hello! updates have been a tad sluggish lately due to the lack of internet in 1412. i have to climb 20 floors up (figuratively not literally) to gain access to the glorious world of internet. this forced abstinence from the virtual realm has greatly affected my social life. being devoid of any online interaction, i felt that my circle has shriveled to mere numbers of people who are still trapped here in beloved Melbourne for whatever reason. nevertheless, spending more time than usual with real flesh and blood of these select few, one way or another i get to appreciate more of the people God put around me.
with less people around, one seems to cherish other’s company more. each moments spent together, no matter how brief, becomes precious memories. each “thank you” that came out from one’s mouth sounds so much more sincere. each smile seems to convey deeper feelings than a thousand words of gratitude. each hug seems to have been infused with the warmth of genial love. maybe it’s what human beings crave for the most, each other’s presence, not just some intangible interaction on cyberspace. we are not meant to be alone.
friends are beyond doubt, God-given.
thank you.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
i am sorry
be happy with those who are happy.
be sad with those who are sad.
Romans 12:15 (New Life Version)
what came into your minds reading those Words? to be there for your friends, in joy or sadness? that may sounds like a wedding vow… yet, isn’t it the generic definition of being a true friend? if that is truly the case, i have failed many times.
lately, i feel like i have made so many people disappointed for my absence in many occasions. when people called me up, being so nice to ask me out since they know i am rather lonely-ish without my family who flew back already, i always had to disappoint by rejecting their kind invitations. when people actually came to visit and i had to leave for engagements with other parties. when a good friend were about to leave melbourne, for good, and i was always busy tending to my own matters, can’t even spare a quick visit to her place nor even lunch. have attempted to redeem myself, yes, but it wouldn’t be able to undo all my misdeeds, or rather my negligence.
i don’t know if it is my melancholy person playing up again, which have often been the case lately, since so many things have happened simultaneously during such a short period of time, hitting me like a truck being driven at full speed into a brick wall, the shock of the collision were such that it drove me into this semi-madness state. i don’t even know whether those people actually felt like what i assumed them to feel.
don’t worry i’m not crazy yet.
i send my deepest gratitude to the Lord Almighty for keeping me sane up to this point. i know He is here with me, through all my darkest self-created miseries, while i was wallowing in pointless lonesomeness.
God help me!
…
i want to stop thinking about Allie all the time. i want to think more about what i can do for others. for people around me. for my friends. yet there is no way to make everybody happy, is there? if there is, there won’t be any arguments in this world and there is no need for law, ethics, mannerism and all those bullshit people create, trying to govern this world with, where there is the ultimate manual book for life from God himself, called the Bible (just in case you don’t realise it :p). for example, the portion of the passage in Roman 12, from which i took the aforementioned Words, talks about how we should live in brotherly (and of course, sisterly) love, as believers. this should be how i live! so why all this letdowns?
This may sounds like a poorly reasoned self-defence, still, a person is a person. Unlike our omnipresence Lord, I can only be at one place at a time, no matter how many people requesting my audience. In such cases, I would inevitably be driven into making tough decisions, and being somewhat rational in comparison to an average female, plus being trained to possess evidence-based reasoning, I judge by situation and circumstances, weighing each pros and cons to determine how much one really needs my companion, while also considering what the Holy Spirit would say about that through my God given conscience (i better be!).
i promise i’ll be happy with those who are happy, and be sad with those who are sad.
it’s just i can’t be with everybody.
for those who felt forgotten: i am sorry. it has never been intentional.
God bless you.
be sad with those who are sad.
Romans 12:15 (New Life Version)
what came into your minds reading those Words? to be there for your friends, in joy or sadness? that may sounds like a wedding vow… yet, isn’t it the generic definition of being a true friend? if that is truly the case, i have failed many times.
lately, i feel like i have made so many people disappointed for my absence in many occasions. when people called me up, being so nice to ask me out since they know i am rather lonely-ish without my family who flew back already, i always had to disappoint by rejecting their kind invitations. when people actually came to visit and i had to leave for engagements with other parties. when a good friend were about to leave melbourne, for good, and i was always busy tending to my own matters, can’t even spare a quick visit to her place nor even lunch. have attempted to redeem myself, yes, but it wouldn’t be able to undo all my misdeeds, or rather my negligence.
i don’t know if it is my melancholy person playing up again, which have often been the case lately, since so many things have happened simultaneously during such a short period of time, hitting me like a truck being driven at full speed into a brick wall, the shock of the collision were such that it drove me into this semi-madness state. i don’t even know whether those people actually felt like what i assumed them to feel.
don’t worry i’m not crazy yet.
i send my deepest gratitude to the Lord Almighty for keeping me sane up to this point. i know He is here with me, through all my darkest self-created miseries, while i was wallowing in pointless lonesomeness.
God help me!
…
i want to stop thinking about Allie all the time. i want to think more about what i can do for others. for people around me. for my friends. yet there is no way to make everybody happy, is there? if there is, there won’t be any arguments in this world and there is no need for law, ethics, mannerism and all those bullshit people create, trying to govern this world with, where there is the ultimate manual book for life from God himself, called the Bible (just in case you don’t realise it :p). for example, the portion of the passage in Roman 12, from which i took the aforementioned Words, talks about how we should live in brotherly (and of course, sisterly) love, as believers. this should be how i live! so why all this letdowns?
This may sounds like a poorly reasoned self-defence, still, a person is a person. Unlike our omnipresence Lord, I can only be at one place at a time, no matter how many people requesting my audience. In such cases, I would inevitably be driven into making tough decisions, and being somewhat rational in comparison to an average female, plus being trained to possess evidence-based reasoning, I judge by situation and circumstances, weighing each pros and cons to determine how much one really needs my companion, while also considering what the Holy Spirit would say about that through my God given conscience (i better be!).
i promise i’ll be happy with those who are happy, and be sad with those who are sad.
it’s just i can’t be with everybody.
for those who felt forgotten: i am sorry. it has never been intentional.
God bless you.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
as we turn the page
13 now listen, you who say, “today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.”
14 why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. what is your life? you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
15 instead, you ought to say, “if it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.”
(James 4:13-15)
for those of you who paid attention to KD’s sermon few weeks ago or has followed www.allieandjc.blogspot.com faithfully might feel that this would be rather repetitive. however, it’s nearing the close of the year, people usually start to make reflections of how their life’s been for a whole annum and my melancholic side was itching to so the same. these mellow sentiments in my heart, in combination with recent incidents and circumstances inevitably led me back to think about this particular fragment of James. no words can be truer than this.
my sister had a friend, who recently passed away at the tender age of 20, of a rare disease uncommon to young people, lung cancer. she neither smoked nor drunk, she led a healthy lifestyle, and she was someone who was loved by many. but she was taken away in the prime of her youth. i wanted to cry when i read her blog. at one point i almost felt that God is unfair. then these words came back into my head. “why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. what is your life? you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”
a mist, our life is. short. and unpredictable. never, ever to be wasted. what have we done so far with our life?
as for me, life has reached an important milestone. i’m no longer a student, drowning in textbooks and lecture notes, but now i am officially eligible to the title Dr Tanoemarga. it still feels odd at times to have a new title attached but this would be what my patients call me next year so i better start getting used to it. enough intermezzos, where were we? oh, life. yeah, life’s been good to me so far. tough, but always good. i’m thankful that i have made it to this point while still keeping the faith and walking God’s path.
this year was, i would have to use the word: unbelievable! now i realize that all the dramas in the movie in fact can happen in real life. i had not expected my life would be turned upside down, inside out, around and around to an unimaginable extent. i was tested again and again, taught some harsh lessons, fell and rose again. and it was a worthwhile journey because everything that has happened shaped me into who i am now, and drew me closer to my JC. i am truly and utterly grateful for JC, who has been right beside me in all my woes as well as my delights. He alone deserves the utmost glorification beyond mere praise.
now, as me and everyone else is ready to turn a new leaf in our own books of life, this is usually the time to make new year resolutions. most will forget theirs after one or two months, some will make attempts to fulfil them, and less actually will succeed in doing so.
i haven’t made my resolutions yet, but i have plans for next year. i fact, i have so many things i wanna do, i can’t even choose which one to do first! however, i’ve learned my lesson, that is in whatever thing i do or i want to do, i will first put it into God’s hand. “if it is the Lord's will, [i] will live and do this or that.” i’ve tried walking without Him, and i failed miserably. once bitten, twice shy, so they say. i’m not that stupid to try again.
on the last eve of this year, instead of celebrating with lotsa bubbly toasts at old and new parties infused with misleading merriments, getting pissed and embarrassing yourselves in front of your friends (and maybe your boss!) for some dirty dancing on the table, plus making these kinds of resolutions…
“i will work harder get promoted next year!”
“i will study hard and get all HDs next year!”
“i will invest and profit heaps next year!”
“i will definitely get a girlfriend next year!”
…save yourselves from the humiliation, spend some time instead with our Lord and pray a little prayer that goes abit like this…
“Lord, i wanna walk my life with You and no matter what life hits me with, i am to surrender to Your will. teach me to say, let Your will be done and not mine. for life is short and i am not gonna waste it for anything that is not gonna bring me another inch closer to eternity. Amen. ”
14 why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. what is your life? you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
15 instead, you ought to say, “if it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.”
(James 4:13-15)
for those of you who paid attention to KD’s sermon few weeks ago or has followed www.allieandjc.blogspot.com faithfully might feel that this would be rather repetitive. however, it’s nearing the close of the year, people usually start to make reflections of how their life’s been for a whole annum and my melancholic side was itching to so the same. these mellow sentiments in my heart, in combination with recent incidents and circumstances inevitably led me back to think about this particular fragment of James. no words can be truer than this.
my sister had a friend, who recently passed away at the tender age of 20, of a rare disease uncommon to young people, lung cancer. she neither smoked nor drunk, she led a healthy lifestyle, and she was someone who was loved by many. but she was taken away in the prime of her youth. i wanted to cry when i read her blog. at one point i almost felt that God is unfair. then these words came back into my head. “why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. what is your life? you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”
a mist, our life is. short. and unpredictable. never, ever to be wasted. what have we done so far with our life?
as for me, life has reached an important milestone. i’m no longer a student, drowning in textbooks and lecture notes, but now i am officially eligible to the title Dr Tanoemarga. it still feels odd at times to have a new title attached but this would be what my patients call me next year so i better start getting used to it. enough intermezzos, where were we? oh, life. yeah, life’s been good to me so far. tough, but always good. i’m thankful that i have made it to this point while still keeping the faith and walking God’s path.
this year was, i would have to use the word: unbelievable! now i realize that all the dramas in the movie in fact can happen in real life. i had not expected my life would be turned upside down, inside out, around and around to an unimaginable extent. i was tested again and again, taught some harsh lessons, fell and rose again. and it was a worthwhile journey because everything that has happened shaped me into who i am now, and drew me closer to my JC. i am truly and utterly grateful for JC, who has been right beside me in all my woes as well as my delights. He alone deserves the utmost glorification beyond mere praise.
now, as me and everyone else is ready to turn a new leaf in our own books of life, this is usually the time to make new year resolutions. most will forget theirs after one or two months, some will make attempts to fulfil them, and less actually will succeed in doing so.
i haven’t made my resolutions yet, but i have plans for next year. i fact, i have so many things i wanna do, i can’t even choose which one to do first! however, i’ve learned my lesson, that is in whatever thing i do or i want to do, i will first put it into God’s hand. “if it is the Lord's will, [i] will live and do this or that.” i’ve tried walking without Him, and i failed miserably. once bitten, twice shy, so they say. i’m not that stupid to try again.
on the last eve of this year, instead of celebrating with lotsa bubbly toasts at old and new parties infused with misleading merriments, getting pissed and embarrassing yourselves in front of your friends (and maybe your boss!) for some dirty dancing on the table, plus making these kinds of resolutions…
“i will work harder get promoted next year!”
“i will study hard and get all HDs next year!”
“i will invest and profit heaps next year!”
“i will definitely get a girlfriend next year!”
…save yourselves from the humiliation, spend some time instead with our Lord and pray a little prayer that goes abit like this…
“Lord, i wanna walk my life with You and no matter what life hits me with, i am to surrender to Your will. teach me to say, let Your will be done and not mine. for life is short and i am not gonna waste it for anything that is not gonna bring me another inch closer to eternity. Amen. ”
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
into the amazon
when i found out that a friend had been put in a similar position to where i had to be before, i cant help feeling like i was looking at myself few short months ago. the same door which was opened now opens again. the path that leads from it is not easy, i should say. taxing, yes, and frightening. it is not unbearable since, hey, we have our Emmanuel, whom regrettably we often closed our eyes to when we’re faced with life’s giants, leaving Him ignored and sad of our foolish ignorance.
the offer was to be pulled out from our comfort zones and tossed into a completely unknown territory. and that was not all, a huge responsibility awaits at the bottom of the pit. i imagine it’s like being an average office boy suddenly cast into the Amazon and appointed leader of one tribe. i was frightened. i declined ungallantly. said that i was not ready.
i admit that there is a hint of regret for not stepping up to the challenge. many times i thought of where i would be now if i did go to my Amazon. am i still taking God’s path that has been laid down in front of me or did i miss any turn and now i’m astray in the jungle? i am still walking towards the same conclusion, that is Christ, yet this question still bothers me till this very moment: would i end up at the same destination if i was to make a different choice?
i know that the answer is ultimately “yes” since i am currently travelling in the direction of eternity, no matter which path i took. nonetheless, being the curious cat i cannot stop wondering.
oh well…
i shall stop wondering and start living.
living life to its fullest and make sure that i am still heading to the right direction.
perhaps... someday... if i am to face another Amazon, i will brave myself to answer the call and not hiding in my closet. not only to avoid further episodes of pondering and wondering, but also because now I know He will help me make it through :)
one particular pastor said these words once, “don’t wait until you’re ready, you will never do it.” I think it makes perfect sense if we’re to speak the language of God and see through His spectacles. we are made to do HIS good works, not our own works. that is why we will never be ready to do God’s work, if we keep relying on our own hands alone. that is why there is that awesome thing called miracle.
i wanna learn to take the plunge into the realm of the unknown, embark on the journey of faith. i missed one opportunity, i will not miss a second one.
that is just me though.
friend, whatever decision you make, He will always be with you. promise.
the offer was to be pulled out from our comfort zones and tossed into a completely unknown territory. and that was not all, a huge responsibility awaits at the bottom of the pit. i imagine it’s like being an average office boy suddenly cast into the Amazon and appointed leader of one tribe. i was frightened. i declined ungallantly. said that i was not ready.
i admit that there is a hint of regret for not stepping up to the challenge. many times i thought of where i would be now if i did go to my Amazon. am i still taking God’s path that has been laid down in front of me or did i miss any turn and now i’m astray in the jungle? i am still walking towards the same conclusion, that is Christ, yet this question still bothers me till this very moment: would i end up at the same destination if i was to make a different choice?
i know that the answer is ultimately “yes” since i am currently travelling in the direction of eternity, no matter which path i took. nonetheless, being the curious cat i cannot stop wondering.
oh well…
i shall stop wondering and start living.
living life to its fullest and make sure that i am still heading to the right direction.
perhaps... someday... if i am to face another Amazon, i will brave myself to answer the call and not hiding in my closet. not only to avoid further episodes of pondering and wondering, but also because now I know He will help me make it through :)
one particular pastor said these words once, “don’t wait until you’re ready, you will never do it.” I think it makes perfect sense if we’re to speak the language of God and see through His spectacles. we are made to do HIS good works, not our own works. that is why we will never be ready to do God’s work, if we keep relying on our own hands alone. that is why there is that awesome thing called miracle.
i wanna learn to take the plunge into the realm of the unknown, embark on the journey of faith. i missed one opportunity, i will not miss a second one.
that is just me though.
friend, whatever decision you make, He will always be with you. promise.
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