Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
rustic beauty?
you do find beauty in weird places.
for example, i find train yards fascinating.
my 7.52 sydenham passes one every morning, the tottenham yard. usually i fell into some sort of semi-asleep semi-conscious state during morning rides (as well as in the arvo after a whole day of labour) therefore does not notice much of the silent slideshow of sceneries on the carriage window (comprised of mostly industrial buildings, which are boring in general). but one winter morning; one of those days when you came out of the house, you walk into a heavy fog and see nothing much ahead you feel like you live in a fantasy cloud country some thousand meters above the ground; i saw the most stunning view on that normally dull window pane. train yard in a sea of mist. rusty cargo carriages, with peeling coat of paint, artfully yet inappropriately tainted with graffities, lined up in layers, covered by thin fog that gets thicker and thicker and thicker the further you look, until you can see nothing but blurry whiteness. there's this sense of desertion and it gave out an eerie vibe, absolutely stunning in a Tim Burton way (i hope you get what i mean).
and since then i dreamed of capturing such view.
next winter maybe? there's no more fog now.
for example, i find train yards fascinating.
my 7.52 sydenham passes one every morning, the tottenham yard. usually i fell into some sort of semi-asleep semi-conscious state during morning rides (as well as in the arvo after a whole day of labour) therefore does not notice much of the silent slideshow of sceneries on the carriage window (comprised of mostly industrial buildings, which are boring in general). but one winter morning; one of those days when you came out of the house, you walk into a heavy fog and see nothing much ahead you feel like you live in a fantasy cloud country some thousand meters above the ground; i saw the most stunning view on that normally dull window pane. train yard in a sea of mist. rusty cargo carriages, with peeling coat of paint, artfully yet inappropriately tainted with graffities, lined up in layers, covered by thin fog that gets thicker and thicker and thicker the further you look, until you can see nothing but blurry whiteness. there's this sense of desertion and it gave out an eerie vibe, absolutely stunning in a Tim Burton way (i hope you get what i mean).
and since then i dreamed of capturing such view.
next winter maybe? there's no more fog now.
Monday, July 27, 2009
all by grace
today started off as a regular monday, slow. most of you know how it feels to start work again on monday after a weekend that always feels too short. had a sook patient, otherwise the day went well. somehow i felt so tired, maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the exhaustion from the past three days, i was so drained till i planned to "fall asleep" in the prayer tower (yes, my mind is a dangerous thing full of such naughty thoughts).
yet, as usual, the more tired i am before every prayer tower, the more blessed i feel, the more refreshed i am.
and i was really blessed by Ko Albert's sharing. the Word was from Matthew 25:14-30, the parable of the servants that were trusted varying amount of talents by their Master. a very familiar story. the question that gave a fresh perspective to it is this:
is there joy in your serving the Lord?
crudely put...
do you feel happy doing all this voluntary charity work that sometimes drain more of your energy than your real-life full-time job?
i thank God, i still do :)
i love working my ass off for the Lord just because i love Him.
and it's all by grace.
"but by the grace of God i am what i am,
and His grace to me was not without effect.
no - i worked harder than all of them,
yet not i, but the grace of God that was with me"
(the verse i live by~)
goodnight Godbless
xoxo
allie~
yet, as usual, the more tired i am before every prayer tower, the more blessed i feel, the more refreshed i am.
and i was really blessed by Ko Albert's sharing. the Word was from Matthew 25:14-30, the parable of the servants that were trusted varying amount of talents by their Master. a very familiar story. the question that gave a fresh perspective to it is this:
is there joy in your serving the Lord?
crudely put...
do you feel happy doing all this voluntary charity work that sometimes drain more of your energy than your real-life full-time job?
i thank God, i still do :)
i love working my ass off for the Lord just because i love Him.
and it's all by grace.
"but by the grace of God i am what i am,
and His grace to me was not without effect.
no - i worked harder than all of them,
yet not i, but the grace of God that was with me"
(the verse i live by~)
goodnight Godbless
xoxo
allie~
Saturday, July 25, 2009
this is your house (7)
i've no energy to write a proper post nor even to think about it.
anyways, we're finally home.
anyways, we're finally home.
Friday, July 24, 2009
this is your house (6)
home is where the heart is.
we are pilgrims in this world, homebound.
heaven bound.
live responsibly, so that one day when that time comes, He will say, "well done, my child, welcome home, this is your house"
p.s. i apologize for the lack of length and depth of this post. will fix it once this weekend pass.
we are pilgrims in this world, homebound.
heaven bound.
live responsibly, so that one day when that time comes, He will say, "well done, my child, welcome home, this is your house"
p.s. i apologize for the lack of length and depth of this post. will fix it once this weekend pass.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
this is Your house (5)
today we are revisiting an old topic.
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?
(1 Corinthians 6:19a)
it's quite self explanatory. when we believe and receive our salvation, we receive JC into our life, and we will be baptized with the Holy Spirit, who dwells in us and becomes our helper throughout our life in this world. thus, in that sense, we are the "housing" of the Holy Spirit, which essentially is part of God Trinity, the Lord Himself. therefore, when we say "this is Your house", it could also mean we give ourself for the Lord to live in.
when God is in us, He works through us, as long as we keep learning to surrender our will, our skills, our everything to Him. we will call ourselves God-fueled people, for He is the sole source of our strength.
this interpretation spoke the strongest to me, i feel like this is what He really wants me to learn. learn to surrender, learn to be humble, and learn to be dependent on Him. learn to be sensitive, learn to listen to the Holy Spirit within, learn to live lead by the Spirit. often the Holy Spirit got shunned away, and since He is a gentle spirit and i am a bull-headed person, i always win the tug-o-war between His will and my stubborness.
when i finally realised that all this while i have put God aside most of the time, this story came into my mind, and wow, it really scared the shit out of me.
"When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation."
(Matthew 12:43-45)
hypothetically speaking, this is not impossible to happen to anyone of us, so, i thought, how if i grieved the Holy Spirit and God really left me and my heart now is just an empty house, unoccupied and ready to receive a new tenant, or worse, seven new tenants? noooooooooo!!! the consequences are severe! and it's just gross imagining not only one but seven yucky evil spirit inside of me! i don't want to be like that and i believe neither do you.
anyway, we know what to do...
it's not too late to invite God in, He loves us and he is waiting for people who is willing to say:
"Lord, come in, for this is Your house"
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?
(1 Corinthians 6:19a)
it's quite self explanatory. when we believe and receive our salvation, we receive JC into our life, and we will be baptized with the Holy Spirit, who dwells in us and becomes our helper throughout our life in this world. thus, in that sense, we are the "housing" of the Holy Spirit, which essentially is part of God Trinity, the Lord Himself. therefore, when we say "this is Your house", it could also mean we give ourself for the Lord to live in.
when God is in us, He works through us, as long as we keep learning to surrender our will, our skills, our everything to Him. we will call ourselves God-fueled people, for He is the sole source of our strength.
this interpretation spoke the strongest to me, i feel like this is what He really wants me to learn. learn to surrender, learn to be humble, and learn to be dependent on Him. learn to be sensitive, learn to listen to the Holy Spirit within, learn to live lead by the Spirit. often the Holy Spirit got shunned away, and since He is a gentle spirit and i am a bull-headed person, i always win the tug-o-war between His will and my stubborness.
when i finally realised that all this while i have put God aside most of the time, this story came into my mind, and wow, it really scared the shit out of me.
"When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation."
(Matthew 12:43-45)
hypothetically speaking, this is not impossible to happen to anyone of us, so, i thought, how if i grieved the Holy Spirit and God really left me and my heart now is just an empty house, unoccupied and ready to receive a new tenant, or worse, seven new tenants? noooooooooo!!! the consequences are severe! and it's just gross imagining not only one but seven yucky evil spirit inside of me! i don't want to be like that and i believe neither do you.
anyway, we know what to do...
it's not too late to invite God in, He loves us and he is waiting for people who is willing to say:
"Lord, come in, for this is Your house"
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
this is your house (4)
i must warn you that this post will be rather personal. it won't be as biblical or as technical as the previous ones, more mortal thoughts than a study of the Word. i made the draft on my bed last night, intended it to fit the series as i planned it to be, but as i jotted down more and more words, i poured more and more of myself into this, it became rather emotional, especially when i looked back to my beginning 5 years ago. now i'm transferring it into the digital world, with a hope it will be a blessing.
ask yourself this question:
do you consider your church your home?
why or why not?
my answer would be yes. maybe it has something to do with being overseas, being without my family for seven years. being far from my original home, i yearn for a family-like community therefore it was definitely easier for me to relate to my church as one.
i joined carlton 1 in 2004, when a friend (who sadly left the cell group not long after i became a regular) invited me to come that one particular night. maybe it was some sort of escape at the beginning. sis was still back in indo enjoying the ridiculously fun high school days while i struggled here by myself, gotten lonely, didn't do much beside uni, so, rather than having nothing to do on friday nights, why not?
it changed me into who i am now. i fell in love with God, and with this church. this is the place i planted my feet on, the place i received all the teachings, the fellowship and the love i needed, the place i grew as a part of God's community. i came to love this place God put me in 5 years ago, from all the blessings i've received to all the clashes, disputes, struggles and disappointments. it was not always easy. let's be real, there is no such thing as a perfect church. sometimes people disappoints, sometimes i got disappointed at myself. but one thing for sure, God never does.
remember, you are the church. the church is not the building, it is the people. you, makes the church as a whole, as one, united. there is the need to have a sense of belonging as a church. for a tree to grow, it needs to be nurtured; for a church to grow, the people need to care.
this has been said repeatedly by a lot of people, let me just reiterate it. i think this is very important. do not be butterfly christians. why would you do church-hopping? it might entertain, but it will do no good to your growth. it's like putting a seed or maybe even a sapling in a patch of soil, then move it to another site the following day, and then move it again and again and again. do you think it will grow? no, it will die.
a church is not merely a building you visit for 2 hours every sunday, it is your home.
this is your house.
ask yourself this question:
do you consider your church your home?
why or why not?
my answer would be yes. maybe it has something to do with being overseas, being without my family for seven years. being far from my original home, i yearn for a family-like community therefore it was definitely easier for me to relate to my church as one.
i joined carlton 1 in 2004, when a friend (who sadly left the cell group not long after i became a regular) invited me to come that one particular night. maybe it was some sort of escape at the beginning. sis was still back in indo enjoying the ridiculously fun high school days while i struggled here by myself, gotten lonely, didn't do much beside uni, so, rather than having nothing to do on friday nights, why not?
it changed me into who i am now. i fell in love with God, and with this church. this is the place i planted my feet on, the place i received all the teachings, the fellowship and the love i needed, the place i grew as a part of God's community. i came to love this place God put me in 5 years ago, from all the blessings i've received to all the clashes, disputes, struggles and disappointments. it was not always easy. let's be real, there is no such thing as a perfect church. sometimes people disappoints, sometimes i got disappointed at myself. but one thing for sure, God never does.
remember, you are the church. the church is not the building, it is the people. you, makes the church as a whole, as one, united. there is the need to have a sense of belonging as a church. for a tree to grow, it needs to be nurtured; for a church to grow, the people need to care.
this has been said repeatedly by a lot of people, let me just reiterate it. i think this is very important. do not be butterfly christians. why would you do church-hopping? it might entertain, but it will do no good to your growth. it's like putting a seed or maybe even a sapling in a patch of soil, then move it to another site the following day, and then move it again and again and again. do you think it will grow? no, it will die.
a church is not merely a building you visit for 2 hours every sunday, it is your home.
this is your house.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
this is your house (3)
"But will God really dwell on earth with men? The heavens, even the highest heaven cannot contain You. How much less this temple I have built!
as i wrote yesterday, nothing can contain God. King Solomon knew that, thus instead of asking God to stay in the brand new luxury manor he just built then, he dedicated it to Him. and if we read in 2 Chronicles 6, his prayer went pretty much like this:
Yet give attention to Your servant's prayer and his plea for mercy, O Lord my God. Hear the cry and the prayer that your servant is praying in Your presence.
May Your eyes be open towards this temple day and night, this place of which You said You would put Your Name there. May You hear the prayer your servant prays toward this place."
(2 Chronicles 6:18-20)
the first thing i noticed from this passage was the striking resemblance between Solomon's vision for the temple He just built with the vision of our beloved BIC. both were meant to be a house of prayer. we know far too much about prayer than what we actually practice. borrowing Ci Irene's word, prayer is the breath of life for us Christians, without it, we die. enough said about prayer, let's go back to the phrase in question. we are to be not just a house of prayer, but a house of prayer for all nations. now... what does that mean?
as i penned down more drafts in my notebook on 7.52 sydenham this morning, i can't help but doubting myself. i know it would be a process, a long one it is, where God moulds and shapes each one of us into His likeness. looking at the current me, God, You have a lot work to do. i am a selfish brat, i have to admit that. there is no way you haven't heard about the recent Jakarta bombings. my homecountry was wounded in such a way and i felt... nothing. trapped in the convenience of living overseas made me forgot my roots. until i read this and i finally felt grief, both because of the incident and the realisation that i have never have the heart to even pray for my country. this is who i really am.
not even having a heart for my own country, how can i have the heart for all nations? it is difficult, isn't it, for us to escape from arrogance and self-righteousness, which eventually brings about exclusivity, us feeling so high and mighty and much better than the unrepented sinners out there.
when this condescending attitude creeps in, that is when we close our doors for nations.
i pray for continual shaping of the soul, for humility and the ability not only to acknowledge God's goodness and grace but to share through our lives. i pray for open hearts and open hands in this church, to accept and to care for others, to truly be a house of prayer for all nations.
this church will be where the lost and the lonely bring their burdens and their cares~
this is your house.
as i wrote yesterday, nothing can contain God. King Solomon knew that, thus instead of asking God to stay in the brand new luxury manor he just built then, he dedicated it to Him. and if we read in 2 Chronicles 6, his prayer went pretty much like this:
Yet give attention to Your servant's prayer and his plea for mercy, O Lord my God. Hear the cry and the prayer that your servant is praying in Your presence.
May Your eyes be open towards this temple day and night, this place of which You said You would put Your Name there. May You hear the prayer your servant prays toward this place."
(2 Chronicles 6:18-20)
the first thing i noticed from this passage was the striking resemblance between Solomon's vision for the temple He just built with the vision of our beloved BIC. both were meant to be a house of prayer. we know far too much about prayer than what we actually practice. borrowing Ci Irene's word, prayer is the breath of life for us Christians, without it, we die. enough said about prayer, let's go back to the phrase in question. we are to be not just a house of prayer, but a house of prayer for all nations. now... what does that mean?
as i penned down more drafts in my notebook on 7.52 sydenham this morning, i can't help but doubting myself. i know it would be a process, a long one it is, where God moulds and shapes each one of us into His likeness. looking at the current me, God, You have a lot work to do. i am a selfish brat, i have to admit that. there is no way you haven't heard about the recent Jakarta bombings. my homecountry was wounded in such a way and i felt... nothing. trapped in the convenience of living overseas made me forgot my roots. until i read this and i finally felt grief, both because of the incident and the realisation that i have never have the heart to even pray for my country. this is who i really am.
not even having a heart for my own country, how can i have the heart for all nations? it is difficult, isn't it, for us to escape from arrogance and self-righteousness, which eventually brings about exclusivity, us feeling so high and mighty and much better than the unrepented sinners out there.
when this condescending attitude creeps in, that is when we close our doors for nations.
i pray for continual shaping of the soul, for humility and the ability not only to acknowledge God's goodness and grace but to share through our lives. i pray for open hearts and open hands in this church, to accept and to care for others, to truly be a house of prayer for all nations.
this church will be where the lost and the lonely bring their burdens and their cares~
this is your house.
Monday, July 20, 2009
this is Your house (2)
We dedicate this temple to You Lord
Let Your glory fill this sanctuary
Be enthroned on the praises of Your people
Lord we agree, in unity.
This is Your house, Father come and dwell
This is Your house, a holy house of prayer
Where the lost and the lonely, bring their burdens and their cares
This is Your house, this is Your house, come and dwell.
Holy Spirit overflow this place
Decorate our walls with grace and mercy
Let healing and redemption, find searching souls
Lord have Your way, we humbly pray.
This is Your house, Father come and dwell
This is Your house, a holy house of prayer
Where the lost and the lonely, bring their burdens and their cares
This is Your house, this is Your house, come and dwell.
...
i have a lot of thoughts lately on this phrase, and God brought me from meanings to meanings during my moments of pondering. what comes into mind when one says, "This is your house"? this first post of this promised series is not actually the first thing God revealed few nights ago but then again what would be a better place to start than the song itself?
honestly, asking God to actually come and dwell in a place sounds a bit silly to me. God is omnipresent and is never limited to time nor space, yet we always pray and ask Him to "come and dwell", or "come and fill this place", when as a matter of fact He is already present with us. the Holy Spirit is within us the moment we invited Him in, and also, didn't He promised us Himself this?
"For where two or three come together in My Name, there am I with them"
(Matthew 18:20)
I believe He is even here in my crammy little mess of an apartment as i am typing this down at the very moment. KD said the other day how he was enlightened of this very matter of the omnipresence of God and there is no such thing really as entering His presence, which ironically we always sing about. yet another contradiction i failed to understand and chose to simply believe in.
if you ask me why sometimes the presence of the Lord feels like some kind of electrocution (often makes you shake :p), grand and overwhelming all possible senses, being me, i say, isn't it up to God? it's His sovereignty. that description fits more as the exhibition of God's glory just like when it came down to the temple Solomon built, where priests could not perform their tasks, Israelites knelt with their faces to the ground, could do nothing but worshipping and praising the Lord (2 Chronicles 7:1-3). and i daresay even such glory is probably only equivalent to God throwing a wink at us. imagine the full extent of such glory! unimaginable, isn't it?
anyway, if that is the case, why are we singing this song? what's the point asking if God's already here?
personally... i think it is more about the dedication, surrendering whatever it is we have, in this case, the temple aka our church building, to God. it's the same concept with child dedication, just like Hannah dedicated Samuel to God (thank you Kak Iwan for sharing this~). it is putting things into God's hand, for Him to use whichever way He likes, trusting Him, believing that He knows best what to do with it. otherwise our shiny new building will not be much different from other architecture, mere bricks and plaster and tiles. no God. no purpose. no life.
therefore, with God indwelling in the church (both literally and metaphorically), when amazing things happens, we know and people will see that it is God, not us, who made it happen. because it is His temple. it is His house. it is His.
Let Your glory fill this sanctuary~
Lord, this is Your house.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
this is your house (1)
sunday night, another weekend has turned into another brick in the memory lane. i hope the coming week pass by as quickly since we're finally coming back to ballantyne. nothing else excites me more in the past few weeks than this homecoming. the anticipation itself can get you high and excited for no reason. all the preparations felt kinda rushed, probably because we just can't wait to go back home. the choir practices were somehow pressurising, considering we daringly chose Handel's Hallelujah Chorus with only 2 months of weekly practice (madness!!). yet at the same time it has been so enjoyable, knowing everyone put all their best effort and heart into those grueling, vocally straining practice sessions. all by grace, isn't it? :p
two years of pilgrimage around melbourne CBD is finally going to end on saturday :D
therefore, my mini project for this occasion: i will post a daily series of my thoughts and feeling on this post's title phrase, which is also the very title of another song we're gonna sing at the church dedication.
This is Your House.
keep tuning in~
xoxo, allie
two years of pilgrimage around melbourne CBD is finally going to end on saturday :D
therefore, my mini project for this occasion: i will post a daily series of my thoughts and feeling on this post's title phrase, which is also the very title of another song we're gonna sing at the church dedication.
This is Your House.
keep tuning in~
xoxo, allie
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
silence is golden
sorethroat can be a bliss when God speaks and in the silence you listen.
we often talk too much and don't listen. i do.
we often talk too much and don't listen. i do.
Monday, July 13, 2009
...
today is the day of silence... not.
i have to work and thus the recovery of my vocal chords will have to be further delayed. oh joy, welcome sexy voice~
...
it wasn't a bad day at all. not many patients in the arvo, spending it with my nurse lisa and claire who was telling stories about this burlesque bar in the city. i didn't even know such place exists but at least i know how to spell it heehee~ it sounded like one of the places nienie might be interested in.
lovely day~~
not really if you look at the grey sky and listen to my still-hoarse-voice.
but nevertheless, lovely~
i have to work and thus the recovery of my vocal chords will have to be further delayed. oh joy, welcome sexy voice~
...
it wasn't a bad day at all. not many patients in the arvo, spending it with my nurse lisa and claire who was telling stories about this burlesque bar in the city. i didn't even know such place exists but at least i know how to spell it heehee~ it sounded like one of the places nienie might be interested in.
lovely day~~
not really if you look at the grey sky and listen to my still-hoarse-voice.
but nevertheless, lovely~
Thursday, July 9, 2009
quotebook
"Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling."
- Margaret B. Runbeck -
- Margaret B. Runbeck -
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
speak English or die
a bit harsh? i came across this phrase a while ago on a stranger’s tee at lookbook.nu and i found it real catchy. it’s cruel, intolerant and egocentric yet i sort of think there’s some truth in it, provided that you have been living in an English speaking country for seven years, like me. Aussie, and Melbourne CBD in particular, comprises of probably dozens or even hundreds of various nationalities, and of course a proportionally equally extensive amount of different languages. whether they are studying, working, surviving or merely existing in this gigantic melting pot, you would expect one who has lived for several good years overseas will have picked up the previously alien tongue by then, yet sadly it has not been the fact, at least in my community of origin which i know best: indos.
i have met hundreds and hundreds of indonesian in my years here, some have stayed longer than me, some shorter, however not many are good or fluent or confident with their English. the innocent me many years ago (before i actually stepped my foot down under) had always thought that whoever goes overseas to study must have good English by the time they’re done with their uni/college/whatever. no, allie, no! the general trend is medok-ness, stuttered conversations and messed up grammar being more prevalent than fluency. (medok = having a strong Javanese accent).
and i don’t really need to wonder why that is the case, now that i have experienced it for myself.
we indos, just like every other ethnic group, have a very tightly knit community. there is a considerable proportion of indonesian students in almost every course in every university in Melbourne (with a few exceptions like dentistry, of course). we have a strong tendency to cluster and befriend people of the same background. most indos i know hang out with other indos at uni as well as outside uni. thus, no wonder we suck at English coz we were never truly exposed to it. we listen, we understand yet we never grasp the beauty and the culture of the English language itself.
i considered myself fortunate not to have any other indo friend at uni beside the lovely Nelly, who was not even in the same group with me, resulting in me forcing myself to speak English all the time, which eventually did me good, having actually improved my pronunciation, vocabulary, fluency and my knowledge of Aussie slangs. i still have my accent, which is part of who i am. afterall, it's not about sounding like an Aussie, it's about embracing the unfamiliar.
it was not comfortable at first. it was scary and intimidating, but you know what? sometimes the anticipation is much worse than the real thing. after a while, it was not too bad at all. and i fell in love with the English language.
this exclusiveness and complacency is mainly because we are often scared of stepping out of our comfort zone, hence we ended up living in a bubble and stay the same until we die. what a waste! there is a great world of opportunity out there if only we burst the bubble open and take a walk. we learn new things, we grow, we become better and wiser each day. it hurts sometimes, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, eh?
it got me thinking... walking with God is a similar experience. at times God calls us to come out and take a walk with Him but we are too scared of what is out there, we said “no, thank you, i’m alright here.” how silly of us!
don't you know God never asks us to do something He knows we cannot handle and all the while we were walking He would be by our side to catch us when we slip and fall?
step out, friend.
and, mate, speak English, it's Oz.
i have met hundreds and hundreds of indonesian in my years here, some have stayed longer than me, some shorter, however not many are good or fluent or confident with their English. the innocent me many years ago (before i actually stepped my foot down under) had always thought that whoever goes overseas to study must have good English by the time they’re done with their uni/college/whatever. no, allie, no! the general trend is medok-ness, stuttered conversations and messed up grammar being more prevalent than fluency. (medok = having a strong Javanese accent).
and i don’t really need to wonder why that is the case, now that i have experienced it for myself.
we indos, just like every other ethnic group, have a very tightly knit community. there is a considerable proportion of indonesian students in almost every course in every university in Melbourne (with a few exceptions like dentistry, of course). we have a strong tendency to cluster and befriend people of the same background. most indos i know hang out with other indos at uni as well as outside uni. thus, no wonder we suck at English coz we were never truly exposed to it. we listen, we understand yet we never grasp the beauty and the culture of the English language itself.
i considered myself fortunate not to have any other indo friend at uni beside the lovely Nelly, who was not even in the same group with me, resulting in me forcing myself to speak English all the time, which eventually did me good, having actually improved my pronunciation, vocabulary, fluency and my knowledge of Aussie slangs. i still have my accent, which is part of who i am. afterall, it's not about sounding like an Aussie, it's about embracing the unfamiliar.
it was not comfortable at first. it was scary and intimidating, but you know what? sometimes the anticipation is much worse than the real thing. after a while, it was not too bad at all. and i fell in love with the English language.
this exclusiveness and complacency is mainly because we are often scared of stepping out of our comfort zone, hence we ended up living in a bubble and stay the same until we die. what a waste! there is a great world of opportunity out there if only we burst the bubble open and take a walk. we learn new things, we grow, we become better and wiser each day. it hurts sometimes, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, eh?
it got me thinking... walking with God is a similar experience. at times God calls us to come out and take a walk with Him but we are too scared of what is out there, we said “no, thank you, i’m alright here.” how silly of us!
don't you know God never asks us to do something He knows we cannot handle and all the while we were walking He would be by our side to catch us when we slip and fall?
step out, friend.
and, mate, speak English, it's Oz.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
the living water
hey, just got back from winter camp, touched. and learned so much. and as always, He knows best what everyone of us needs at the very moment, and i am no exception to that fact.
i came to this camp, with a great expectation, coz i know i need Him desperately at this point of life. if you log back about a week ago, i blatantly wrote i was not too happy, for a lot of different reasons. i was holding far too many buckets, thinking that those will quench my thirst, those will satisfy. but did they?
no.
things still just won’t feel right.
i felt too busy, i started to grumble.
being a part of the committee, i have so many other things to prepare and worry about than whether i have packed enough change socks and ensuring i have my toothbrush with me. most of the time during the sessions, i practically sat at the corner with the sound system boys, being the only translator who’s actually gone to the camp. there were actually two more in the committee who would be able to share the load but they were unable to leave work to attend :( thank God, some beautiful souls offered their help and guys, you know who you are, i sincerely thank you.
that’s not all. praise and worship resources in this year’s camp is rather limited, too, so the choir members were promoted to singers and some singers tasted their first worship leading experience in the past 3 days :) all available resources were being made full use of to their best potential. okay, so that’s 2 sessions of vocal gymnastic for me, as if i have not exerted my vocal chord enough repeating all the preachers’ words.
ah, but there’s more! first aid. well, i am not really a medic, i’m a dentist in real life, but i am the only other person beside the equally busy miss Lois who has the first aid cert. so there we were, running back and forth from dining hall/function room, visiting our patient, sending food, paracetamol and prayers straight to the room.
honestly, imo everyone in the committee is in the same boat. everyone works real hard, stretched to our limits, and yet we also want something from the Lord. i still remember Devina’s message in our last meeting, that we should not overworked ourselves to the point we cannot enjoy God. things might not run smoothly, just let it go and let God works. i left for the camp with that spirit in my heart. i want you, Lord!
as for what God revealed in the camp, it will take a book to jot down all God’s goodness into words during these mere 3 days, so i’ll go straight to the feast.
the feast?
yes, God’s feast in the second night. as how it normally goes in a bible camp, the second night is the loudest and the commonly accepted as the climax of the camp (although i personally believe God does not work according to our schedule like that). after the sermon, Ps Frengky told us what God put in his heart. God will make a feast, where we will be drunk in the Spirit (whoa, so Holy Spirit makes you drunk too, not just spirits like gin and bourbon)
"wow, that sounds so cool", i thought, "okay, i want to see your work, Lord", and quietly, in my heart i said, "Lord, i want to know how it feels to experience holy laughter", very quietly in a manner of a child requesting something dotingly to her parent. i purposedly fell down to my knees and started to worship, then it comes, both at once, the laughter and the tears. whoa! isn't He good? i made a selfish request and He gave it to me! now that i am conscious enough to think about it, i think that is what He wanted me to understand. if you want to be happy, delight yourself in Me, for I will give you true joy. i couldn’t stop laughing, all the while tears streaming down from my eyes. must have looked like i’ve gone insane then coz i noticed the people at the band side of the room started to look at me with “that” look.
then, everyone else started to manifest as well. laughter, weeping, screams, dances and exclamations of adorations filled the room. i’ve never seen anything like that but i can tell by the look of it that it was not a simple fulfilment of the Spirit. it literally resembled a feast!
however, let’s not focus on the laughing and crying part. as the pastor said repeatedly in this camp, how he learned over the years that the manifestations are not the main point, the most important thing is our decision in front of the Lord to change. how the experience with God can be life changing.
mr neighbour asked me afterwards how i feel when i had my fits of laughter. i said, well, it’s physically tiring, my stomach and jaw felt like cramping, but inside, i felt that spring of living water really welled up. i felt joy. i felt peace. and i felt love, a love so great i can’t help going to people and pray for them simply saying God loves you. at that point i felt "this is it, why can't i feel this all the time...?" as i write this down, i don’t feel the overwhelming emotions anymore yet i remember that feeling, that little dip into heaven. i will hold it dear in my heart, that is the taste of how much God loves me. now you know, allie, don’t you dare forget this!
i’ve forgotten about my buckets, i’ve forgotten how i could get so unhappy that now i know the source of that peace and joy is within me.
delight yourself in the LORD
and He will give you the desires of your heart.
- Psalm 37:4 -
i came to this camp, with a great expectation, coz i know i need Him desperately at this point of life. if you log back about a week ago, i blatantly wrote i was not too happy, for a lot of different reasons. i was holding far too many buckets, thinking that those will quench my thirst, those will satisfy. but did they?
no.
things still just won’t feel right.
i felt too busy, i started to grumble.
being a part of the committee, i have so many other things to prepare and worry about than whether i have packed enough change socks and ensuring i have my toothbrush with me. most of the time during the sessions, i practically sat at the corner with the sound system boys, being the only translator who’s actually gone to the camp. there were actually two more in the committee who would be able to share the load but they were unable to leave work to attend :( thank God, some beautiful souls offered their help and guys, you know who you are, i sincerely thank you.
that’s not all. praise and worship resources in this year’s camp is rather limited, too, so the choir members were promoted to singers and some singers tasted their first worship leading experience in the past 3 days :) all available resources were being made full use of to their best potential. okay, so that’s 2 sessions of vocal gymnastic for me, as if i have not exerted my vocal chord enough repeating all the preachers’ words.
ah, but there’s more! first aid. well, i am not really a medic, i’m a dentist in real life, but i am the only other person beside the equally busy miss Lois who has the first aid cert. so there we were, running back and forth from dining hall/function room, visiting our patient, sending food, paracetamol and prayers straight to the room.
honestly, imo everyone in the committee is in the same boat. everyone works real hard, stretched to our limits, and yet we also want something from the Lord. i still remember Devina’s message in our last meeting, that we should not overworked ourselves to the point we cannot enjoy God. things might not run smoothly, just let it go and let God works. i left for the camp with that spirit in my heart. i want you, Lord!
as for what God revealed in the camp, it will take a book to jot down all God’s goodness into words during these mere 3 days, so i’ll go straight to the feast.
the feast?
yes, God’s feast in the second night. as how it normally goes in a bible camp, the second night is the loudest and the commonly accepted as the climax of the camp (although i personally believe God does not work according to our schedule like that). after the sermon, Ps Frengky told us what God put in his heart. God will make a feast, where we will be drunk in the Spirit (whoa, so Holy Spirit makes you drunk too, not just spirits like gin and bourbon)
"wow, that sounds so cool", i thought, "okay, i want to see your work, Lord", and quietly, in my heart i said, "Lord, i want to know how it feels to experience holy laughter", very quietly in a manner of a child requesting something dotingly to her parent. i purposedly fell down to my knees and started to worship, then it comes, both at once, the laughter and the tears. whoa! isn't He good? i made a selfish request and He gave it to me! now that i am conscious enough to think about it, i think that is what He wanted me to understand. if you want to be happy, delight yourself in Me, for I will give you true joy. i couldn’t stop laughing, all the while tears streaming down from my eyes. must have looked like i’ve gone insane then coz i noticed the people at the band side of the room started to look at me with “that” look.
then, everyone else started to manifest as well. laughter, weeping, screams, dances and exclamations of adorations filled the room. i’ve never seen anything like that but i can tell by the look of it that it was not a simple fulfilment of the Spirit. it literally resembled a feast!
however, let’s not focus on the laughing and crying part. as the pastor said repeatedly in this camp, how he learned over the years that the manifestations are not the main point, the most important thing is our decision in front of the Lord to change. how the experience with God can be life changing.
mr neighbour asked me afterwards how i feel when i had my fits of laughter. i said, well, it’s physically tiring, my stomach and jaw felt like cramping, but inside, i felt that spring of living water really welled up. i felt joy. i felt peace. and i felt love, a love so great i can’t help going to people and pray for them simply saying God loves you. at that point i felt "this is it, why can't i feel this all the time...?" as i write this down, i don’t feel the overwhelming emotions anymore yet i remember that feeling, that little dip into heaven. i will hold it dear in my heart, that is the taste of how much God loves me. now you know, allie, don’t you dare forget this!
i’ve forgotten about my buckets, i’ve forgotten how i could get so unhappy that now i know the source of that peace and joy is within me.
delight yourself in the LORD
and He will give you the desires of your heart.
- Psalm 37:4 -
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