a lesson from screwtape

"the Christians describe the enemy as one 'without whom Nothing is strong'. and Nothing is very strong: strong enought to steal away a man's best years not in sweet sins but in dreary flickering of the mind over it knows not what and knows not why, in the gratification of curiousities so feeble that the man is only half aware of them, in drumming of fingers and kicking of heels, in whistling tunes that he does not like, or in the long, dim labyrinth of reveries that have not even lust or ambition to give them a relish, but which, once chance association has started them, the creature is too weak and fuddled to shake off.

you will say that these are very small sins; and doubtless, like all young tempters, you are anxious to be able to report spectacular wickedness. but do remember, the only thing that matter is the extent to which you separate the man from the Enemy. it does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the Nothing. murder is no better than cards if cards can do the trick. indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one-the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts,

your affectionate uncle,
SCREWTAPE"

from The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis

it scares me that my being idle for the past few weeks might drag me down the wrong crag. how if in this nothing-to-do state, by chance and circumstances, those little tempters successfully luring my oh-so-flickering mind into their gentle, soft road to hell?

i need a job. and things to do.
wrong. I NEED GOD.

p.s. i miss u sis <3