fine lines

no, not talking about wrinkles.

...

there is a fine line between a genuine and a hypocrite.

there is a fine line between "genuinely happy" and "being happy coz you know you are supposed to be happy".

there is a fine line between "not becoming attached to your career/success coz you know that it is not either yours or by your might but all by grace" and "just don't give a damn about it because it is not yours anyway".

there is a fine line between "seriously working hard in your ministry coz you are feeling the utmost gratitude for the greatest grace you have received" and "seriously working hard in your ministry coz you feel that you are obliged to do so in return of all the goodness God has given to you".

there are other fine lines i could come up with, but what for? being able to know where to draw the line is what matters. and we know that what makes the difference is here, deep inside. our hearts. that is where we start fixing.

i feel you...

tough year awaits, it seems. so many things i can feel will happen in the first year of my second quarter of a century. really scared of all these unknowns. will i survive? yes, God will make sure of it. i'm in His care. we're in His care :)

daddy Abe

learned about Abraham this week. to be precise, about his lifestyle and his faith that drove that lifestyle. a faith in the eternal, in what is far more precious than whatever are in this world, which leads to a simple, humble, sojourner's lifestyle, for in his view, life is a mere pilgrimage prior to going home to the eternal city.

this is a very confronting lesson. i tried putting myself in Abraham's shoes (within modern settings of course, for we live in the now). i found that those shoes do not fit the current me. i still want so many things, from clothes, shoes, bags (being a girl, sigh), coffee (nearly becoming my obsession if i'm not careful), to dreaming of one day buying my own car and house (and maybe a second one, and a third one, et cetera) and travel around the world as much as i can. the past two mornings, i could not help glancing at speed's window and contemplating whether i should get that uber-cute dress or not. i've had two cups of truth (that's the name of the coffee stall in campbell arcade) this week although i didn't need it. this is the lifestyle that i am fond of, lavish and comfortable lifestyle, well, as long as i can afford it. greed still reigns in this heart.

i don't understand how he did it, but Abraham never desired wealth nor status, although he had both. he was a very well-off farmer, who chose to live in a tent instead of a nice mansion he certainly would be able to afford. and living in a tent in the middle eastern continental climate is far from comfortable: intense heat during the day and dead cold at night. so why did he not seem to care at all?

8 By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. 9 By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. 10 For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.
(Hebrews 11:8-10)

by faith, it is.

our lifestyle is a reflection of our heart's attitude, then there must be something wrong with our hearts (i suppose not just something but many things, let's start with digging deeper into this one for now).

like you and me, Abraham still could not see clearly what is ahead, even he would not have had a clue of what the city he was looking forward to is like. but then again, is not faith being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see? Abraham lived right out of this verse, which was written long after his time. KD also mentioned that Abraham had been living Matthew 6:33 as well. he sought nothing but the kingdom of God, but look how bloody wealthy he was! and still all those wealth was not enough to steer him away from his course towards eternity.

simply put, we do not seem to have the divine and biblical perspective Abraham had. hey, we still yearn and love and strife for this world (all those clothes and shoes and bags!!).

how could he had such faith? how can we have such faith?

"the change of perspective can only be done by God, who is beyond us and beyond our minds" - KD
God... help us to see your true worth.

it's a double-sided coin

when God loves, God also corrects (Maslan, 2010)

teach me Your way O Lord
and i'll walk in Your truth
give me an undivided heart
that i may fear Your name

i will praise You
forever and ever
with all of my heart
and all of my strength
and all of my life
i offer to You Lord
let Your will be done in my life
teach me Your way

quiet nights

five days ago, i was so excited to come back to melbourne, to end my uselessness during the blissfully unhappening holiday. now that i am here, in the city that i love, doing my job and my ministry that i love, living in the apartment that i love, yet without my closest and dearest ones, i am painfully lonely.

hey you people, this is how much you guys mean to me, come back soon!
especially u sis. home is so dead.

ummmmph

landed safely yesterday, melbourne sweet melbourne.
got tummy ache, the plane food or kopitiam curry?
maybe both.
really haven't gotten the hang of the english language.
i hope i adapt back quickly,
i have work tomorrow >_<

monday, and i'm not at work!

first post in 2010! will be a short and stupid one, not really in the mood to write however feeling the urge to exist. having another slow and lazy holiday day and just wanna say, damn i miss melbourne!

happy new year!