2 more days, to the final exam of my life, EVER (provided no sups for me, that is). am i thrilled? strangely, no. scared? no. people kept asking me about how i feel at this very moment, almost finishing uni.
...i feel nothing is different from the usual. no sense of urgency either to study hard. i study what i could and take the rest easy, chilling with nie-berry and elple and h, went to watch a movie with st kilda + mr tant. well... the nerve and anxiety is still there. as soon as my distance from the RDHM decreases, i started to get palpitations, clammy hands, and tremors, adrenaline kicking in, ready to fight or flight.
but somehow, yesterday's treatment planning vi-vo went better than i expected, at least better than the first day patient presentation.
firstly, i was sitting down snuggly on a chair instead standing up. it does make a difference! at least for me, although the examiners also sat on both my sides. since my trinity days, i found that i stutter less when i speak sitting down, so the exam arrangement yesterday played to my advantage.
secondly, the nerves somehow calmed down a bit and have adjusted from the first day exam shock. i was able to think a tad more clearly to answer mccullough's volley of questions. i really think he had fun bullying me with those stupid sjogren syndrome question yesterday! the fifth and the sixth diagnostic test for SS? thank God, i know the answer although i only got to say one (he moved on to the next question so quickly...). it was the serology for anti-LA and anti-Ro and also minor salivary gland biopsy, if there's a focal collection of at least 50 lmphocytes, it is diagnostic of SS :D
anyway, thirdly, the familiarity of mccullough and wallace render them as less intimidating examiners in comparison to parashos and tucker whom i've never met before (except parashos gave us few lectures on endodontic prognosis and... i can't even remember the other lectures he gave... sigh. endo is really not my forte) on the other hand, mccullough is our research supervisor whom we see every few weeks for the past one and a half year, who will surely remembers anyone from our group. and he's never the serious type. i mean, please, this lecturer would not wear a tie when chairing a formal university presentation session and poor dr manton had to lend him his tie. yes, the one he was wearing! it was kinda cute when the bear-like dr manton put in on our jeans-clad a/prof mccullough.
well, glad those are over.
still, after exams, there's still so many things to do in this end of the year and i really dunno how this little body will take it. it would be a tough, busy and happy end of the year. i believe though that JC has been keeping watch on me all this time, otherwise i would have broken down by now. it's just too much too handle sometimes. yet, He's with me :)
so... if i want to be stress-free in this stressful period, what i need to learn is to surrender all to God. easily said, however as i commented on ivan's post two days ago, it has always been difficult to surrender 100% to our Lord. we kept holding back few things that we think, "these ones i can handle by myself, thank you very much Lord" :(
"Cast your cares to the Lord and He will sustain you
He will never let the righteous fall" - Psalm 55:22
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