walking the memory lane

listening to: eln attempting to play guitar with her sore fingers.
mood: sentimental

a while ago we were clicking through old photo albums. clicking? well, yeah, no more pages to flip nowadays, thanks to the ever-developing technology that allows people to keep memories not on printed sheets of glossy paper anymore but in the form of bytes in harddrives. anyways, we spent about one good sentimental hour revisiting past places and events, reminiscing sorely missed togetherness, laughing at wacky videos and ridiculous snapshots.

damn, i want those moments again! the responsibilities that came along with entering the marketplace as an employed someone as well as the amount of dedication i put into my ministry lately have robbed me of some time with my precious melburnians. are we not a family altar? why is it so difficult to enjoy moments with my own so-called family?

it wouldn't be a mere coincidence, would it, that today i went to the second service, where Om Djohan preached about living for God and for others? well, what good would it be you if live for God but you treat others as if they're unsignificant? yet, wanting to do all these things i know i am supposed to do, makes me yearn for 36 hours in a day! ...then it became clear to me that it does need some sacrifices, doesn't it? JC sacrificed Himself for us coz He loves us. i won't be able to do the same (yet) but i do love you guys (to some extent :p), all i have to do is to follow in His footsteps and ask God help me!

short-term resolution: making more moments together coz i do care


xoxo, allie

3

we went to try new dining and chilling places today, ventured slightly out of the city. kinda fun, eh, L and phen? bit saddened though by how hard it is now to find a timeslot that suits everyone to spend moments together. miss y'all.

current literary pleasures

Symphony No 9 in D minor op 125: 1. Allegro ma non troppo, un poco maestoso - Ludwig Van Beethoven

yes, i am back to reading again.

i just finished A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess.


and in the middle of The Pilgrim's Progress - John Bunyan.
(loaned from my personal library next door)


i started the latter earlier than the earlier yet i finished the earlier earlier than the latter.

A Clockwork Orange is brilliantly sick. sick sick sick. it would be what the world be without God, or Bog as our humble narrator Alex called Him. total dystopia. this little novella has been my in-train-reading-staple for the past couple of days, bought on Sunday, finished today lunchtime. well, just for the sake of being opinionated about everything, i'll make some comments and commendations.

i would never agree with all the things our anti-hero Alex had done in this book, but i would never approve either, all the other things that had been done to him. that aside, for me, what makes it such a page turner is Burgess' made-up slovos used to narrate the story, the nadsat, the teen language, for yous who know me well enough would know how fond i am of words and lingo. i was really confused reading the first page, however as the story moves along, you kinda guess the meaning of those alien-sounding words from their context, and when the guesswork became enjoyable, it sucked you in. it is such a sick book that was made into a sick movie and i just wanted to know if it has a sick ending as well, or not? for me to know, for you to find out. nevertheless, it was an interestingly disturbing read, definitely not for the faint-hearted.

tomorrow's train ride will be with good olde John Bunyan.

Jesus loves me~

Jesus Loves Me - James Morrison

Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
They are weak, but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! This I know,
As He loved so long ago,
Taking children on His knee,
Saying, “Let them come to Me.”

Jesus loves me still today,
Walking with me on my way,
Wanting as a friend to give
Light and love to all who live.

Jesus loves me! He who died
Heaven’s gate to open wide;
He will wash away my sin,
Let His little child come in.

Jesus loves me! He will stay
Close beside me all the way;
Thou hast bled and died for me,
I will henceforth live for Thee.

bleeding love

i wrote this for the Easter edition of my church bulletin and planned to keep it unposted until it actually comes out on paper but i just cannot resist the urge to share it here :p

“for you know that it was not with perishable thing such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.”
(1 Peter 1:18-19)

there’s this classic saying that you don’t know how important something is until you lose it. likewise, never will we understand the preciousness of a trickle of blood until it is lost and we thus suffer from the dear consequences of our anaemic situation.

remember two weeks ago? i said goodbye to some of my blood, it being taken away from me via the bag, intravenous catheter and needle of the Australian Red Cross, and only then i appreciate what great part those litres of thick fluidic substance play in maintaining my life. i learned it the hard way, more precisely, the embarrassing way. imagine a room with approximately two dozens people donating blood and i was the only one they held up until very late that night since i was feeling woozy, light-headed and seeing stars, not only once, but twice, from having the same 470 mls taken away from my vein, whereas the same amount didn’t really affect all those other people.

being of a medical background, i understand to the littlest scientific detail what blood does in our body, which would bore you out and make you click that “x” mark at the corner of your explorer window if i explain it in great details. the point is, even a grade-schooler knows that blood is essential for one’s well being. if our blood is already that precious, how much more is the blood of Christ?

“but Christ came as high priest of the good things to come, with the greater and more perfect tabernacle not made with hands, that is, not of this creation. not with the blood of goats and calves, but with His own blood He entered the most holy place once for all, having obtained eternal redemption. for if the blood of bulls and goats and the ashes of a heifer, sprinkling the unclean, sanctifies for the purifying of the flesh, how much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal spirit offered Himself without spot to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?”
(Hebrews 9:11-14)

purifying, sanctifying blood of Christ, that washes all our filthy sins away. the precious blood of Christ, that was spilled on the cross.

how painful it would have been, to be hung up there on the rough beam side-by-side with a couple of criminals, all your body weight supported by two mere nails that were jammed right across your palms, wearing a crown that sunk deeper and deeper with every lift of an eyebrow, bled, being spat on, mocked, whipped, and then died after long hours of humiliation and extreme excruciation? doesn’t sound pretty at all, i know. but He did it nevertheless, spilled all those precious blood, at the climactic first part of the salvation grand plan. and of course, three days later, He was raised from the dead and you know the rest of the story.

even as a redeemed sinner, the idea of Son of God died for me still seems outlandish and incomprehensible. it does not make sense for someone of such sovereignty to have endured such suffering just for the sake of us who are definitely unworthy to receive any redemption. we are freaking condemned to die.

i think it only makes sense just to say God loves us so much.

“for God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
(John 3:16)

who wouldn’t want to love back that kind of God?

virtual insanity

i found this postcard last sunday in front of red silk, where they put all those free avant ones and this one just amuses me!

it makes me think about our life as the tech-savvy generation. i would say most of us will feel incapacitated offline, when we cannot google all life's questions, go chatterbox-ing on messengers, kaypoh-ing on myspace/facebook or like me, unleashing thoughts on a blogpage.

what would a modern man do without internet? which one of you does not check your emails first thing in the morning, as soon as you sit in front of that computer in the office? just few hours ago i got home with my sis, we were ravished, but the first thing she did was turning on her computer then opened the fridge in search of food. wow. all this technology is grabbing hold onto our lives, slowly but sure, taking more and more control of it. let's just hope we don't become all those lazy plumpy tech-dependent humans in wall-e.

shaken self esteem

making split-second decisions are easy from a bystander point of view, but wait until you're really in one's shoes. you feel like shit for all the things that fell apart, especially if you're someone of rather high influence. when will you know how ready one is for a responsibility?

i should quit distrusting myself.

insecurities

few weeks working and i am already on the brink of complaining. working, and especially the idle hours wasted travelling, absolutely drains. furthermore, there is no change in my other routines, that are menado, kudo, FA and housemaking, adding to the physical demands. the virtual world that used to be my consolation when i am bored or simply have nothing else to do does not interest me anymore, since the only thing i wanna do when i got home is just to hit the mattress and snooze. i have been exhausted to the point i don't even go online anymore. thus, i am utterly grateful from the deepest pit of my heart that L is here now and i would say the 3 months intense training from my mom to mould her into a better, more responsible person actually bears results. she would do dishes and laundry without being told, and it's just very nice to have someone who enjoys chilling on the carpet, listening to decade-old indo songs, as much as i do.

but, is this how i'm gonna spend the bulk of my adult life, working my ass off and collapse at home afterwards everyday? is it worth it to keep doing what i am doing now? oh how i wish to be a student again and have 8 hours a week instead of 8 hours a day. it's not like i've ever had 8 hours a week anyways, dental school does not really understand the meaning of day off. yet, on the other hand, i would be sick of being a student already, it has been too long. it's just... i am finding it a little bit trying to embrace this change.

changes are never easy, even from the worse to better.
(Ps Sim, last Sunday)

i have this personal fear which i shared last night in FA, i am afraid i won't be able to keep on fire serving the Lord like this. i mean i feel excited with the Lord at the moment, but, would i have the same passion in say... 5 years? 10 years? or even in a year if i succumb to workplace pressures? it really does make me paranoid and to put it in eln's words, i don't trust myself. and what did God say about this? He reminded me of just one thing, "child, the journey is not always easy but i am here with You"

long i have known that it's not my strength but His grace that will help me through, no matter what, only long also i have forgotten to have faith in it. not me, but You, Lord. Thanks!


a video from few months ago. apparently i really like the song, liking it enough to post it twice :p