only human

"A squirrel in the tree is he watching me
Does he give a damn?
Does he care who I am?
I'm just a man, is that all I am
Are my manners misinterpreted words or only human?
I'm human

Murderous crow, hey what you know
What you reading about, what you hold in your toes
Is that a twig, are you a dove of peace
A black dove undercover, with another puzzle piece
Are you a riddle to solve all along?
Or am I over thinking thoughts of human after all

Only human
Made of flesh, made of sand, made of you and me
The planet's talking about a revolution
The natural laws ain't got no constitution
They've got a right to live their own life
But we keep paving over paradise

'Cause we're only human
Yes we are, only human
If it's our only excuse do you think we'll keep on being only human
Yes we are, yes we are
Only human, only human, only human
So far

Up in the major's tree, the one he planted back when he was just a boy
Thinking 1923
Thirty meters and a foot, take a look, take a climb
What you'll find is the product of a seed
The seed is sown, all alone
It grows above, with a heart of love
Sharp and shelter of the animals of land and cold weather breathing
We're all breathing in

The planet's talking about a revolution
The natural laws ain't got no constitution
They've got a right to live their own life
But we keep paving over paradise

'Cause we're only human
Yes we are, only human
If it's our only excuse do you think we'll keep on being only human
Yes we are, only human, only human, so far, so far

And this place it will outlive me
Before I get to heaven I'll climb that tree
And I will have to give my thanks
For giving me the branch to swing on
If I ever fall in love
I'll have to give myself a baby
I will let my children have their way

'Cause we're only human, yes we are
Only human, so far, so far"

(Jason Mraz)

i was washing dishes when suddenly all emotions rushed into my head and worked my mind up like a clockwork, i couldn't stop thinking, i had to stop the therapeutically mindless act of soaping and rinsing dirty crockeries and dashed to my computer to pour them out.

Christians are often stereotyped as the hypocritical much, and the stereotyping was mentioned repeatedly in the messenger's Good Friday act, it got me thinking. God knows all the angst i kept inside, for i understand how both Peter as well as Grace feel.

sure it's hard being a Christian these days where everything is a matter of one's opinion and one's personal beliefs are to be appreciated and respected as a part of basic human rights. you want to be radical, people thinks you're crazy. at one point, i considered giving the steering wheel a little turn, swerving into the so-called-balanced-life, yet Ci Lyd's encouraging article came at the right moment to nudge me back on track. thanks ci!

however, i, in fact, am not too different with the rest of the world.

as Peter
apparently i do care of what people would think of me when i put one foot out of line, whether it's by mistake or on purpose. there is this expectation to meet, being a Christian and all. and deep inside, there is this fear of people scrutinizing me and trying to find my littlest mistake and it is making me feel pressurized to be a good girl all the time and i know i am supposed to be one but i am not supposed to feel the pressure, am i? it is the Lord who will judge, not people, so why should i care? it is not as if i don't try.

i like the term redeemed sinner, you might have noticed me using it before because it reflects the pardon and salvation i have received from our good Lord but also doesn't leave out the who-i-really-am. it is a perfect defensive statement for all the mistakes i still make. unconsciously, i abused this concept and excused myself often by saying "i am only human afterall".

but, i should have gone and sin no more...

as Grace
remember this? i have to apologise one more time for a similar reason. true that one has a certain capacity to love, especially us who has felt the Father's love, but do you realise that the word capacity means that there is a limit to it? maybe it's just me, but i felt as if i have been a mother hen guilty of neglect of my chicks. i still cannot love like JC does, and, man, i feel bad!

but i shouldn't be like this, should i? i was so angry with myself... then... i remembered this story.

15 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you truly love [agape] me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love [phileo] you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”

16 Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you truly love [agape] me?”
He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love [phileo] you.”
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

17 The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love [agape] me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love [agape] me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love [phileo] you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep."

(Matthew 21:15-17)

with all my obvious shortcomings, i can only phileo like Peter, but i know God is able. when we embrace grace, instead of self-effort, He will make everything better. He clothed us with His righteousness. when allie can't, God can :)