the restoration

that happened about 5 months ago. now i am back serving the Lord, more than ever.

...for me to be able to recuperate in such short period of time, it's nothing but God's doing. it's His miracle in my life :)

i said before, that i ran to JC. yes i did. most likely because the ones who broke the news were spiritual leaders from my church and they led me into prayer immediately after spilling the beans. they led me to forgive him straightaway and not to wallow in anger, sorrow, disappointment, resentment, and ultimately bitterness. I THANK GOD for that! however, still, as human as i can be, never i felt so hurt! i might not be able to trust any guy anymore. nor love.

so, after the incident, i was in Shepparton for one whole month. it's kinda like a blessing in disguise. in such unreachable place, i dont have to answer questions about the his whereabout, what is happening between us two, what is happening to him and so forth, and, it gave me time to be alone, to think over what had happened. what's more, i was there with a bunch of crazy, fun-seeking people, typical aussie youngsters, my uni mates. what other distraction do i need?

then, i came back to melbourne. no one asked me anything. and i said nothing. maybe they dont really know what happened, maybe they were told not to ask me anything. i dont care. I THANK GOD for that coz i wasnt ready to say anything. i started to work harder in my ministry, tried to do more and more, merely as a measure of escaping and keeping myself busy enough not to think about my misery.

but, JC is just so wonderful!
as i drawn close to Him - although with the wrong intention - He CAPTURED me.

Winter camp, July. i did expect to get something out of the winter camp. i was really needing JC. eventhough i have forgiven that guy from the start, there was still something holding me down in my heart. i was still a sad little person, living life with a smile in the facade, trying to be strong. i thought i couldnt cry anymore, but i was wrong. during one of the session, i cried again like i've never cried before. yeah... like some idiot. the paper i was holding in my hand, that we were suppose to tear, was so soaked in tears that it ripped by itself. God's love was so overwhelming that i came to understand what it means to surrender, what it means to trust and what it means to love.

yeah, back to melbourne, i thought, my heart's been mend. yay!
God is really God who met my expectations.

but that was not all.

He doesnt only meet our expectations, God always do more!
He did not only healed my heart, He also added to it!
never in my life, i want to serve the Lord more.
never in my life, i have the heart to pray for others, to serve others, to love others. i used to be a very insensitive and selfish person.
never in my life, my heart is so aflamed!

i just want you all to know, that our God is an amazing God, who loves us more than anything, that He gave His only son to die for us. for all of us. yes. everyone. no matter how deep u fall, He is always able to lift you back up again.
i can tell you for sure. have you all not read my story?
i was betrayed by love, JC gave me a new love, His own love, and that is sufficient for me.
i am not afraid to love anymore.