long-awaited weekend

i am tired.
miaw miaw miaw.

pitter patter

it rained for a bit in the afternoon. i did not even realized it until i stepped out of ISIS into damp pavement. the air has a whiff of wet soil which to me smells like life (refer to Stravinsky's Firebird Suite in Fantasia 2000 and you'll understand why). absorbed in my current literature adventure. six chapters into Dorian Gray and already i feel disturbed. fear, fear of the humankind, of how twisted and corrupt one's soul could be. another good train read.

it rained again not long after. made up my mind to stay home tonight, decided to get involved in the cardboard fiasco which must turn into a working model of some imaginary contraption sis has designed, by TOMORROW. will be burning candle on both ends.

off to 7/11. V awaits.

counting my blessings

i feel old.
bleh.
nyeh.

took a shower after the friday amazing with a bunch of slightly younger generation, listening to sis complaining (again) about her pedantic and domineering lecturer, feeling fresh and almost ready to bed. house is a total mess. dishes. cardboards. dirty laundry. unironed clothes. a distressed sister with the most ridiculous hairstyle you will never get to witness in any other circumstances. life's a bit of a messy one at the moment. tired. needing a massage. envy those brimbank ladies who presently are probably getting intoxicated and going feral, not of the booze, no, but the massage each and every one of them will have tomorrow morning. daylesford spa. hmmm.

tis not time to complain, eh?

...

it is time to be grateful.

for life, for being able to breathe with no difficulty at all, without even have to think about it. for health, for still being sustained under this much activities and pressure. for home, for the good night rest, for having a comfy bed and warm doonas to snuggle in. for family, for the sincere TLC and unconditional support. for friends, the chocolate chips in my cookie. for a wonderful full-time job, crazy yet nurturing colleagues and nurses. for a great night, for crossing paths with new friends. for all the people who have and will impact my life in one way or another. for my beloved family altar. for little matthew :) for the opportunity yet to witness more of His goodness.

the list goes on and on.
aren't we so loved?

*off to bed*

goodnight~
xoxo,

allie

eeew

ripped from MX, Friday May 15 2009. 1% of the surveyed population does not bother to brush their teeth. that is gross...

Casablanca (1942)

"here's looking at you, kid"

full version at imeem.

one of the better scents of life

i love the smell of newly cut grass. odd enough but i do. i walked pass a newly trimmed soccer field to work today and it smelled just glorious.

it's going to be a great day!

'tis time to be visually entertained

"Don't you know that love isn't just going to bed? Love isn't an act, it's a whole life. It's staying with her now because she needs you; it's knowing you and she will still care about each other when sex and daydreams, fights and futures -- when all that's on the shelf and done with. Love -- why, I'll tell you what love is: it's you at seventy-five and her at seventy-one, each of you listening for the other's step in the next room, each afraid that a sudden silence, a sudden cry, could mean a lifetime's talk is over."
— Brian Moore

fffound it 6 minutes ago.

here are some other ffffinds~





aren't they cute?

omg i just realized the snapshots collection which is suppose to be visual are all in the form of writing! unconscious reflection of the word-freak inside.

hope and faith

it's not just me. everyone has their own stresses and problems.
blessed night with loved companies.
thank you for sharing~

...

btw, some good among all this mess:
has officially become a permanent resident of Australia :)

so you know, i struggled

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

i have not been able to write these past few weeks. i was put off by the theme for the upcoming month articles: prayer. "great..." sighed little me. my least favourite subject in God's little school of faith. the more i tried to think of something, the emptier my head gets. so, on the due date, i ended up facing a blank document and a huge cloud of disappointment that hung above my head for weeks. i felt dumb, numb, and rather upset with myself for not having a strong enough prayer life to produce something out of it which will encourage and bless other people, yet did nothing about it.

...until i came to understand what Hebrews 4:16 means.

it's like putting together pieces of jigsaw puzzle - random observations and thoughts that scattered throughout my minutes, hours, days, weeks - into a complete comprehension.

Let us then approach...

we prayed. we prayed. we prayed. and we prayed. and we kept praying while God never once replied audibly, or at least, present Himself tangibly? suddenly with all the nothingness that happened, the activity felt tedious. only when thing happens out of the ordinary, we get excited and said "God was here".

the bane of pentecostal church. we are a fool to think that the presence of God is limited to the manifested version we often pursue so fervently we forget our initial intention to seek Him. it is not the intense emotion or the shivers down your spine. God is omnipresent. all He asks is for us to come with faith and that is when we will find Him.

then one will say, "i know i must come to God, but i've sinned too much and my faith is so small i am embarrassed to come with just these. maybe i should just hide myself in that corner and disappear. i must have been such an eyesore and with what i have, there is no way i have the confidence to even edge an inch closer."

this is a crude representation of what most of us would have felt at a certain point of time, during that deepest dip in our valleys of death. often we are afraid to come to the Lord. we fear that we are too dirty, too unworthy to be accepted in His Holiness. but i learned this liberating fact that JC washed all my sins away on Calvary and there is no more condemnation in Him. the veil has been torn and He made it possible for us to be reconciled with our heavenly Father. through Him and Him alone.

hence, maybe we have low self-esteem, does not matter much as long as we have high-Christ esteem. (PCT, 2009) :D

so, why do we approach this magnificent throne of grace? obviously, to receive mercy and find grace. thus the name, isn't it? :)

here, i have some bits to share. i hate being repetitious but i can't help it this time. you never know what you have until you lose it. i have been sick for the past two weeks, falling in and out of an inconsistent bout of flu, exhibiting various symptoms each time: severe headache two sundays ago, that extended into a sickie on the following monday, felt better, back to the drills and grumpy patients, then started sneezing nonstop during the whole friday afternoon, my patients might have thought their dentist had the swine flu, they rushed out of the surgery as soon as we're finished. i was naughty and stayed up late on the weekends, resulting in a bad sorethroat and, literally, saturday night [in bed with] fever. those two weeks, i skipped three prayer meetings.

i used to pride myself in being consistent. when i put myself to do something, i do it wholeheartedly, seriously and consistently, which principle is also applicable to my Christian life. i never want to do anything out of a burden, so when i commit myself to one particular responsibility, i make sure this is what i want to do and i will see it through to the end. i never missed prayer meetings in a row until last week. at first i felt bad, then i felt down, then i felt nothing. praying became difficult for apparent reasons i know yet i did not want to admit.

wednesday evening, i decided "this has to stop". gathered every ounce of whatever courage left, i knelt down with resolve and simply prayed, "God help me", and did, He help me. mercy and grace flowed down and i found Him. and boy, i missed Him! it's an old flame rekindled, burns brighter than ever. i lost the joy of His fellowship. thus, when it was found, it became clearer that it is the most beautiful thing in the world. never again i am letting go.

seek and you will find.
seek Him and you will find Him.

love, allie~

bill john tan

in melbie!