one day, nineteen hours and 700grams later after i landed on beloved humid surabaya, listening to jack johnson blasting away from dad's super stereo, raindrops falling on mum's frangipani tree and pots of orchids in our minute backyard, sis playing with devon on the deck, i feel truly grateful. coming back home after living the melburnian life for years gave me a slight cultural shock, people has different attitude towards matter here and it annoyed me like hell, not too mention the unbearable humidity and heat that leaves me feeling sticky the whole time. still, there is no place like home :) no matter how much you complain about all this trivial annoyance, being home is still the best!
hmmm... no waking up at 6.30, no running after the 7.49 train, no working my ass off from 8.30 to 5. it feels weird and great at the same time!! oh holiday~~ blissful holiday~
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
irritated, but thankful
life can be peculiar sometimes. right when i have thought that i have changed a lot over this blessed 2009, someone pointed out one of my strength that is also one of my biggest flaw. and this is not someone whom i have known for a long long time like you, beloved FA people. this is someone i've only known for barely a month. what are the odds of meeting someone who noticed your flaw in such short period of time and dared to point it out to you when you are just getting to know eachother? freakin daredevil. and it must have been a freakin big flaw.
that's not all. there's still another blow, adding to this sudden initiation of character shaping process. somehow i was deemed irresponsible merely for being too laid back. how if it is actually one's personality to be that kind of person? and it is not that i don't want to change, it just takes time. i am only human and i am fully aware of that fact as i hope other people is, too. so, now i am confused. what sort of person do i have to be?
ah yeah, of course i am not forgetting that we are to become like JC, i know that. i was hoping of something more detailed, like a step by step instruction :p haha i am asking for the lazy way, if not the impossible. where is the learning process if living is just following a step by step manual book?
anyways, one thing i understood from all this, God wants to shape me even more, into His likeness. that is why He tinkered with my character, uprooting and throwing away bad traits, they are not for keeping. i want to become a better person, too, and damn, it is hard not to do things in my own way. surrender, allie, surrender...
i am grateful that they have been opened up for me. i thought i was ok, and apparently i am not. there is still an enormous space for growth. friends, may they be old or new, are always the best mirrors you will ever have for they would be able to show you what you can't see for yourself.
Lord, i thank you for such people :)
xoxo
allie
that's not all. there's still another blow, adding to this sudden initiation of character shaping process. somehow i was deemed irresponsible merely for being too laid back. how if it is actually one's personality to be that kind of person? and it is not that i don't want to change, it just takes time. i am only human and i am fully aware of that fact as i hope other people is, too. so, now i am confused. what sort of person do i have to be?
ah yeah, of course i am not forgetting that we are to become like JC, i know that. i was hoping of something more detailed, like a step by step instruction :p haha i am asking for the lazy way, if not the impossible. where is the learning process if living is just following a step by step manual book?
anyways, one thing i understood from all this, God wants to shape me even more, into His likeness. that is why He tinkered with my character, uprooting and throwing away bad traits, they are not for keeping. i want to become a better person, too, and damn, it is hard not to do things in my own way. surrender, allie, surrender...
i am grateful that they have been opened up for me. i thought i was ok, and apparently i am not. there is still an enormous space for growth. friends, may they be old or new, are always the best mirrors you will ever have for they would be able to show you what you can't see for yourself.
Lord, i thank you for such people :)
xoxo
allie
Sunday, December 6, 2009
a writer's repentance
i was reading through my old posts, trying to find some inspiration for my end of year project, the 2009 testimonials and i found that the older posts are more sincere, more honest and more from the heart. apparently along the way i have lost that sincerity in writing whatever i have written, since dunno when. and sis agreed.
a good knock in the head, it was. stop being so proud of your writings allie. just be true to yourself.
off to enjoy the sun!!
a good knock in the head, it was. stop being so proud of your writings allie. just be true to yourself.
off to enjoy the sun!!
on love
“He who is forgiven little, loves little.” This little statement reveals a mammoth truth for us: We will love God to the degree that we recognize the magnitude of our sins and the immensity of God’s grace to forgive them.
- www.desiringgod.org -
- www.desiringgod.org -
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
26 degrees
melburnians! go outside! look up to the sky!!
isn't today beautiful?
what a gorgeous weather!
and i can't wait for john piper's next sermon~
i am beyond excited!!
isn't today beautiful?
what a gorgeous weather!
and i can't wait for john piper's next sermon~
i am beyond excited!!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
a little conversation
A : "i have problem understanding Matthew 22:14. 'for many are called, but few chosen' if not everyone is called, and not everyone is chosen, are there people who have been predestined not to be saved?"
B : "well, if any of us has come to Jesus, we come because He drew us, which none of us deserves and you if you never come it's because the Father did not draw you which all of us deserves." this is a really inconvenient truth, but i find great comfort in it... which needs a bigger time & space than this little conversation.. how about this, if there is this one person, whom in our eyes is impossible to be saved, impossible for him/her to believe then we go to God and ask for him/her to be given to Jesus then it's up to Him to draw that person, so nothing's impossible and the burden is lifted off our shoulders to become Jesus' marketing rep & the punishment we inflict ourselves when people refuse to believe in Him or even leave Him... but again, maybe it will take years to really grab this truth instead of the romanticised version we like to hear... take as much time as it's necessary :)"
A : "the only thing that i can grasp firmly at the moment is how grateful i am that He has chosen me, it’s not me you see but God himself chose me to be saved. how great is that? this is real solid food and it might take a lifetime to comprehend and maybe not even to the full extent but i chose to just live by faith, on the basis of what i have experienced, i need no other reason to live in JC. dear me... i think i just have found the answer to our cell's concern that we shared to eachother yesterday... what can we do to improve cell, to get everyone excited in God... now i think we don’t need to frustrate ourselves so much thinking abt it. just do our part, all the best that we can and when we see result, it is not us, it is Him. the burden is indeed lifted."
B : "personally i've gone thru this... when someone very close to me stopped coming to church 2 years ago i felt really condemned... i asked stupid questions like, "was it something i said, was it that time i forgot to pray for her, was it something i did?" then as a cell we asked even sillier questions, "was it cos we didn't meet her every need? was it cos we don't take her out to dinners & outings enough? was it cos someone forgot to wish her happy bday?" sounds very pious, huh? carryyy all this burden on my shoulders in hope God will take pity on us and she will return.... let's reverse this, if there is someone in our cell who comes diligently, really listened to the Word of God, excited to go to church, ministers and gives him/herself to be baptised... is it cos of us? our efforts & methods worked? must be because we've been such great leaders tat they believe? was it tat wonderful song choice or tat particularly moving prayer that did it?? then this truth comes slamming down like a fresh wind... Psalm 115, the glory is not to us but to His name... "God is in the heavens, He does whatever He pleases" and all these verses abt it's Him that draws us near, He won't let anyone get out of His sight once they're His... mannn...wat relief...how liberated i felt.... T_____T my zeal for preaching & teaching also increases cos i know it's not my works, not my song choice, not any particular illustration, BUT WHEN GOD works in the hearts of His flock. that's sovereign grace."
this might interest you too~
B : "well, if any of us has come to Jesus, we come because He drew us, which none of us deserves and you if you never come it's because the Father did not draw you which all of us deserves." this is a really inconvenient truth, but i find great comfort in it... which needs a bigger time & space than this little conversation.. how about this, if there is this one person, whom in our eyes is impossible to be saved, impossible for him/her to believe then we go to God and ask for him/her to be given to Jesus then it's up to Him to draw that person, so nothing's impossible and the burden is lifted off our shoulders to become Jesus' marketing rep & the punishment we inflict ourselves when people refuse to believe in Him or even leave Him... but again, maybe it will take years to really grab this truth instead of the romanticised version we like to hear... take as much time as it's necessary :)"
A : "the only thing that i can grasp firmly at the moment is how grateful i am that He has chosen me, it’s not me you see but God himself chose me to be saved. how great is that? this is real solid food and it might take a lifetime to comprehend and maybe not even to the full extent but i chose to just live by faith, on the basis of what i have experienced, i need no other reason to live in JC. dear me... i think i just have found the answer to our cell's concern that we shared to eachother yesterday... what can we do to improve cell, to get everyone excited in God... now i think we don’t need to frustrate ourselves so much thinking abt it. just do our part, all the best that we can and when we see result, it is not us, it is Him. the burden is indeed lifted."
B : "personally i've gone thru this... when someone very close to me stopped coming to church 2 years ago i felt really condemned... i asked stupid questions like, "was it something i said, was it that time i forgot to pray for her, was it something i did?" then as a cell we asked even sillier questions, "was it cos we didn't meet her every need? was it cos we don't take her out to dinners & outings enough? was it cos someone forgot to wish her happy bday?" sounds very pious, huh? carryyy all this burden on my shoulders in hope God will take pity on us and she will return.... let's reverse this, if there is someone in our cell who comes diligently, really listened to the Word of God, excited to go to church, ministers and gives him/herself to be baptised... is it cos of us? our efforts & methods worked? must be because we've been such great leaders tat they believe? was it tat wonderful song choice or tat particularly moving prayer that did it?? then this truth comes slamming down like a fresh wind... Psalm 115, the glory is not to us but to His name... "God is in the heavens, He does whatever He pleases" and all these verses abt it's Him that draws us near, He won't let anyone get out of His sight once they're His... mannn...wat relief...how liberated i felt.... T_____T my zeal for preaching & teaching also increases cos i know it's not my works, not my song choice, not any particular illustration, BUT WHEN GOD works in the hearts of His flock. that's sovereign grace."
this might interest you too~
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