dear Lord, You chose to love me
there is no escaping Your love
a battle within me, torn my insides apart
heart aching, wanting yet not willing
my soul cries for Your fellowship
my spirit groans for an intimacy
too long have i denied those yearnings
my spirit's longing, my soul's desire
my flesh would not yield, it would not let go
of what it had loved, self and ego
too late to go back, for no longer i belong
once i tasted Your sweet love, there is no turning back
where can i go from Your Spirit?
where can i flee from Your presence?
finally surrendering i come
not by might, not by strength, but by Your Spirit o Lord
draw me near for i want to love You
to be in the embrace of Your presence once again
to feel the joy of meeting You face to face
to drown in Your love, to lose myself in You
so here i am, take it all
i am learning to let go
so that i can love You
with all of my heart
with all of my soul
with all of my mind
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
artistically lacking
so sorry i am lacking the flair for artistic expressions :9
could not even helped sis with her exhibition bio.
on the other hand, sweet jess is the best in expressive writing.
her story's a blessing too!
enjoy :)
could not even helped sis with her exhibition bio.
on the other hand, sweet jess is the best in expressive writing.
her story's a blessing too!
enjoy :)
flowers gleam and glow~
been doing some research on floriade. mum loves flowers and she's coming over late september with daddy! hurrah!! found that it's not only the floriade but there will be a nightfest too!! aaaaaa really wanna go now! a weekend trip is definitely on. now have to coax boo into going too. could use a "local" guide :p
Thursday, July 14, 2011
oh what a love
You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
-psalm 139-
God's crazy love for us. He knows me all too well. He knows what is inside my heart. He knows what i want which is not necessarily what i need. He knows that i need Him. He knows what is best for me. thus He drew me near. and i cannot escape Him, who is waiting for me with outstretched arms and abounding love. won't it break your heart to have such love? i am so sorry Lord for grieving You. oh i learned today what is important for me and what's not. You do know best. all i need is You. yes Father i will come <3
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
-psalm 139-
God's crazy love for us. He knows me all too well. He knows what is inside my heart. He knows what i want which is not necessarily what i need. He knows that i need Him. He knows what is best for me. thus He drew me near. and i cannot escape Him, who is waiting for me with outstretched arms and abounding love. won't it break your heart to have such love? i am so sorry Lord for grieving You. oh i learned today what is important for me and what's not. You do know best. all i need is You. yes Father i will come <3
Monday, July 11, 2011
psalm of thanksgiving
Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
sharings and thoughts post wake-up wintercamp! get excited!
hi i'm back from wintercamp! juko, lois and apu was requesting live tweet but my mobile could not get any reception up there in the mountains :( so now i'm gonna write all in this note, and that would be better than limiting the sharing into 140 characters, no? :p
it was such a great camp! i've been to four wintercamps. i played during the first one, being so young and ignorant and not so serious with God yet. i was restored during the second camp because that was right after a heartbreaking situation in my life. i struggled and was so down and God healed my heart. i decided to serve in the third wintercamp and so i did. God touched me there, confirming, yes you are loved. now this fourth one was to equip. it was no ordinary wintercamp. it was a spiritual bootcamp. spiritual military training camp.
few months before i go, i had a lot of confusion about my own faith. i have been serving God for years, and somehow i have this stirring up in my heart, is this it? there seems to be more. people around me are growing spiritually in such an acceleration, i want it for myself. i can tell the Holy Spirit is moving mightily, even way before the wintercamp started. i want to be serious with God. God dug out one by one things i should have done for Him and things i should not do anymore. i obeyed, with struggle yet with perseverance too. i still want more.
a lot of people have been talking about their calling recently. it made me think. what about me? God wouldn't put me on earth just to do the mundane things of daily life. life is more than this. He created us with a purpose right from the very beginning when He planned us. He knows what he's gonna use us for when He weaved us in our mother's womb. i sort of know, but i don't know, do you get what i mean? i believe God will equip us when He's using us. and i believe too, that the talents God put in me are for His glory. everything that i can do is to be used for His glory, just like the parables of the servants with five, two and one talent. in the end, we are accountable to God. yet, i feel that it is more than this. i feel this is a starting point, but what God will do in our lives will be more amazing. it will be things beyond our expectations, beond what our eyes has seen, our ears have heard, our mind has ever thought of.
i was hungry for God, but i doubted myself. will i be able to pursue God with my whole heart? i am a sinner. yes the blood of Jesus has redeemed me, but i still struggle with daily sin, like in Romans 7:14-25. i am a wretched person.
i want to meet God. i want Him to encourage me and tell me "keep going my daughter, you're doing my will". i want to have the assurance that i am loved. i want to know if my faith is pleasing in His eyes. i want to know what He is calling me for. i want to be equipped to be his worker, because i won"t be able to lead my FA with this kind of unsettled heart. if i don't know what i am, who i am in God, how can i lead other people to Him. leader must set example. and i am burdened to set a good example. one that is pleasing in God's eyes.
yes, i am a leader if you're wondering. i lead a COmmunity Of Love, "cool" or family altar, "FA" as we call it here. i lead choir. i serve the Lord. i sing. i translate. i used to write, not as often now though. being in these positions made me struggle with pride. this is the first thing God wants to deal with. i have many more reason to be proud. i'm a dentist. i'm no dumb girl. i have a loving family. most people in church know me because of the extensive ministry i do. God knows pride is inside my heart, because i feel that i am "someone".
He deals with it everyday, reminding me through His word and also the people He put around me. i made an agreement with a friend, if we start getting proud, the other one must rebuke. i thank God for such companion in Christ. i learn to be humbled everyday. and it's not just me. pride prevails in my FA. we're a bunch of intellectuals, at risk of being so full of ourselves. one day we prayed for FA, and i got an impression in my heart that this FA needs to be humble. there's too much pride. and surprise, surprise, before i got the chance to share with my FA members, KD shared it in his sermon on Sunday!! isn't our God wonderful?
anyways, i better go back to sharing about the camp.
the first day, first session, pastor John Mendez started with this topic: God's calling. wow! this is for me i thought... but as the sessions go, even continuing on to second session, i felt, "wait, this is nothing new. i've heard all of this before. God, i knew all this". even into the second day, it's another thing God has taught me about recently. the Holy Spirit, our counsellor and the teaching Spirit of truth. again?? i asked God. but suddenly i understood through this joke. pastor John shared with us his life story, how he became a pastor at the tender age of twenty and he only had three sermons to share each week. one know-it-all guy came to him one day and asked, "hey pastor John, do you know any other sermon?". pastor John was caught off guard, but he said "yes". then the guy asked again, "when are you gonna preach the fourth sermon?" and pastor John answered, "when you have practiced the three sermons". everyone was laughing but it got through to my heart like a dagger. yes Lord, i've only learned about these things not long ago, i haven't got the opportunity to plant them deeply inside my heart yet. "do what i've taught you first, then i'll lead you to the next step." i thank God for every confirmation He gave me. do you know that everytime God spoke to me through His words, He does it twice, or sometimes thrice? He knows i reason too much, so He always gives me more than one evidence :p my omniscience God. He knows me so well.
it's the same thing with ci Betty's sessions. one after another, confirmations after confirmations. this time i just said, yes Lord, i'll pay attention in your "classes". we even had a girl talk session. how we talked about being a women of God, and one of the verses was taken from Proverbs 31. did we not talk so much about it lately? especially with you, cui? :p
second day, second night was so powerful. His Words were so powerful, i believe it is changing my life forever.
Colossians 2
I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no-one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.
Freedom From Human Regulations Through Life With Christ
So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no-one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. For in Christ all the fulness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fulness in Christ, who is the Head over every power and authority. In him you were also circumcised, in the putting off of the sinful nature, not with a circumcision done by the hands of men but with the circumcision done by Christ, having been buried with him in baptism and raised with him through your faith in the power of God, who raised him from the dead. When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having cancelled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.
He forgave us all our sins!! and this is what He wants us to have a complete understanding of. the fullness of Deity in in Christ and now that Christ is in us, we have a God-given authority over our lives. we no longer live in sin. we have been delivered! and although we maybe have struggles, the enemy is no longer in us! now... satan will keep trying to rob this back. oh, he doesn't like it when we're with God. and this is what is called the spiritual warfare. but you know what, we're already victorious. Jesus triumphed at the cross and greater is He who is in us that he who is in the world! this truth is so liberating, He took away all my doubts :))
and boy... God was there all the time. the tangible presence of the Lord was so strong in that place, no one wanted to leave, come the third day. but hey, we are equipped to be an influence in the world, not to seclude ourselves in the mountains, so up we went, hopped on the bus and back to civilization.
another thing i learned about myself, is God trusting us with different things and what He has trusted to me is different from other people. some receives visions and images of the glory of God. at times i was envious. but now i realise, i'm getting sensitive to God's heart. i am learning to share God's heart, God's emotion. i can tell when He's happy, when He's sad, at times when i'm really close to Him. and i hope that it will be everyday. now i don't ask for anything else but for His will be done in my life. there is no point of getting envious of other people. God works in a mysterious way, my human mind will not comprehend, so i surrender it into His hands.
one more thing! no one, no servant of God ever prophesied for me when they pray for me! four wintercamps. various events when we invite guest speakers and preachers. not once. guess i have to do it the hard way and ask God to tell me Himself... :s
i m so excited and i am so excited for FA. sorry FA peeps, i will share exactly the same thing again on friday :p thank you for reading. hope it is not too long. and hope it blesses you :)
xoxo
allie
it was such a great camp! i've been to four wintercamps. i played during the first one, being so young and ignorant and not so serious with God yet. i was restored during the second camp because that was right after a heartbreaking situation in my life. i struggled and was so down and God healed my heart. i decided to serve in the third wintercamp and so i did. God touched me there, confirming, yes you are loved. now this fourth one was to equip. it was no ordinary wintercamp. it was a spiritual bootcamp. spiritual military training camp.
few months before i go, i had a lot of confusion about my own faith. i have been serving God for years, and somehow i have this stirring up in my heart, is this it? there seems to be more. people around me are growing spiritually in such an acceleration, i want it for myself. i can tell the Holy Spirit is moving mightily, even way before the wintercamp started. i want to be serious with God. God dug out one by one things i should have done for Him and things i should not do anymore. i obeyed, with struggle yet with perseverance too. i still want more.
a lot of people have been talking about their calling recently. it made me think. what about me? God wouldn't put me on earth just to do the mundane things of daily life. life is more than this. He created us with a purpose right from the very beginning when He planned us. He knows what he's gonna use us for when He weaved us in our mother's womb. i sort of know, but i don't know, do you get what i mean? i believe God will equip us when He's using us. and i believe too, that the talents God put in me are for His glory. everything that i can do is to be used for His glory, just like the parables of the servants with five, two and one talent. in the end, we are accountable to God. yet, i feel that it is more than this. i feel this is a starting point, but what God will do in our lives will be more amazing. it will be things beyond our expectations, beond what our eyes has seen, our ears have heard, our mind has ever thought of.
i was hungry for God, but i doubted myself. will i be able to pursue God with my whole heart? i am a sinner. yes the blood of Jesus has redeemed me, but i still struggle with daily sin, like in Romans 7:14-25. i am a wretched person.
i want to meet God. i want Him to encourage me and tell me "keep going my daughter, you're doing my will". i want to have the assurance that i am loved. i want to know if my faith is pleasing in His eyes. i want to know what He is calling me for. i want to be equipped to be his worker, because i won"t be able to lead my FA with this kind of unsettled heart. if i don't know what i am, who i am in God, how can i lead other people to Him. leader must set example. and i am burdened to set a good example. one that is pleasing in God's eyes.
yes, i am a leader if you're wondering. i lead a COmmunity Of Love, "cool" or family altar, "FA" as we call it here. i lead choir. i serve the Lord. i sing. i translate. i used to write, not as often now though. being in these positions made me struggle with pride. this is the first thing God wants to deal with. i have many more reason to be proud. i'm a dentist. i'm no dumb girl. i have a loving family. most people in church know me because of the extensive ministry i do. God knows pride is inside my heart, because i feel that i am "someone".
He deals with it everyday, reminding me through His word and also the people He put around me. i made an agreement with a friend, if we start getting proud, the other one must rebuke. i thank God for such companion in Christ. i learn to be humbled everyday. and it's not just me. pride prevails in my FA. we're a bunch of intellectuals, at risk of being so full of ourselves. one day we prayed for FA, and i got an impression in my heart that this FA needs to be humble. there's too much pride. and surprise, surprise, before i got the chance to share with my FA members, KD shared it in his sermon on Sunday!! isn't our God wonderful?
anyways, i better go back to sharing about the camp.
the first day, first session, pastor John Mendez started with this topic: God's calling. wow! this is for me i thought... but as the sessions go, even continuing on to second session, i felt, "wait, this is nothing new. i've heard all of this before. God, i knew all this". even into the second day, it's another thing God has taught me about recently. the Holy Spirit, our counsellor and the teaching Spirit of truth. again?? i asked God. but suddenly i understood through this joke. pastor John shared with us his life story, how he became a pastor at the tender age of twenty and he only had three sermons to share each week. one know-it-all guy came to him one day and asked, "hey pastor John, do you know any other sermon?". pastor John was caught off guard, but he said "yes". then the guy asked again, "when are you gonna preach the fourth sermon?" and pastor John answered, "when you have practiced the three sermons". everyone was laughing but it got through to my heart like a dagger. yes Lord, i've only learned about these things not long ago, i haven't got the opportunity to plant them deeply inside my heart yet. "do what i've taught you first, then i'll lead you to the next step." i thank God for every confirmation He gave me. do you know that everytime God spoke to me through His words, He does it twice, or sometimes thrice? He knows i reason too much, so He always gives me more than one evidence :p my omniscience God. He knows me so well.
it's the same thing with ci Betty's sessions. one after another, confirmations after confirmations. this time i just said, yes Lord, i'll pay attention in your "classes". we even had a girl talk session. how we talked about being a women of God, and one of the verses was taken from Proverbs 31. did we not talk so much about it lately? especially with you, cui? :p
second day, second night was so powerful. His Words were so powerful, i believe it is changing my life forever.
Colossians 2
I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no-one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.
Freedom From Human Regulations Through Life With Christ
So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no-one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. For in Christ all the fulness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fulness in Christ, who is the Head over every power and authority. In him you were also circumcised, in the putting off of the sinful nature, not with a circumcision done by the hands of men but with the circumcision done by Christ, having been buried with him in baptism and raised with him through your faith in the power of God, who raised him from the dead. When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having cancelled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.
He forgave us all our sins!! and this is what He wants us to have a complete understanding of. the fullness of Deity in in Christ and now that Christ is in us, we have a God-given authority over our lives. we no longer live in sin. we have been delivered! and although we maybe have struggles, the enemy is no longer in us! now... satan will keep trying to rob this back. oh, he doesn't like it when we're with God. and this is what is called the spiritual warfare. but you know what, we're already victorious. Jesus triumphed at the cross and greater is He who is in us that he who is in the world! this truth is so liberating, He took away all my doubts :))
and boy... God was there all the time. the tangible presence of the Lord was so strong in that place, no one wanted to leave, come the third day. but hey, we are equipped to be an influence in the world, not to seclude ourselves in the mountains, so up we went, hopped on the bus and back to civilization.
another thing i learned about myself, is God trusting us with different things and what He has trusted to me is different from other people. some receives visions and images of the glory of God. at times i was envious. but now i realise, i'm getting sensitive to God's heart. i am learning to share God's heart, God's emotion. i can tell when He's happy, when He's sad, at times when i'm really close to Him. and i hope that it will be everyday. now i don't ask for anything else but for His will be done in my life. there is no point of getting envious of other people. God works in a mysterious way, my human mind will not comprehend, so i surrender it into His hands.
one more thing! no one, no servant of God ever prophesied for me when they pray for me! four wintercamps. various events when we invite guest speakers and preachers. not once. guess i have to do it the hard way and ask God to tell me Himself... :s
i m so excited and i am so excited for FA. sorry FA peeps, i will share exactly the same thing again on friday :p thank you for reading. hope it is not too long. and hope it blesses you :)
xoxo
allie
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