my second melbourne christmas

as long as i can recall, i've only spent one Christmas here in melbourne, and i don't have much recollection of how it was. but, man, this Christmas was special. as boo's put it nicely in his own little piece of writing, from which i will quote later on, it is not about the feast, the gifts, the shopping, the decoration, or all other christmassy tidbits, it is about Jesus.

boo and i had the same revelation about Christmas, which were confirmed three times over the span of two days. it started from a small discussion during a Thursday night Chrissy dinner, "about music and movies choices... ...1 Cor 10:23 "Everything is permissible - but not everything is beneficial", ...if we fill our head with the useless music and movies of the world, we won't have much room left for God and Jesus." the following night, in the Christmas eve service, our beloved KD delivered exactly the same message. it didn't stop there...

"The third message came as I drove home from joint FA, the radio was playing a sermon, and it told a story of a kid acting out in the Christmas Drama as the innkeeper, whose only line was saying 'there's no room at the inn.' It should've been that easy, except that for some reason 'Joseph' and 'Mary' started improvising on the stage and started pestering and pressuring the innkeeper to give them a room, even insulting him. With tears running down his face, but with a brave face, the innkeeper had to insist that 'there is no room at the inn.' But as the drama continued on, and curtains rolled down for the next scene, that kid jumped back in to the centre stage and said: 'wait! You can have my room! You can have my room!' For those of you who were at the joint FA, you can probably feel how strong an impression that would've made to me that night."
- B.S. 2010 -

the little harley in that play was improvising deep down from his heart, innocently and sincerely offering his room for the 'baby Jesus'. would we do the same as little harley, if we were the innkeeper two thousand odd years ago in bethlehem? KD's sermon was taken from the same passage reenacted in that little drama, Luke 2:

1 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while[a] Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to their own town to register.
4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

it was about how Jesus was born in a lowly and humbly manger, because there was no room for Him. it pained me, because i know i have been exactly like that, been too busy, running around and looking occupied all the time, for what? for God? was there even room for Him? or was it just for a show? i repented that night, yet God's lesson did not stop there either.

Christmas day, Christmas service. Luke chapter two continued.

8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

16 So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17 When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18 and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20 The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

this time, the sermon was on why God chose such a humble way to come down to earth and how through simple, subtle moments in our life, God is there, and works in our life, how we must not brush aside all the humble stuff around us that God may use to do His works in us. it brought me back to the night before, how he used a radio broadcast during a ten minute drive home to touch our hearts. i don't know how boo felt that time, but i guess it is pretty much the same as i did. inexplicable, yet we just knew that it was God speaking. a ten minutes broadcast! and we got to hear the most important message for us in that broadcast!

i thank God for the eventful past few days, for the amazing companions, for the roasts and the puddings, but most of all, for the true beauty of Christmas lying in all the little things.

Merry christmas everyone~

early merry christmas

thank God for wonderful moments and wonderful opportunity to experience and witness His grace abounds last night and forever and ever!

singing~

God is the strength of my heart
God is the strength of my heart
God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever!

homemaking

i've stopped trying to make my house spotless clean. it is no use. one cannot keep up with tidying up the mess of three.

so sad. i want my own house, pity cannot afford one yet.

of boots and heels and thongs

learned a new word today: futzing. unproductive time spent on computer at work. and that is exactly what i am doing at the moment and will be doing for the rest of the day.

not my fault. it's wednesday morning, i am staring at blank appointment book. it rained. the asphalt at my surgery's carpark is still wet from all the resulting moisture. i am wearing my calf boots, soooo comfy! walked to the bus stop and then to work today with no grief from naughty raindrops seeping into my shoes. i hate it when that happens, i like my feet to be warm and dry, thank you. and yes, you're right, this post will be so trivial just because i'm bored here and i don't feel like reading yet. i'm supposed to continue reading outliers since last night it was so hard to put down, yet picking it up again is an entirely different matter. who reads at nine o clock in the morning anyways? so let's talk about shoes.

i live in boots, flats and slippers world. no matter how much i would have needed the extra height and poise you get from heels, i don't seem to be able to befriend them. my feet would start aching badly after an hour, then i would have to bear the pain for x more hours i'm out in those shoes. there is a reason those things are called killer heels. beauty does need sacrifice, however i used to think that it's not worth sacrificing my comfort.

then one night, last night, to be exact, i was browsing online for some spring/summer sandals and bumped into this gorgeous pair of summer heels, that will look fabulous with basically anything! i fell in love <3 the issue is, the heels are 11cm high :( firstly, it will make me taller than boyfriend (yeah he's not blessed in the vertical dimension either). secondly, i might be better off walking in stilts than in those stilettos. i am not used to heels, but i want them. how? how? how? what should i do? sis said all i need is practice.

then again, is it worth it? be pretty and not comfy? or just be yourself no matter how frumpy you'll look?

a really light post (no kidding this time)

it is so hard to put outliers down!
reading is fun!
so, why is it not always the case with the bible?

a little light reading

okay, not so little. quite a lot.

i stumbled upon this as i skimmed through theage.com.au for today's share of news.

interesting? mostly are things we've already known and it is still a bit far-fetched for now. i'd have to look a bit further into the future to be able to picture myself in that situation, but hey, there is nothing wrong with thinking about it now, is it? it is called planning and preparation :p most girls will eventually become wives and mums anyway, but the question is, what kind of wife/mum will they be?

working mum? stay-at-home mum? mum with lots of maids or mbak-s? (i will refer to maid as mbak from now on since that is what i usually call them at home. mbak is actually a polite term to call older sister in javanese culture).

it does annoy me sometime when kids get too spoiled, but now it annoys me more when mums get too spoiled, aka do not really take up the responsibility of motherhood and homekeeping. the article i linked up to were talking about mothering being an extreme sport. getting up every three hours day and night to feed your baby while you're still sore from childbirth, resulting in lack of sleep and irritability. distress that originated from initially being unable to understand why your precious little gem cried his/her little lungs out. hungry? sleepy? need nappy change? bloated? every mother gets to recognise different cries eventually, but it still comes with time. changing nappies and cleaning poo from their precious little bottoms, inhaling the stink that comes from your beloved. and on top of all that, hubby in the background, either sleeping soundly or snoring loudly. no wonder young mums get baby blues.

everyone will say it is worth it, and i believe that i will agree when my turn comes :) now, let's talk about what i wanna talk about.

this crossed my mind when i was scrubbing grime out of my bathroom tiles. this is not the kind of housework most young mum will do nowadays, especially in beloved homecountry, in-do-ne-si-a. spoiled rich mums often take shortcuts, in the form of aides: either the grandma, or mbak. i have nothing against nannas helping taking care of their grandkiddies. it is lovely. nanna is okay, but nanny is a bit, uh... and mbak in indo does not only do nanny's job, they do maid's job as well. lots of young mums in indo are usually very well groomed, with manicured nails i imagine would've never touched a brush to scrub shower tiles or do dishes. i tried painting my nails once and most got chipped as soon as i scrubbed a pot after making dinner. but isn't being a woman, a wife, a mum, essentially and traditionally means cooking, cleaning, sewing, and loving her family and her home? such a pity, a lot of wives nowadays are just trophy wives, not real "functioning" wives.

i give my kudos to all nanna generations who did and still do their houseworks themselves. to stay true to their natural role as the homemaker.

this is nothing against working mums, it is perfectly fine, even the bible said that the wife of a noble character is an amazing businesswoman who also manages her house very well.

i love my job, but i love homemaking too. it's not easy to find the work-life balance, but i will make do, somehow :) coz this is what we're made for. so dear ladies, career and all, you can have it, but stay true to your nature, okay?

felt so satisfied

i don't know if i am being too simple-minded or too easily pleased. i get happy with the slightest things like sunshine and lush green grass.


or maybe i am just blessed :3

growing pains

i'm twenty-six. would you say i am already a grown-up or still growing up? you would've said the first, i hope, yet it is not necessarily the case. i was chatting on bbm with my dear cuz yesterday and we were talking about how far we've gone since high school (we went to the same school!), and we found out that our life is not sorted out yet. mentally, we are so much more mature than before, but on the whole, i don't think we qualify as a settled adult. at least for me, i still feel so young and life is still a big messy blob at the moment!!

i wonder if we will ever finish growing up. i thought the hardest period of your entire life would be the transitional prepubescent to adolescent to young adulthood and things get more stable from then on. in reality, not really. there are always changes, as they always say, the only thing that never changes is the change itself.

you got over the pimply high school period and deciding on schools and universities. check.
you got over the hard scholarly years, drowned in books (unless you were a party animal, unlike me), to finally get your expensive piece of paper with the writings "bachelor of blahblah". check.
you got over resume making, job hunting and fretting about interviews when you finally received your first offer letter. check.
now, all you need to do is to find someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with and then breed and raise a family. good. would life be "settled" from then on?

noooooooooooooooo it doesn't. there is so much shit to learn, still. things you would brush aside quite easily when you were twenty seem to be important now that you are twenty-six. thinking about getting your finances organised for the future? mummy doesn't send munny anymore. balancing work and life without getting too stressed or overthinking it? no more so-called days-off. finding time to do things you want to do for yourself? i haven't been baking or knitting in ages! learning to surrender more to God when there are so many more things you want to control? not checked.

growing up is painful. i dun think i am ready to be a full-fledged adult yet.
but life goes on, yea?

one thing to always remember, is to give thanks :3
then everything won't be so bad anymore.

third day of late melbourne spring

hullo!! been sick of my lazy posts lately? yeah same here... i am sick of not having enough time to chill so i can rev up my brain to think about something to post here. there are so many things in my mind lately yet has not bothered to organise these thoughts into words. i think now is the time.

first thing first, before i forget, isis salam! this chick is cool. i have been following uniform project since year one and was excited when year two kicked off. got a bit disappointed at the previous two pilots, but isis rocked it so far. for more information, click on the link.

secondly, i am hooked on cryptic crossword.
*big grin*

current state of mind: not sure how to describe it. i feel like i have been trapped into a routine, that is almost already set in stone for each week. nothing ever changes much. work work work work work choir church. then i start all over again. it's not like i cannot go out. oh yeah i do go out a lot, but life feels so planned!! i miss having some spare time to kill, where i am not doing things because they are already noted down on my diary. i miss being spontaneous. i am not stressed... just... unsure... need.. to... unwind, perhaps.

i know what i need.
i need a bloody holiday.
far far away where i have no need to think about anything more than what's for breakfast.

*whiiiineeees*

but then again... Psalm 73 :D

26

happy birthday, love~
xoxo

everhopeful

life,
sometimes seems like a big clod of mess,
but be everhopeful,
for our God is sovereign,
He controls,
good and bad things,
and He loves us so much,

...everything will be amazing :3 (eln, 2010)

be blessed everyone.
goodnight.

what i'd like to have in my garden (4)

what i'd like to have in my garden (3)

what i'd like to have in my garden (2)

what i'd like to have in my garden (1)

sweet life

"I thought you're going out?"

"yeah supposedly
too lazy and too cold
now eating this incredible chocolate pie
and drinking ginger beer
listening to swing music
and talking to u
what a sweet life"

first day of new job

i have decided on some kelly-dressing :3

inspiration

she is a darling <3

#201

last post was number 200! and i completely missed it! boohoohoo.

anyway, i am at work. and not working. already sick of facebooking. kind of wishing that i've had brought my new promise journal from ol' buddy. then again no point regretting not to bring it for a good 15 minutes that otherwise can be spent writing this post, no?

oh, why am i at work and not working?
simple. no patient yet.

this is a really new surgery and there hasn't been much life in it since i started two weeks ago. still trying to be patient, sitting around and waiting for patients. it is the most painful thing to do, not doing anything. so be grateful if you are loaded with work.

we dentists are trained to fix teeth. not doing what we are meant to do kills us. well maybe not all shares this sentiment with me, but as a keen young dentist, i would rather be busy then sitting around doing nothing. for some it is the money, for me, it is about being purposeless.

aren't we like that with God too? aren't we so wonderfully made for a purpose, for His good works? have we done what we are made to do?

i am still struggling to find my calling. i know with my line of profession, i would be more than fortunate enough to help others. nevertheless, this "me" is waiting to take over and get me a comfortable life i could've lead easily.

dear Lord,

i need strength and courage to keep going and for this new job i am starting tomorrow. i need help and guidance so i can do what is pleasing in Your eyes and do my patients right. i need You to tell me that everything is gonna be alright. i need You to tell me, there is no need to be afraid of uncertainties.

and lead me not into temptation.

amen.

:)

thank you Lord for beautiful people around me. nothing else matters.

why is it still cold outside?

i get depressed looking at the weather forecast. this winter has dragged on too long. it is depressing. pretty sure everyone is sick of the cold and longs for warm sunny spring days already. no patients. and no patience too. my sanity is on the brink of breaking. all is too depressing. at least we got some order back in the house yesterday. well, hopefully. a clean house will make us less depressed. damn i sounded like an emo. need God. and miss boo.

not so heavenly post

sometimes you just try to find a reason to make mistakes, so that you can be not-yourself and blame it on something else, when essentially you need to be responsible for your actions. classic female example (i do this all the time): when you're feeling cranky, blame it on the pms. it is a license to be moody.

responsibility sucks but it comes with maturity.
do you want to stay a kid? of course not.
so stop whinging, allie! and do what you need to do.

this is our Father

Why should I feel discouraged,
Why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart feel lonely
And long for Heav'n and home,
When Jesus is my portion?
A constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches over me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me (He watches me)
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know he watches (I know he watches)
(I know he watches me)

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me (He watches me)
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know he watches me (He watches me)
He watches me (I know he watches me)

"Let not your heart be troubled,"
His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness,
I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth
But one step I may see:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted,
Whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing,
When hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him,
From care He sets me free:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He cares for me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He cares for me.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

i'm quitting my job!

got offered another one. time to move on^^

blessed weekend

keywords for the day:
standing, rights, relationships, likeness, business, attitude, consolidation, discipleship, fellowship and lip sik (the last one is courtesy of tika hehehe)

oh what a long week it has been

so tiredddd...

*collapsing on the bed*
*snooze snooze snooze*

growing pains

it is still winter and miserably chilly outside.

and i feel like writing again.
i don't care if i can't write in pretty language anymore.
i just want to share my thoughts.
:)

life had taken a turn into the fast lane few months ago. things thrown at me one by one, i had no chance to stop and rest, no time to sit and stone, no time to even think about blogging. even now things still have not fallen into place perfectly, my window frame is still leaking worse than ever, i am still a job-hunter and house is still (and i reckon will always be) a mess. i thank God, though, for i am refreshed, more spiritually than physically, considering i've been travelling to places as far as st albans and mt waverley today (by the ever unreliable metro!!), i'm so ready to collapse on the bed. i have been refreshed more than enough to be grateful for all the beautiful things He has done so far and for more beautiful things to come.

i have been stuck doing my job for about a year and a half. still enjoying it, absolutely loooove the people i work with, but also started wondering if this is all there is to dentistry. public dentistry is not really appealing to be honest, especially for young souls thirsty for more in life. so, my job hunting days started. interviews after interviews, ranging from humble dental surgeries to money making dental spas.

apparently, it is relatively hard finding a good private job if you're only one or two year out and does not want to work on saturdays, which is usally the busy day for a private practice. my heart sank when a practice manager told me i should really consider sacrificing saturday if i want a career in private. but, but, saturday is also for You, Lord. what about prayer meetings? what about choir? i have to admit i gave it quite a thought, yet i could not bear stop serving God. no, it is not worth it. there is more to life than just work. so i persevered. back to square one, djs.com.au and adavb employment register.

you know what, i have never thought of what i want in this career before until one prospective employer asked me this question:

"what is your goal in dentistry?"

my spontaneous answer was, "i'm not really sure, haven't thought about it before"

i went home and thought hard about it. and then i realised there is a kind of dentistry that i want to be doing. not fancy specialised dentistry. i want to do simple, basic, family oriented dentistry, and be really good at it. i want to take care of people.

then another one asked today:
"where do you see yourself in five years?"

today, i had the answer :)

God has many plans in me, and i am pretty sure i am not planned for money making dentistry. i am not planned to rob people of their money just to get their teeth two shades lighter. i am planned to take care of people, to take care of families and be rewarded with sincere thank you-s and satisfaction.

and who would have thought i'd found a christian dentist interviewing me today? it'll be interesting to see how things unfold.

i felt i grew up a little bit this week.
i found a direction.
i kinda know where i am going now.
thank You, God.
please always hold my hand when i walk this path.
and help me grow in You, too.

love,

allie <3

(no subject)

end of my off week. accomplished much? maybe yes, maybe no.
haven't been writing much at all lately, that is for certain. just has been feeling vulnerable, too vulnerable to expose my innards to the whole world. sorry peeps. will try to be back to writing as soon as possible, i do miss it too.

23 ey

happy birthday sis~

give thanks

all in good time, my dear~

chat

ci eli :) it's nice to have a caring leader~

r-e-s-p-e-c-t

Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.
-1 peter 2:17-

i think it is the influence of the free thinking of the world nowadays, that makes people lose their sense of respect. we were talking about it the other day at work that at school, children don't call their teacher "mr" and "miss" or "mrs" anymore, and even at home there is no respect whatsoever towards their parents. children getting rebellious and they think they know better. i like what les said in regard to this matter "they know their rights but they don't know their responsibilities".

young people no longer have respect to elders, just look at teenagers these days. the society is too free. norms no longer exist and it does scare me a little bit. where is common sense? common sense rules that when you see an elderly standing up in a packed train or tram, young ones should automatically offer their seats. that is part of respecting your elders. how many times do i see that happening? less than fifty percent of the time. pretending to be asleep or just not caring at all, ears all plugged with earphones. how hard it is to do? respect can be as simple as polite greetings and gestures, however not many people know how to behave appropriately. would you want to be treated like that much later when it's your turn to be the ones so-called elderlies? sad, isn't it, to see the world slowly rolling into anarchy. the society is getting more and more corrupted, and we just don't know what to do except sitting and waiting for the world to change, which never will if you don't start from the man in the mirror (pardon the pun :p).

anyways, what kills me the most is that we do it to God as well, oh repeatedly. the church cried yesterday, realising how awful we had been. so we bent our knees, prayed, cried out, repented and asked God to restore the fear of God into our hearts. we know there is grace, and we abuse it so freely, and we pretend that we are still good christians. it's too easy to fall into hypocrisy and fallacy. i will not repeat KD's "curhat" yesterday, but i am sure most of you are on the same page. i hope it is not just words once again but lives must change. let's really repent, coz, didn't it break your heart too?

let's start with stopping to be half-hearted, give the full and utmost respect to God who is worthy of every single honour, praise, glory and everything we can offer.

miss cheapo

norah jones' cd for three dollars (plus a stack of newspaper thicker than my wrist that i wouldn't ever finish reading). woohoo!

not to mention nice steamy night, literally though, since we just had steamboat at steve's, slurping yummy oily soup and fish balls galore, chatting about arthur galan and giggling over thai ads.

and... and... weekend's not over yet! there's still tomorrow~ the day of rest :) don't you love bargains and three-day weekends?

birdie

i saw a pigeon perched atop a building across the lane from my window. i thought for a split second that i was in the big apple, but i shook my head and said, no, this is still melbourne. wake up allie, it's already eleven.

mr mayer

he didn't sing this song last night but i thought i'd post it (again!) just because i really like it :) dedicated to two special someones.

I hate to see you cry
lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But i know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But i know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But i know the heart of life is good.
I know it's good.

cheer up.
you know who you are.
yes, you and you.
there'll be better things in store.
i love you-s :)

sookie-lala

two and a half day without coffee. i was sleepy all morning and am sleepy now. lucky there were no exos. my head was pounding after lunch. desperately need sleep. or caffeine... *whine whine whine*

what came out from being emotional

waking up at eight-thirty is a bliss. what a beautiful and peaceful morn. last night was different. it was something much more than a blissful night, it was definitely to be remembered.

just like how i said to boo that yesterday was a yellow-traffic-light day since all we encountered on the way from williams landing to airport to city was nothing but yellow lights, the past week was people week. i might be exaggerating but i reckon i learned so much more about people in the past few days than during last year. last year was wonderful and eventful, but the revelation of each and every one's true nature really came about just recently. i know all the theory about people and mankind and society and personalities and all those sociological shit, but it never enlighten before.

it all started with a broken computer, the subject of my first ever argument with boo. the irony of this is that we fought right after KD's last week sermon about fights and quarrels. "the wars outside come from the war inside". how pathetic am i, eh? my God does have an uncanny sense of humour. oh well, if this is what we need to learn, let Your will be done, Lord. in a way though, after all the tears and apologies, it opened up my eyes more in understanding people, understanding myself and understanding him. understanding a little bit more of how this world works and how things are not always as you think they are.

unmet expectation is always disappointing. in this case, it happened due to the existence of differences (finally, differences! after boo and i spend a lot of time marveling at our similarities). different perspective and different upbringing. different experiences. different way of reacting to a certain circumstance. after all, i was at fault too for not understanding and expecting things to be done my way. sis told me just this morning about something a friend said, (warning: this is gonna be the first time i post a full sentence in indo),"yah mo gimana lagi, maklum lah, dia kan ga pernah pacaran sebelomnya". please note, boo, it's not about you :p anyways, after hearing that, i felt so selfish.

this relationship is something novel to for both of us. mixing two person and two personalities together is not easy at all. i learned no matter how similar you are, there will be upsetting things like this and you just have to learn to deal with it. one of life lessons i've often heard, never comprehended till last week.

experience is the best teacher they say. now, coming back to last night, bul called me earlier in the arvo to come to lo's to chill and have dinner together. simply another hanging-out-together night with some of the people i love the most in melbie was turned into heartwarming, honest, open, sharing night, so overwhelming and overjoying. past experiences and past stories flowed out of everyone's mouth with no awkwardness. we laughed, some cried. we prayed together before we went home and you just can feel the love of God in that little fellowship. how about all the goss and the stories? sorry, dude, whatever's in that room that night, stayed in that room that night :p

ah, blessed!

goodnight~

always be grateful when you look back.
always be hopeful when you look forward.

la vita e bella~

regret

it has been probably over a year since i last visited boxhill, the true chinatown of greater melbourne. i made the trip again this morning, to visit boo. i had a great day laughing over five episodes of how i met your mother, a generous amount of cuddling and super-cheena lunch of dumplings and hot chicken noodle. i have one regret, however.

earlier in the morning, being the self-proclaimed organised girl and perfectionist i am, i checked the train schedule, despite not ended up following it due to the stupid washing machine taking forever to finish my laundry. after chucking the black-clothes-batch into the dryer and dropped by the cup of truth for my coffee, i finally managed to board a lilydale, sat quietly in a fairly empty carriage and started daydreaming.

it was an express train, so it didn't stop at every single station. anyways, in one of the station about midway between the cbd and boxhill, a man came into my carriage and greeted "does anyone have some spare change? i am a schizophrenic and i am not able to work". to be honest, my first reaction wasn't a positive one. i shrugged coz i was kinda afraid. he was tall and unkempt, with scary looking face, the one you dun wanna mess with. i just said sorry quietly and pretending not to look. he made his way along the carriage, until i couldn't hear him anymore.

...then... a tinge of regret came into my heart. it was like, dammit, why should i be scared? this was an opportunity share life. to share Jesus. i started making a scenario of what might have happened if i decided to be nice and helped him. i would rummage my bag to find some change, ask him what his name is, and when i put the coins into his takeaway coffee cup/collection cup, i would simply say, "God bless you, (insert whatever his name is)".

not much to ask, eh? but how difficult to make into reality.
sad, but it really shows our nature :(
oh God help me...

psalm 35:19

"A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all."

what an uplifting promise! happy friday amazing everyone!

coughs and sniffles

sweetness is when you were sick and someone stayed with you and wouldn't go home until you're tucked in bed :)

reprimand

rep·ri·mand  : a severe reproof or rebuke, esp. a formal one by a person in authority.

no one like being reprimanded though it is necessary for everyone to get one once in a while, to put us back on track, to remind us of what we're supposed to do. oh yeah, it does hurt, especially to our pride. no one likes it. i get really defensive against one. rebellious soul. it reminded me of one of the songs in little mermaid i listened to so many times when i was young, one part of the lyrics goes like this:

"bet'cha on land they understand
that they don't reprimand their daughters"

nobody likes it. but we need it. badly.
for those who has the courage to reprimand, thank you.

boohoohoo

i spilled my lunch all over myself and onto the floor today.
chilli stained shiftdress and unsatisfied stomach :(
sob...

one of your favourites

hey, you know who you are :)

on the subject of health

i was not aware that i am rather health conscious compared to most of my friends until i realised i have been keeping in check what lovey is having for lunch, banning maccas and kfcs and coke (the damned concoction containing all the worst possible thing for your teeth which unfortunately tastes so good: up to eleven teaspoons of sugar and strong acid and fizz *shudder*). plus, kept telling people to get in shape while i am not really in shape.

sis went jogging yesterday, as if she needs it, being perpetually under the suggestedly healthy BMI. in this case, the reason was to improve her overall fitness, as she gets dizzy spells easily. fair enough.

me? i stayed at home, eating sushi and watching so you think you can dance. "very healthy" hahaha. the most outrageously funny defense i have ever heard regarding not being in shape was from one of my friend, when someone suggested that her then-bf to get in shape. well, he was a rather tubby dude, but my friend just went, "round is a shape, what?". it still cracks me up whenever i remember it, yet cannot deny that excess flab here and there do you no good, especially in long term. i dun think i have much of those though i do admit i need to exercise more.

do you think walking a dozen times (or maybe more) to and fro, from my surgery to the reception is enough exercise? my surgery is right at the back of a ten chair clinic by the way... how about daily trip from and to the train station as well? it adds up to a good 15-20 minutes a day... furthermore, i go on a walk with the girls at work for like half an hour every now and then, depending on my mood at the time... oh and also, i walk, if i need to go anywhere in the city since i live smack bang in the centre of it... *allie's getting defensive* but hey, it's not like i live a totally sedentary working life :p

dad called last night and he was telling me how one of his mates just had a coronary bypass and we talked about how not eating well do harm your body. then he went on talking about how this friend of him was really overweight yet loves to eat so much, that if you want to find a nice place for dinner, he's one to advice you. oh dear Lord, i am grateful my parents watch what they eat so they'll live long and prosper. amen :)

conclusion is: eat well, exercise enough and dun be too stressed. live's better lived healthy :)

one hour away till the clock saves me

fifteen patient-free minutes. and i've decided to write although i am not really sure what to write at this very moment. i haven't been writing from work for a long time. i haven't been writing much lately, actually. i just don't know what else i should pour out into this blog. is this what they call a writer's block? or am i just regressing? or are my brain cells simply overused that i haven't been able to think creatively anymore?

nah.

i'm just currently too occupied with something else.
or someone else :p

ah! the lady's here.
need to give her denture back.

mary's heart

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said.

But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Luke 10:38-42

on the subject of friendship

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

I know it's good

on the subject of love

i left prayer tower with super puffy eyes again last night. don’t worry; this piece is not a promotional for the prayer tower although i would say that i have been blessed so many times, during those many monday nights in God’s presence, my secret place, my sanctuary.

...

i have forgotten how it felt to be loved, for quite a long while now. to be able to feel loved again, to be able to feel worthy to be loved again, it affected me more than i can imagine. and when i tried to think, that if us, who have fallen short of His glory, still capable of loving, although limitedly and conditionally, how much greater is our God’s love? this revelation really overwhelmed me, beyond what i could take and i spend one good hour crying my eyes out, could not sing, could not even pray, just sat there, awed, immersed in God’s grace.

when i started to be able to control the sobbing, someone started to sing this song, brought me back to brokenness again.

Here I am humbled by Your Majesty
Covered by Your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since You laid down Your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in Your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by Your love
In the presence of Your Majesty

Here I am humbled by the love that You give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm Your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

...i still can’t fully understand why would God came down for us and even died on that filthy cross. we’re not worth it, are we?

i can only come to one conclusion. that is LOVE. that is exactly God’s love for us. He thinks that we are to die for! so why couldn’t we understand this before?

...

i’ve found the answer in this story.

36 Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. 37 When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, 38 and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.
39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner."
40 Jesus answered him, "Simon, I have something to tell you."
"Tell me, teacher," he said.
41 "Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he cancelled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?"
43 Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt cancelled."
"You have judged correctly," Jesus said.
44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."
48 Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."
(Luke 7:36-48)

“He who is forgiven little, loves little.” This little statement reveals a mammoth truth for us: We will love God to the degree that we recognize the magnitude of our sins and the immensity of God’s grace to forgive them.
(www.desiringgod.org)

let's learn to really see :)
be blessed, all~

sanctuary

when my world was in darkness
You spoke Your word
night turned into day
Your beauty filled this place

when my world stood in silence
You filled my heart
with songs that never ends
forever i will praise

to think that the universe
could not withhold Your glory
You choose to live in me
i'm so amazed

(and) i worship You Lord
my life in You restored
here is my heart
make it Your sanctuary
for nobody else but Jesus only You

You are faithful and true
glorious Lord
all my life
it is You i adore
You've touched my soul
completed my world i surrender to You

quiet nights

diana, you make beautiful music :)

the day of rest

today's weather was perfect.
perfect sky, perfect breeze, perfect sun.
three and a half hour of seaside bliss.
still got sunburnt, though.

thanking God :)

yea sis, i'm ready to face tomoro too~

bank street

another family moment :)
luv u ppl <3

p.s. wanted to post the pic up but sis was way faster.

unanswered questions and undeniable truth

apparently it's not just me who has unanswered questions. questions on why God does things that are incomprehensible, even by the smartest minds, why God does things that do not make sense at all (at least to those with some so-called common sense).

logic and reason are sometimes the worst enemy of faith. when you need evidence or explanation for everything, it is difficult to have faith. then, we start treading on dangerous ground. there are only two outcomes, either your faith grow as you keep seeking God in order to pursue the questioned truth or you gave up frustrated and decided you don't wanna play with God anymore. that would be too sad, wouldn't it? like a marathon runner that quit halfway just because he couldn't see the finish line. you're giving up something that is certain.

learn to simply believe, shall we? in the end it all comes back to God's sovereignty. i know one truth that is undeniable. God loves us. how much? cannot fully understand yet, but yeah, He loves us. that is for sure.

thursday night at 408

had a wonderful family moment yesterday.
i am happy.
very very happy.
thank you, Lord :)

a summary

i was lying spread-eagled on my bed last night. back and legs were so sore from an activity loaded weekend, although it was mostly strolling around the CBD. words were swimming in my head, mixed with emotion, mostly gratitude for so many reasons. really really felt like writing but succumbed to the weariness and dozed off at around eleven. i don't remember most of it now, but better something than nothing.

the weekend started real crappy. stormy weather on Thursday that trapped me on the road, in a bus cramped with semi-soaked people, amongst the humidity and sweat and weary faces. took two hours to get home. was hoping dinner with ex-neighbour and sis could cheer me up. it did, a little, but i guess we were all too tired and wet to be cheerful.

nevertheless, things slowly got better, following the weather change (or maybe my mood is just always much better with the sun out). really enjoyed the blissful brunch with my girls, despite taking the wrong tram before eventually got to mart 130. enjoyed the shopping, the most fun shopping i've ever done in ages. enjoyed the chinese new year italian dinner at lois' (yes we had italian), as well the three hours of jenga. enjoyed taking our new canberran (soon to be melbournian as she is moving down in a couple of weeks) friend around. enjoyed celebrating maslan's birthday and getting him all embarassed as a roomful of people suddenly burst into a happy birthday chorus.

felt blessed.
can't remember much about thursday anymore and couldn't care less.

fine lines

no, not talking about wrinkles.

...

there is a fine line between a genuine and a hypocrite.

there is a fine line between "genuinely happy" and "being happy coz you know you are supposed to be happy".

there is a fine line between "not becoming attached to your career/success coz you know that it is not either yours or by your might but all by grace" and "just don't give a damn about it because it is not yours anyway".

there is a fine line between "seriously working hard in your ministry coz you are feeling the utmost gratitude for the greatest grace you have received" and "seriously working hard in your ministry coz you feel that you are obliged to do so in return of all the goodness God has given to you".

there are other fine lines i could come up with, but what for? being able to know where to draw the line is what matters. and we know that what makes the difference is here, deep inside. our hearts. that is where we start fixing.

i feel you...

tough year awaits, it seems. so many things i can feel will happen in the first year of my second quarter of a century. really scared of all these unknowns. will i survive? yes, God will make sure of it. i'm in His care. we're in His care :)

daddy Abe

learned about Abraham this week. to be precise, about his lifestyle and his faith that drove that lifestyle. a faith in the eternal, in what is far more precious than whatever are in this world, which leads to a simple, humble, sojourner's lifestyle, for in his view, life is a mere pilgrimage prior to going home to the eternal city.

this is a very confronting lesson. i tried putting myself in Abraham's shoes (within modern settings of course, for we live in the now). i found that those shoes do not fit the current me. i still want so many things, from clothes, shoes, bags (being a girl, sigh), coffee (nearly becoming my obsession if i'm not careful), to dreaming of one day buying my own car and house (and maybe a second one, and a third one, et cetera) and travel around the world as much as i can. the past two mornings, i could not help glancing at speed's window and contemplating whether i should get that uber-cute dress or not. i've had two cups of truth (that's the name of the coffee stall in campbell arcade) this week although i didn't need it. this is the lifestyle that i am fond of, lavish and comfortable lifestyle, well, as long as i can afford it. greed still reigns in this heart.

i don't understand how he did it, but Abraham never desired wealth nor status, although he had both. he was a very well-off farmer, who chose to live in a tent instead of a nice mansion he certainly would be able to afford. and living in a tent in the middle eastern continental climate is far from comfortable: intense heat during the day and dead cold at night. so why did he not seem to care at all?

8 By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. 9 By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. 10 For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.
(Hebrews 11:8-10)

by faith, it is.

our lifestyle is a reflection of our heart's attitude, then there must be something wrong with our hearts (i suppose not just something but many things, let's start with digging deeper into this one for now).

like you and me, Abraham still could not see clearly what is ahead, even he would not have had a clue of what the city he was looking forward to is like. but then again, is not faith being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see? Abraham lived right out of this verse, which was written long after his time. KD also mentioned that Abraham had been living Matthew 6:33 as well. he sought nothing but the kingdom of God, but look how bloody wealthy he was! and still all those wealth was not enough to steer him away from his course towards eternity.

simply put, we do not seem to have the divine and biblical perspective Abraham had. hey, we still yearn and love and strife for this world (all those clothes and shoes and bags!!).

how could he had such faith? how can we have such faith?

"the change of perspective can only be done by God, who is beyond us and beyond our minds" - KD
God... help us to see your true worth.

it's a double-sided coin

when God loves, God also corrects (Maslan, 2010)

teach me Your way O Lord
and i'll walk in Your truth
give me an undivided heart
that i may fear Your name

i will praise You
forever and ever
with all of my heart
and all of my strength
and all of my life
i offer to You Lord
let Your will be done in my life
teach me Your way

quiet nights

five days ago, i was so excited to come back to melbourne, to end my uselessness during the blissfully unhappening holiday. now that i am here, in the city that i love, doing my job and my ministry that i love, living in the apartment that i love, yet without my closest and dearest ones, i am painfully lonely.

hey you people, this is how much you guys mean to me, come back soon!
especially u sis. home is so dead.

ummmmph

landed safely yesterday, melbourne sweet melbourne.
got tummy ache, the plane food or kopitiam curry?
maybe both.
really haven't gotten the hang of the english language.
i hope i adapt back quickly,
i have work tomorrow >_<

monday, and i'm not at work!

first post in 2010! will be a short and stupid one, not really in the mood to write however feeling the urge to exist. having another slow and lazy holiday day and just wanna say, damn i miss melbourne!

happy new year!