On Gifts Envy and Embracing Your Own

There was a point in my life that I was envious of people. In particular, people with flashy spiritual gifts, like prophets, prayer warriors, awesome singers. Note: see how I put awesome there in front of singers? I can sing, and I am definitely not tone deaf, although according to my other half I imitate instrumentals rather poorly. I am part of the vocal ministry and when you think, well, isn’t it rather awesome too? Unfortunately, I did not feel like that at all. I kept comparing myself with recording artists and all the singers we see in the television, concert, or even Youtube worship videos, or worse, my friends in ministry. That was when I started to depreciate this God given talent.

My example is not the best, since most will regard a ministry on the stage to be somewhat prestigious. I dismiss this talent for a reason that totally self righteous and out of pride. I hid behind the reason of not wanting to be prideful when I sing beautifully, yet in reality I was spiteful of the limitation of my voice, how I do not sound like Brooklyn Tabernacle singers (you wish!). Very hypocritical, eh?

Inside I was screaming, I am not good enough! Why don’t You give me something I am really good at and then I can definitely know it is Your calling for me? Why the calling for some people is visible whereas mine is as vague as one driving in the mist? I appreciate that you do give me this and that but, Lord, is that it? I’m average!

It is frustrating to feel useless in the kingdom of God. But, are we really?

We are often trapped in wanting the extravagant. We compare with others and never truly look at ourselves. We are ears that want to be a nose, feet that want to be arms, fingers that want to be eyes. No wonder we never fulfill our purpose. So, firstly, let’s take a deep breath, pray that the Holy Spirit helps us search our hearts and learn to see who we really are, who God has made us to be.

I identify myself with the servant with one talent in the parable in Matthew 25, who went and buried his portion as soon as the master left. He was envious of the others with two and five talents. My eyes were opened to see, this is exactly who I am. I did not appreciate the one my Father gave me and wanted the five He gave to other. How wicked the heart of man is. Envy. Now think with me and imagine what could have happened if he dug that one talent out and work it out just like what the other two did? It would at least produce another talent, right? It would have born result, fruits, yes? It might not be much, but it is our portion in partaking in the work of God.

My other half put it this way: “Some will be called to reach out. Some will preach. Some will be mentors. Some will sing and dance. Some will also be prayer warriors. That’s all fine, good and important. But someone still has to clean the toilet.” Maybe not literally, but you get what I mean.

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord.  There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.

Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.  And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret?
1 Corinthians 12: 4-6, 27-30

I’m not sure if you were here when Pastor Amelia shared from Psalm 139. That was beautifully liberating and refreshing. When we know who we are in Christ, how we are so wonderfully and fearfully made, individually designed and knitted by God in our mother’s womb, we no longer want to be someone else. God designs us to be us.

Fellow workers and ministers in Christ, hope this truth speak to us and help us to serve Him better, no matter how great or how minor our role is. Do not be downhearted if our role seems so small or silly. Hosea the prophet had to marry a prostitute! Imagine how he felt when God told him to! My reaction would perhaps be, “You’re joking, God!” or “it can’t be God!” However that was God’s plan for him and through it, God is glorified. In the end of the day, that is the sole purpose, who we are in Christ should lead to the Father being glorified and people being drawn close to Him. I believe, the more we embrace who we are in Him, the clearer we will see ourselves in Christ.