as expected, it is more difficult for me to write in ms word than to write here. i stared at the blank document page for five minutes and nah, that's it. then again, it is not so easy either writing all the things i had flashing in my mind just shy of two hours ago since i've forgotten most of them. should've jot them down, ey?
anyway, let's try to string together all these random pieces of thoughts into one post that is hopefully blog-worthy.
...
most of the time we don't appreciate what we have.
i'd love to be in love again. it is a wonderful feeling to be intimate with someone, when you have someone to share your day with, to the teensiest of detail, and would listen to it without showing disinterest, someone who you can call or go to when you are troubled, who will be ready to receive and comfort you when you suddenly buzzed that person's intercom, no matter whether it is in the middle of the night or early in the morning, someone who will be there for you. someone who cares for you, someone who loves spending time with you and you love to spend time with.
to be close to someone and to be loved in return. and apparently i have that someone all along. well, it's not like i can actually buzz Him and just strut into His place since He doesn't exactly live on earth. but JC is always there for me and as much as He longs for an intimate relationship with me, i am the party who often disappoints.
well yeah there were times i was so lovey-dovey with God and yearn for Him more and more, and there were downtimes too. while on the other hand, JC is God, God is perfect and He loves me the same no matter how much or how little i love Him. does it ever frustrate you that you cannot love God as much as He does? coz i do feel frustrated at times but hey, noone can love like He does, that is why there is such thing as grace, and mind you, we can love Him coz He loves us first.
yet still it will not stop me from trying hard to do my bit in the relationship, that is to come and surrender. this is the kind of relationship in which if you have felt the touch of His love for you, you will never want to let go. neighbour told me again last night about the story of the two disciples who walked to Emmaus and on the way, they bumped into JC. JC pretended to want to leave them and they begged and begged for Him to stay because of the flame He set ablaze in their hearts was so strong they wanted more. it reminded me of my post-winter-camp-revival-night experienced as well, when i did not want His presence to leave. just like Kak Iwan's son does not want him to go to work.
so, no matter how challenging it would be, i want to stay in this relationship. i will fight for this intimacy *borrow the phrase ya :)*
goodnight!
xoxo
allie
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