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grace came down in little bethlehem 2000 odd years ago. our Lord Christ the Saviour :D merry christmas everyone!

coffee :(

i miss brother baba budan, st ali, seven seeds, cafenatics, rojo, caffeine, degraves st and even the little coffee stall in the subway. sobs.

of adulthood, life and its purpose

good morning or afternoon, wherever you are~

it rained again. it is still raining. i woke up this morning with a tropical thunderstorm raging outside my closed blinds. no jogging today. i went downstairs to daddy's workstation and voila, escaped to virtual world whilst the rain is still pouring steadily, windows clattered with every sound of thunder.

five days in indo and i have started to feel bored. living a holiday feels really purposeless. God, help! is there anything meaningful i can do here? i'm msn-ing with my dearest melbourne friend at the moment and we are talking about building one's own life. gosh, it really shows our age, isn't it, this serious topic? i still believe in whatever you do, you need to have a passion, a strong zeal for it. otherwise, what is the point in doing it? still, it comes back to the question, what am i doing here?

as for now, maybe i am here to touch people's heart, to affect people's life, for the better. starting with my family, let them see the JC in me.

blessed

spent half day with cuz, shared stories, heaps and heaps of stories. there was one moment, one sentence that really touched me and made me feeling so grateful for my family. be grateful of what you have, for not everyone enjoys the same luxury. thank you Lord. i love u mum dad sis bro.

"kerang batik"

few hours of: walking devon, two-and-a-half lap jog/walk around the block, a trip to the market with mum; after the last post, here i am, again, blogging in exhaustion, no no, not because of the jogging if you can call it jogging, since i walked most of it (we need to start slow, eh :p), but because i just came out of a war against a kilogram of my favourite bivulvar creature, "kerang batik". cleaning them is hard work! you have to slip the edge of a knife into the minute, if not non-existent, gap between the two shells, then wash them under running water to remove all the muck, of course they would resist and gosh they are strong! i gave up, leaving five stubborn unopened shells, which my mum flicked open so easily. my super mum! i am left with these battle scars: sore fingertips and chipped nail polish that i must redo now :(

ah, mum just called! time to eat! time for revenge!! muahaha~

mozzie bites :(

four days and a dozen mozzie bites later.

i went out with dear old friend yesterday, trying to catch up with each other over some korean BBQ. went home smelling of ox-tongue and pork ribs instead of the l'eau d'issey i originally wore, went home with a full tummy and a much fuller heart. the conversations, again, just like the conversation i had with sis and jessie during her stay-over, reminded me of how we all have grown up and matured over the years passed. duh, it is the end of the year indeed. i cannot stop reflecting back on my life whenever i have the opportunity. have been so really blessed :)

so, the boys dropped me off at dad's shop since dad and mum and sis and bro were out having dinner just on the roadside across the shop. met ma cuz and made appointment to go out with her tomorrow. she's changed too, we've all grown up, each in our own ways.

this phase somehow feels like a different stage of our lives. and it is! the first happy-go-lucky quarter has passed, now it's time to start thinking about different things, more serious things, things of the future, and such thoughts scare me sometimes, filling me with doubts if i will ever be able to go through it...

God knows best, though. i went to my old church yesterday morning and did not expect much from the sermon, however it caught me by surprise when the evangelist said that this is the time we need to know JC better and deeper, in a more intimate way. it's like confirming, yes, allie, you need to grow more. He knows my worries, and He wants me to know Him more so i can trust in Him more. just like yesterday, it was raining cats and dogs, absolutely pouring, anthony had to ran and brought the car to the front of the resto for us, and it literally cleared up when we reached the gates of my home complex. i jokingly said to him, "God knows that i am going home, He made the rain stops" and we all just laughed. but i truly believe God takes care of me to the littlest of things, like the rain.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you"

...i am thankful i've known JC, for in Christ alone i have my hope and my strength. He is my Saviour, my Redeemer, my Lord, my King, my Shepherd, my friend.

surabaya

one day, nineteen hours and 700grams later after i landed on beloved humid surabaya, listening to jack johnson blasting away from dad's super stereo, raindrops falling on mum's frangipani tree and pots of orchids in our minute backyard, sis playing with devon on the deck, i feel truly grateful. coming back home after living the melburnian life for years gave me a slight cultural shock, people has different attitude towards matter here and it annoyed me like hell, not too mention the unbearable humidity and heat that leaves me feeling sticky the whole time. still, there is no place like home :) no matter how much you complain about all this trivial annoyance, being home is still the best!

hmmm... no waking up at 6.30, no running after the 7.49 train, no working my ass off from 8.30 to 5. it feels weird and great at the same time!! oh holiday~~ blissful holiday~

homecoming

one more day. beyond thrilled!

irritated, but thankful

life can be peculiar sometimes. right when i have thought that i have changed a lot over this blessed 2009, someone pointed out one of my strength that is also one of my biggest flaw. and this is not someone whom i have known for a long long time like you, beloved FA people. this is someone i've only known for barely a month. what are the odds of meeting someone who noticed your flaw in such short period of time and dared to point it out to you when you are just getting to know eachother? freakin daredevil. and it must have been a freakin big flaw.

that's not all. there's still another blow, adding to this sudden initiation of character shaping process. somehow i was deemed irresponsible merely for being too laid back. how if it is actually one's personality to be that kind of person? and it is not that i don't want to change, it just takes time. i am only human and i am fully aware of that fact as i hope other people is, too. so, now i am confused. what sort of person do i have to be?

ah yeah, of course i am not forgetting that we are to become like JC, i know that. i was hoping of something more detailed, like a step by step instruction :p haha i am asking for the lazy way, if not the impossible. where is the learning process if living is just following a step by step manual book?

anyways, one thing i understood from all this, God wants to shape me even more, into His likeness. that is why He tinkered with my character, uprooting and throwing away bad traits, they are not for keeping. i want to become a better person, too, and damn, it is hard not to do things in my own way. surrender, allie, surrender...

i am grateful that they have been opened up for me. i thought i was ok, and apparently i am not. there is still an enormous space for growth. friends, may they be old or new, are always the best mirrors you will ever have for they would be able to show you what you can't see for yourself.

Lord, i thank you for such people :)

xoxo
allie

a writer's repentance

i was reading through my old posts, trying to find some inspiration for my end of year project, the 2009 testimonials and i found that the older posts are more sincere, more honest and more from the heart. apparently along the way i have lost that sincerity in writing whatever i have written, since dunno when. and sis agreed.

a good knock in the head, it was. stop being so proud of your writings allie. just be true to yourself.

off to enjoy the sun!!

on love

“He who is forgiven little, loves little.” This little statement reveals a mammoth truth for us: We will love God to the degree that we recognize the magnitude of our sins and the immensity of God’s grace to forgive them.
- www.desiringgod.org -

26 degrees

melburnians! go outside! look up to the sky!!
isn't today beautiful?
what a gorgeous weather!

and i can't wait for john piper's next sermon~
i am beyond excited!!

a little conversation

A : "i have problem understanding Matthew 22:14. 'for many are called, but few chosen' if not everyone is called, and not everyone is chosen, are there people who have been predestined not to be saved?"

B : "well, if any of us has come to Jesus, we come because He drew us, which none of us deserves and you if you never come it's because the Father did not draw you which all of us deserves." this is a really inconvenient truth, but i find great comfort in it... which needs a bigger time & space than this little conversation.. how about this, if there is this one person, whom in our eyes is impossible to be saved, impossible for him/her to believe then we go to God and ask for him/her to be given to Jesus then it's up to Him to draw that person, so nothing's impossible and the burden is lifted off our shoulders to become Jesus' marketing rep & the punishment we inflict ourselves when people refuse to believe in Him or even leave Him... but again, maybe it will take years to really grab this truth instead of the romanticised version we like to hear... take as much time as it's necessary :)"

A : "the only thing that i can grasp firmly at the moment is how grateful i am that He has chosen me, it’s not me you see but God himself chose me to be saved. how great is that? this is real solid food and it might take a lifetime to comprehend and maybe not even to the full extent but i chose to just live by faith, on the basis of what i have experienced, i need no other reason to live in JC. dear me... i think i just have found the answer to our cell's concern that we shared to eachother yesterday... what can we do to improve cell, to get everyone excited in God... now i think we don’t need to frustrate ourselves so much thinking abt it. just do our part, all the best that we can and when we see result, it is not us, it is Him. the burden is indeed lifted."

B : "personally i've gone thru this... when someone very close to me stopped coming to church 2 years ago i felt really condemned... i asked stupid questions like, "was it something i said, was it that time i forgot to pray for her, was it something i did?" then as a cell we asked even sillier questions, "was it cos we didn't meet her every need? was it cos we don't take her out to dinners & outings enough? was it cos someone forgot to wish her happy bday?" sounds very pious, huh? carryyy all this burden on my shoulders in hope God will take pity on us and she will return.... let's reverse this, if there is someone in our cell who comes diligently, really listened to the Word of God, excited to go to church, ministers and gives him/herself to be baptised... is it cos of us? our efforts & methods worked? must be because we've been such great leaders tat they believe? was it tat wonderful song choice or tat particularly moving prayer that did it?? then this truth comes slamming down like a fresh wind... Psalm 115, the glory is not to us but to His name... "God is in the heavens, He does whatever He pleases" and all these verses abt it's Him that draws us near, He won't let anyone get out of His sight once they're His... mannn...wat relief...how liberated i felt.... T_____T my zeal for preaching & teaching also increases cos i know it's not my works, not my song choice, not any particular illustration, BUT WHEN GOD works in the hearts of His flock. that's sovereign grace."

this might interest you too~