what wouldn't I do for you? why can't you trust me just a little? even faith as little as a mustard seed can do so much. child, do not worry" well, it wasn't exactly audible; it’s sort of my own contemporary rendition of what JC would have said. nevertheless, the emotion those kinds of words would have evoked was imprinted into my heart so strongly, i broke down again. such grace! i felt dumb instantaneously. so blinded. such an ungrateful wretch i have been!
…
it lifted up my spirit, to fully comprehend that I am LOVED
with the realization, i repented from my unbelief and slowly, peace flowed into my heart. it doesn’t mean that life stopped posing all its challenges to me, but i learned to see those obstacles from a different perspective, from God’s very own glasses. my blindness has been replaced with a perfect 20/20, called HOPE, and as i began to let God took over, doors started to open, more than what i could have asked for. after all, He knows best.
so this is what it means to live by His Words.
i felt like crying and laughing at the same time.
man... i still have a long way to go from being what He wants me to be.
"amazing grace how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me
i once was lost but now am found
was blind but now i see"
few hours prior to the insomniac episode which i haven't had for too many years, blessed with the luxury of being able to sleep whenever and wherever (i.e. i've been such a pig all this while), i went to my usual prayer tower, which turned out to be an mind opener, where God poured a pail of ice water over my stubborn head, saying: wake up! and pulling me up from the deep chasm of self pity.
you know, i have been struggling lately, finding it hard to believe that everything will be okay since God should have a plan for me, not just a plan but plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. looking forward, i really don’t know what is in front of me. long i had known that God loves us, so very much that He gave His one and only Son to DIE that I may LIVE. our very lives are in His hands and in all things, He works for the good of those who loves Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
yet all this while, those words only lived as mere collection of letters joined together into intelligible meaning. i know, i’ve always known those verses, yet never till that one afternoon, they became truly alive. just because i can't see what is ahead of me, i grew scared, afraid, and desperate. i withdrew into self pity and complaining each night, "why does it have to be so hard?"
but as we came back to the altar, JC pounded me back into reality. sadly He said, "I love you so much, what wouldn't I do for you? why can't you trust me just a little? even faith as little as a mustard seed can do so much. child, do not worry" well, it wasn't exactly audible; it’s sort of my own contemporary rendition of what JC would have said. nevertheless, the emotion those kinds of words would have evoked was imprinted into my heart so strongly, i broke down again. such grace! i felt dumb instantaneously. so blinded. such an ungrateful wretch i have been!
…
it lifted up my spirit, to fully comprehend that I am LOVED
with the realization, i repented from my unbelief and slowly, peace flowed into my heart. it doesn’t mean that life stopped posing all its challenges to me, but i learned to see those obstacles from a different perspective, from God’s very own glasses. my blindness has been replaced with a perfect 20/20, called HOPE, and as i began to let God took over, doors started to open, more than what i could have asked for. after all, He knows best.
so this is what it means to live by His Words.
i felt like crying and laughing at the same time.
man... i still have a long way to go from being what He wants me to be.
"amazing grace how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me
i once was lost but now am found
was blind but now i see"
Friday, January 9, 2009
to read again in a year time
back at my new haven which i visit so constantly over the past few days, logging in with borrowed identity from my sister: the blissful RMIT library and its glorious internet. but enough with all this internet prattle, let’s get to why i am here!
i can’t help being both terrified and excited at the same time for things to come this new year. as we knelt down and prayed last week, conversing with God in what would be more like a formal meeting in a sense compared to our daily prayers which would be the equivalent of casual chats, somewhat astonishing revelations came down upon us, speaking strongly in our hearts, one confirming the others.
so, before i forget it all, i’ve decided put these visions (and also my thoughts on them) down into a little note, a reminder for the year to come of what God has spoken about our cell last Wednesday evening:
1. firstly, in accordance to what He also revealed to His church, God will bring our cell to know Him more, deeper, in a much more personal level for He wants to know us and wants us to know Him that badly. He is to be the core of our everyday and the centre of our everything. last Monday, i had this wild allegory, of God being the core of an atom – you know, the one with protons and neutrons – and i am like one of the electrons on the outer shell, trying desperately in futile attempts to jump into an inner ring, yet never made it. how difficult it is for us humans to try with our own might to shift the tiniest bit closer to God if not God Himself do it for us. that is why He came down to this world. that is why there is such a thing as the Cross. do you follow?
2. how do you suppose He will do that, asked you. well, for those of you who were there in Queen Victoria Gardens when i made my nervy little speech, you might remember how i said last year i learned that life is a journey, a journey that will mould us into Christ-likeness. it is indeed, and it is not over! i have been thinking a lot about this journey thing, and voila! guess what book dear neighbour lent me? John Bunyan’s The Pilgrim’s Progress. this is no coincidence, apparently i have to learn about a Christian’s journey.
regarding the book itself, i am only a quarter-way through it, up to the words:
“…there is little but faithful dealing with men now a days, and that makes Religion so stink in the nostrils of many as it doth; for they are these talkative fools, whose Religion is only in word, and are debauched and vain in their conversation, that (being so much admitted into the fellowship of the godly) do puzzle the world, blemish Christianity, and grieve the sincere” – (Christian discoursing to Faithful)
i have been reading in a pace slower than my usual, for the vocabularies dated back to few centuries ago, obliging me to open my long untouched Oxford dictionary every now and then. nonetheless, my recently rediscovered love for such classic literature overpowered the tediousness of the reading process, and in my devouring of the book i was constantly reminded again of things i know a Christian must do yet have not done, such as the one in the quoted passage. pray i won’t be one to “blemish Christianity”. it has been my only fear as a blogger to turn into some hypocrite who babbles a lot but never does what she writes. that is partly the reason i am not too fond of composing any other reflections or articles beside of things i firmly believe and truly felt in my heart.
oh dear, i got sidetracked, didn’t i? anyways, moving on to the third part, last but not at all the least:
3. this year is going to be the year our cell coming across Job’s experience.
…
HEY! wait a minute!
isn’t Job the guy who lost it all, got very poor, sick, scorned by his own wife and buddies before God (finally) restored everything back? and you say we will experience something like that? no way! i love the ending, but the preceding process? *shudder*
it freaked me out when i heard that. however, Ci Yuli said so nonchalantly that we must be grateful He let us know, so we can brace ourselves and prepare for it. to no longer living superficial Christian lives but to be brought to know the Lord so much more intimately we will say “my ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you”. wow!
being rather emotional lately (main suspects: loneliness and far too numerous errands to run), and at times unsure, there are times i can’t pray at night and ended up just weeping, it is almost as if my spiritual man – in my case i should say woman – is going through the rollercoaster adolescent stage, still so inexperienced yet wanting more out of the unknown. even so, i’ve decided. i am going to brave myself to take every needed step of faith, as i know God is with me.
can’t say that i’m not afraid, i am scared stiff, however experience taught me that He knows best and it can’t be more wrong not to leave it all in His hands. so, might as well let Him hold our hands and lead us to His green pastures and quiet waters. i started to understand why Kind David wrote those Psalms, those prayers, those crying-out-loud-to-God-help-me, because it was the same sort of sentiment that troubles me yet also the same unchanging fact soothes me, that God is the only one in whom we have Hope.
“even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil, for You are with me” – (from the most well known Psalm, you should know this)
brew Knowing God and Journey together in a pot, add a Heart-ful of Faith, Grace, and plenty of Job’s Perseverance, you will get a life changing experience.
exciting, eh :)
p.s. i know this is an awfully long post. spent hours jotting this down last night. thank you for reading, appreciate your patience!
i can’t help being both terrified and excited at the same time for things to come this new year. as we knelt down and prayed last week, conversing with God in what would be more like a formal meeting in a sense compared to our daily prayers which would be the equivalent of casual chats, somewhat astonishing revelations came down upon us, speaking strongly in our hearts, one confirming the others.
so, before i forget it all, i’ve decided put these visions (and also my thoughts on them) down into a little note, a reminder for the year to come of what God has spoken about our cell last Wednesday evening:
1. firstly, in accordance to what He also revealed to His church, God will bring our cell to know Him more, deeper, in a much more personal level for He wants to know us and wants us to know Him that badly. He is to be the core of our everyday and the centre of our everything. last Monday, i had this wild allegory, of God being the core of an atom – you know, the one with protons and neutrons – and i am like one of the electrons on the outer shell, trying desperately in futile attempts to jump into an inner ring, yet never made it. how difficult it is for us humans to try with our own might to shift the tiniest bit closer to God if not God Himself do it for us. that is why He came down to this world. that is why there is such a thing as the Cross. do you follow?
2. how do you suppose He will do that, asked you. well, for those of you who were there in Queen Victoria Gardens when i made my nervy little speech, you might remember how i said last year i learned that life is a journey, a journey that will mould us into Christ-likeness. it is indeed, and it is not over! i have been thinking a lot about this journey thing, and voila! guess what book dear neighbour lent me? John Bunyan’s The Pilgrim’s Progress. this is no coincidence, apparently i have to learn about a Christian’s journey.
regarding the book itself, i am only a quarter-way through it, up to the words:
“…there is little but faithful dealing with men now a days, and that makes Religion so stink in the nostrils of many as it doth; for they are these talkative fools, whose Religion is only in word, and are debauched and vain in their conversation, that (being so much admitted into the fellowship of the godly) do puzzle the world, blemish Christianity, and grieve the sincere” – (Christian discoursing to Faithful)
i have been reading in a pace slower than my usual, for the vocabularies dated back to few centuries ago, obliging me to open my long untouched Oxford dictionary every now and then. nonetheless, my recently rediscovered love for such classic literature overpowered the tediousness of the reading process, and in my devouring of the book i was constantly reminded again of things i know a Christian must do yet have not done, such as the one in the quoted passage. pray i won’t be one to “blemish Christianity”. it has been my only fear as a blogger to turn into some hypocrite who babbles a lot but never does what she writes. that is partly the reason i am not too fond of composing any other reflections or articles beside of things i firmly believe and truly felt in my heart.
oh dear, i got sidetracked, didn’t i? anyways, moving on to the third part, last but not at all the least:
3. this year is going to be the year our cell coming across Job’s experience.
…
HEY! wait a minute!
isn’t Job the guy who lost it all, got very poor, sick, scorned by his own wife and buddies before God (finally) restored everything back? and you say we will experience something like that? no way! i love the ending, but the preceding process? *shudder*
it freaked me out when i heard that. however, Ci Yuli said so nonchalantly that we must be grateful He let us know, so we can brace ourselves and prepare for it. to no longer living superficial Christian lives but to be brought to know the Lord so much more intimately we will say “my ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you”. wow!
being rather emotional lately (main suspects: loneliness and far too numerous errands to run), and at times unsure, there are times i can’t pray at night and ended up just weeping, it is almost as if my spiritual man – in my case i should say woman – is going through the rollercoaster adolescent stage, still so inexperienced yet wanting more out of the unknown. even so, i’ve decided. i am going to brave myself to take every needed step of faith, as i know God is with me.
can’t say that i’m not afraid, i am scared stiff, however experience taught me that He knows best and it can’t be more wrong not to leave it all in His hands. so, might as well let Him hold our hands and lead us to His green pastures and quiet waters. i started to understand why Kind David wrote those Psalms, those prayers, those crying-out-loud-to-God-help-me, because it was the same sort of sentiment that troubles me yet also the same unchanging fact soothes me, that God is the only one in whom we have Hope.
“even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil, for You are with me” – (from the most well known Psalm, you should know this)
brew Knowing God and Journey together in a pot, add a Heart-ful of Faith, Grace, and plenty of Job’s Perseverance, you will get a life changing experience.
exciting, eh :)
p.s. i know this is an awfully long post. spent hours jotting this down last night. thank you for reading, appreciate your patience!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
a lesson from screwtape
"the Christians describe the enemy as one 'without whom Nothing is strong'. and Nothing is very strong: strong enought to steal away a man's best years not in sweet sins but in dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows not why, in the gratification of curiousities so feeble that the man is only half aware of them, in drumming of fingers and kicking of heels, in whistling tunes that he does not like, or in the long, dim labyrinth of reveries that have not even lust or ambition to give them a relish, but which, once chance association has started them, the creature is too weak and fuddled to shake off.
you will say that these are very small sins; and doubtless, like all young tempters, you are anxious to be able to report spectacular wickedness. but do remember, the only thing that matter is the extent to which you separate the man from the Enemy. it does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the Nothing. murder is no better than cards if cards can do the trick. indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one-the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts,
your affectionate uncle,
SCREWTAPE"
from The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis
it scares me that my being idle for the past few weeks might drag me down the wrong crag. how if in this nothing-to-do state, by chance and circumstances, those little tempters successfully luring my oh-so-flickering mind into their gentle, soft road to hell?
i need a job. and things to do.
wrong. I NEED GOD.
p.s. i miss u sis <3
you will say that these are very small sins; and doubtless, like all young tempters, you are anxious to be able to report spectacular wickedness. but do remember, the only thing that matter is the extent to which you separate the man from the Enemy. it does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the Nothing. murder is no better than cards if cards can do the trick. indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one-the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts,
your affectionate uncle,
SCREWTAPE"
from The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis
it scares me that my being idle for the past few weeks might drag me down the wrong crag. how if in this nothing-to-do state, by chance and circumstances, those little tempters successfully luring my oh-so-flickering mind into their gentle, soft road to hell?
i need a job. and things to do.
wrong. I NEED GOD.
p.s. i miss u sis <3
Thursday, January 1, 2009
the first dawn
happy new year! first of all, sorry for the most idyllic weeks ever. still no internet. this post is up thanks to the hospitality of a very kind neighbour. now, please read, enjoy, and have a think for yourselves.
this morning i woke up to one of the prettiest skies i’ve seen thus far. it was 6am. with westward facing windows, it was always sunsets never sunrise (and mind you, i am not usually up this early). yet today i was welcomed by a soft lilac canvas, tinted with the palest shades of pink and yellow and azure, decorated with grey wandering clouds hanging high above the horizon. such a tranquil and subtle beauty, suited for the first dawn of a brand new year. golden rays were reflected in the glassy exterior of Docklands’ numerous apartment buildings, while a seemingly never-ending stream of Melburnian clubbers, clad in white from top to bottom, beings of a world totally opposite from the serenity portrayed, left Telstra Dome after an massive night of ‘old and new’ clubbing. a sad juxtaposition.
then, i thought of God… and life… and what to become of it in this coming year, since, well, you cannot witness such majesty without bringing yourself to think about its Painter, His grand plans and majestic things.
so far, life has not been too kind to me. toils and troubles come and go as they will. but looking back, God’s goodness and providence were always there, never too early yet never late, always on His promised time. next, there is still the remainder of life’s journey ahead of me i do not know of yet. daunting, yes, but also hopeful. hope that the end will be worth it. hope that one day we will see our Beloved, face to face and partake in His glory, which obviously is far more magnificent and breathtaking beyond words and imagination, compared to the delicate splendour in my window.
this year has begun with a glorious display. i don’t think it’s uncanny at all, predictable rather, that i found this peaceful morning sky feels more like a new year than last night puny fireworks above Telstra Dome which marked the first 10 minutes of 2009. for it reminded me that He is there, in the grandeur of His creations... and also here with us, deep in our hearts….
a new year is not a new year without a resolution, is it? as for mine, let it be this: learning to live to do God’s bidding, as a young lady, as a professional, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, as a follower, as a leader, as what a true Christian and a believer should be. i want to walk 2009 with Emmanuel.
this morning i woke up to one of the prettiest skies i’ve seen thus far. it was 6am. with westward facing windows, it was always sunsets never sunrise (and mind you, i am not usually up this early). yet today i was welcomed by a soft lilac canvas, tinted with the palest shades of pink and yellow and azure, decorated with grey wandering clouds hanging high above the horizon. such a tranquil and subtle beauty, suited for the first dawn of a brand new year. golden rays were reflected in the glassy exterior of Docklands’ numerous apartment buildings, while a seemingly never-ending stream of Melburnian clubbers, clad in white from top to bottom, beings of a world totally opposite from the serenity portrayed, left Telstra Dome after an massive night of ‘old and new’ clubbing. a sad juxtaposition.
then, i thought of God… and life… and what to become of it in this coming year, since, well, you cannot witness such majesty without bringing yourself to think about its Painter, His grand plans and majestic things.
so far, life has not been too kind to me. toils and troubles come and go as they will. but looking back, God’s goodness and providence were always there, never too early yet never late, always on His promised time. next, there is still the remainder of life’s journey ahead of me i do not know of yet. daunting, yes, but also hopeful. hope that the end will be worth it. hope that one day we will see our Beloved, face to face and partake in His glory, which obviously is far more magnificent and breathtaking beyond words and imagination, compared to the delicate splendour in my window.
this year has begun with a glorious display. i don’t think it’s uncanny at all, predictable rather, that i found this peaceful morning sky feels more like a new year than last night puny fireworks above Telstra Dome which marked the first 10 minutes of 2009. for it reminded me that He is there, in the grandeur of His creations... and also here with us, deep in our hearts….
a new year is not a new year without a resolution, is it? as for mine, let it be this: learning to live to do God’s bidding, as a young lady, as a professional, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, as a follower, as a leader, as what a true Christian and a believer should be. i want to walk 2009 with Emmanuel.
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