hey, just got back from winter camp, touched. and learned so much. and as always, He knows best what everyone of us needs at the very moment, and i am no exception to that fact.
i came to this camp, with a great expectation, coz i know i need Him desperately at this point of life. if you log back about a week ago, i blatantly wrote i was not too happy, for a lot of different reasons. i was holding far too many buckets, thinking that those will quench my thirst, those will satisfy. but did they?
no.
things still just won’t feel right.
i felt too busy, i started to grumble.
being a part of the committee, i have so many other things to prepare and worry about than whether i have packed enough change socks and ensuring i have my toothbrush with me. most of the time during the sessions, i practically sat at the corner with the sound system boys, being the only translator who’s actually gone to the camp. there were actually two more in the committee who would be able to share the load but they were unable to leave work to attend :( thank God, some beautiful souls offered their help and guys, you know who you are, i sincerely thank you.
that’s not all. praise and worship resources in this year’s camp is rather limited, too, so the choir members were promoted to singers and some singers tasted their first worship leading experience in the past 3 days :) all available resources were being made full use of to their best potential. okay, so that’s 2 sessions of vocal gymnastic for me, as if i have not exerted my vocal chord enough repeating all the preachers’ words.
ah, but there’s more! first aid. well, i am not really a medic, i’m a dentist in real life, but i am the only other person beside the equally busy miss Lois who has the first aid cert. so there we were, running back and forth from dining hall/function room, visiting our patient, sending food, paracetamol and prayers straight to the room.
honestly, imo everyone in the committee is in the same boat. everyone works real hard, stretched to our limits, and yet we also want something from the Lord. i still remember Devina’s message in our last meeting, that we should not overworked ourselves to the point we cannot enjoy God. things might not run smoothly, just let it go and let God works. i left for the camp with that spirit in my heart. i want you, Lord!
as for what God revealed in the camp, it will take a book to jot down all God’s goodness into words during these mere 3 days, so i’ll go straight to the feast.
the feast?
yes, God’s feast in the second night. as how it normally goes in a bible camp, the second night is the loudest and the commonly accepted as the climax of the camp (although i personally believe God does not work according to our schedule like that). after the sermon, Ps Frengky told us what God put in his heart. God will make a feast, where we will be drunk in the Spirit (whoa, so Holy Spirit makes you drunk too, not just spirits like gin and bourbon)
"wow, that sounds so cool", i thought, "okay, i want to see your work, Lord", and quietly, in my heart i said, "Lord, i want to know how it feels to experience holy laughter", very quietly in a manner of a child requesting something dotingly to her parent. i purposedly fell down to my knees and started to worship, then it comes, both at once, the laughter and the tears. whoa! isn't He good? i made a selfish request and He gave it to me! now that i am conscious enough to think about it, i think that is what He wanted me to understand. if you want to be happy, delight yourself in Me, for I will give you true joy. i couldn’t stop laughing, all the while tears streaming down from my eyes. must have looked like i’ve gone insane then coz i noticed the people at the band side of the room started to look at me with “that” look.
then, everyone else started to manifest as well. laughter, weeping, screams, dances and exclamations of adorations filled the room. i’ve never seen anything like that but i can tell by the look of it that it was not a simple fulfilment of the Spirit. it literally resembled a feast!
however, let’s not focus on the laughing and crying part. as the pastor said repeatedly in this camp, how he learned over the years that the manifestations are not the main point, the most important thing is our decision in front of the Lord to change. how the experience with God can be life changing.
mr neighbour asked me afterwards how i feel when i had my fits of laughter. i said, well, it’s physically tiring, my stomach and jaw felt like cramping, but inside, i felt that spring of living water really welled up. i felt joy. i felt peace. and i felt love, a love so great i can’t help going to people and pray for them simply saying God loves you. at that point i felt "this is it, why can't i feel this all the time...?" as i write this down, i don’t feel the overwhelming emotions anymore yet i remember that feeling, that little dip into heaven. i will hold it dear in my heart, that is the taste of how much God loves me. now you know, allie, don’t you dare forget this!
i’ve forgotten about my buckets, i’ve forgotten how i could get so unhappy that now i know the source of that peace and joy is within me.
delight yourself in the LORD
and He will give you the desires of your heart.
- Psalm 37:4 -
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