back at my new haven which i visit so constantly over the past few days, logging in with borrowed identity from my sister: the blissful RMIT library and its glorious internet. but enough with all this internet prattle, let’s get to why i am here!
i can’t help being both terrified and excited at the same time for things to come this new year. as we knelt down and prayed last week, conversing with God in what would be more like a formal meeting in a sense compared to our daily prayers which would be the equivalent of casual chats, somewhat astonishing revelations came down upon us, speaking strongly in our hearts, one confirming the others.
so, before i forget it all, i’ve decided put these visions (and also my thoughts on them) down into a little note, a reminder for the year to come of what God has spoken about our cell last Wednesday evening:
1. firstly, in accordance to what He also revealed to His church, God will bring our cell to know Him more, deeper, in a much more personal level for He wants to know us and wants us to know Him that badly. He is to be the core of our everyday and the centre of our everything. last Monday, i had this wild allegory, of God being the core of an atom – you know, the one with protons and neutrons – and i am like one of the electrons on the outer shell, trying desperately in futile attempts to jump into an inner ring, yet never made it. how difficult it is for us humans to try with our own might to shift the tiniest bit closer to God if not God Himself do it for us. that is why He came down to this world. that is why there is such a thing as the Cross. do you follow?
2. how do you suppose He will do that, asked you. well, for those of you who were there in Queen Victoria Gardens when i made my nervy little speech, you might remember how i said last year i learned that life is a journey, a journey that will mould us into Christ-likeness. it is indeed, and it is not over! i have been thinking a lot about this journey thing, and voila! guess what book dear neighbour lent me? John Bunyan’s The Pilgrim’s Progress. this is no coincidence, apparently i have to learn about a Christian’s journey.
regarding the book itself, i am only a quarter-way through it, up to the words:
“…there is little but faithful dealing with men now a days, and that makes Religion so stink in the nostrils of many as it doth; for they are these talkative fools, whose Religion is only in word, and are debauched and vain in their conversation, that (being so much admitted into the fellowship of the godly) do puzzle the world, blemish Christianity, and grieve the sincere” – (Christian discoursing to Faithful)
i have been reading in a pace slower than my usual, for the vocabularies dated back to few centuries ago, obliging me to open my long untouched Oxford dictionary every now and then. nonetheless, my recently rediscovered love for such classic literature overpowered the tediousness of the reading process, and in my devouring of the book i was constantly reminded again of things i know a Christian must do yet have not done, such as the one in the quoted passage. pray i won’t be one to “blemish Christianity”. it has been my only fear as a blogger to turn into some hypocrite who babbles a lot but never does what she writes. that is partly the reason i am not too fond of composing any other reflections or articles beside of things i firmly believe and truly felt in my heart.
oh dear, i got sidetracked, didn’t i? anyways, moving on to the third part, last but not at all the least:
3. this year is going to be the year our cell coming across Job’s experience.
…
HEY! wait a minute!
isn’t Job the guy who lost it all, got very poor, sick, scorned by his own wife and buddies before God (finally) restored everything back? and you say we will experience something like that? no way! i love the ending, but the preceding process? *shudder*
it freaked me out when i heard that. however, Ci Yuli said so nonchalantly that we must be grateful He let us know, so we can brace ourselves and prepare for it. to no longer living superficial Christian lives but to be brought to know the Lord so much more intimately we will say “my ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you”. wow!
being rather emotional lately (main suspects: loneliness and far too numerous errands to run), and at times unsure, there are times i can’t pray at night and ended up just weeping, it is almost as if my spiritual man – in my case i should say woman – is going through the rollercoaster adolescent stage, still so inexperienced yet wanting more out of the unknown. even so, i’ve decided. i am going to brave myself to take every needed step of faith, as i know God is with me.
can’t say that i’m not afraid, i am scared stiff, however experience taught me that He knows best and it can’t be more wrong not to leave it all in His hands. so, might as well let Him hold our hands and lead us to His green pastures and quiet waters. i started to understand why Kind David wrote those Psalms, those prayers, those crying-out-loud-to-God-help-me, because it was the same sort of sentiment that troubles me yet also the same unchanging fact soothes me, that God is the only one in whom we have Hope.
“even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil, for You are with me” – (from the most well known Psalm, you should know this)
brew Knowing God and Journey together in a pot, add a Heart-ful of Faith, Grace, and plenty of Job’s Perseverance, you will get a life changing experience.
exciting, eh :)
p.s. i know this is an awfully long post. spent hours jotting this down last night. thank you for reading, appreciate your patience!
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