Friday, December 25, 2009
2512
grace came down in little bethlehem 2000 odd years ago. our Lord Christ the Saviour :D merry christmas everyone!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
coffee :(
i miss brother baba budan, st ali, seven seeds, cafenatics, rojo, caffeine, degraves st and even the little coffee stall in the subway. sobs.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
of adulthood, life and its purpose
good morning or afternoon, wherever you are~
it rained again. it is still raining. i woke up this morning with a tropical thunderstorm raging outside my closed blinds. no jogging today. i went downstairs to daddy's workstation and voila, escaped to virtual world whilst the rain is still pouring steadily, windows clattered with every sound of thunder.
five days in indo and i have started to feel bored. living a holiday feels really purposeless. God, help! is there anything meaningful i can do here? i'm msn-ing with my dearest melbourne friend at the moment and we are talking about building one's own life. gosh, it really shows our age, isn't it, this serious topic? i still believe in whatever you do, you need to have a passion, a strong zeal for it. otherwise, what is the point in doing it? still, it comes back to the question, what am i doing here?
as for now, maybe i am here to touch people's heart, to affect people's life, for the better. starting with my family, let them see the JC in me.
it rained again. it is still raining. i woke up this morning with a tropical thunderstorm raging outside my closed blinds. no jogging today. i went downstairs to daddy's workstation and voila, escaped to virtual world whilst the rain is still pouring steadily, windows clattered with every sound of thunder.
five days in indo and i have started to feel bored. living a holiday feels really purposeless. God, help! is there anything meaningful i can do here? i'm msn-ing with my dearest melbourne friend at the moment and we are talking about building one's own life. gosh, it really shows our age, isn't it, this serious topic? i still believe in whatever you do, you need to have a passion, a strong zeal for it. otherwise, what is the point in doing it? still, it comes back to the question, what am i doing here?
as for now, maybe i am here to touch people's heart, to affect people's life, for the better. starting with my family, let them see the JC in me.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
blessed
spent half day with cuz, shared stories, heaps and heaps of stories. there was one moment, one sentence that really touched me and made me feeling so grateful for my family. be grateful of what you have, for not everyone enjoys the same luxury. thank you Lord. i love u mum dad sis bro.
Monday, December 21, 2009
"kerang batik"
few hours of: walking devon, two-and-a-half lap jog/walk around the block, a trip to the market with mum; after the last post, here i am, again, blogging in exhaustion, no no, not because of the jogging if you can call it jogging, since i walked most of it (we need to start slow, eh :p), but because i just came out of a war against a kilogram of my favourite bivulvar creature, "kerang batik". cleaning them is hard work! you have to slip the edge of a knife into the minute, if not non-existent, gap between the two shells, then wash them under running water to remove all the muck, of course they would resist and gosh they are strong! i gave up, leaving five stubborn unopened shells, which my mum flicked open so easily. my super mum! i am left with these battle scars: sore fingertips and chipped nail polish that i must redo now :(
ah, mum just called! time to eat! time for revenge!! muahaha~
ah, mum just called! time to eat! time for revenge!! muahaha~
mozzie bites :(
four days and a dozen mozzie bites later.
i went out with dear old friend yesterday, trying to catch up with each other over some korean BBQ. went home smelling of ox-tongue and pork ribs instead of the l'eau d'issey i originally wore, went home with a full tummy and a much fuller heart. the conversations, again, just like the conversation i had with sis and jessie during her stay-over, reminded me of how we all have grown up and matured over the years passed. duh, it is the end of the year indeed. i cannot stop reflecting back on my life whenever i have the opportunity. have been so really blessed :)
so, the boys dropped me off at dad's shop since dad and mum and sis and bro were out having dinner just on the roadside across the shop. met ma cuz and made appointment to go out with her tomorrow. she's changed too, we've all grown up, each in our own ways.
this phase somehow feels like a different stage of our lives. and it is! the first happy-go-lucky quarter has passed, now it's time to start thinking about different things, more serious things, things of the future, and such thoughts scare me sometimes, filling me with doubts if i will ever be able to go through it...
God knows best, though. i went to my old church yesterday morning and did not expect much from the sermon, however it caught me by surprise when the evangelist said that this is the time we need to know JC better and deeper, in a more intimate way. it's like confirming, yes, allie, you need to grow more. He knows my worries, and He wants me to know Him more so i can trust in Him more. just like yesterday, it was raining cats and dogs, absolutely pouring, anthony had to ran and brought the car to the front of the resto for us, and it literally cleared up when we reached the gates of my home complex. i jokingly said to him, "God knows that i am going home, He made the rain stops" and we all just laughed. but i truly believe God takes care of me to the littlest of things, like the rain.
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you"
...i am thankful i've known JC, for in Christ alone i have my hope and my strength. He is my Saviour, my Redeemer, my Lord, my King, my Shepherd, my friend.
i went out with dear old friend yesterday, trying to catch up with each other over some korean BBQ. went home smelling of ox-tongue and pork ribs instead of the l'eau d'issey i originally wore, went home with a full tummy and a much fuller heart. the conversations, again, just like the conversation i had with sis and jessie during her stay-over, reminded me of how we all have grown up and matured over the years passed. duh, it is the end of the year indeed. i cannot stop reflecting back on my life whenever i have the opportunity. have been so really blessed :)
so, the boys dropped me off at dad's shop since dad and mum and sis and bro were out having dinner just on the roadside across the shop. met ma cuz and made appointment to go out with her tomorrow. she's changed too, we've all grown up, each in our own ways.
this phase somehow feels like a different stage of our lives. and it is! the first happy-go-lucky quarter has passed, now it's time to start thinking about different things, more serious things, things of the future, and such thoughts scare me sometimes, filling me with doubts if i will ever be able to go through it...
God knows best, though. i went to my old church yesterday morning and did not expect much from the sermon, however it caught me by surprise when the evangelist said that this is the time we need to know JC better and deeper, in a more intimate way. it's like confirming, yes, allie, you need to grow more. He knows my worries, and He wants me to know Him more so i can trust in Him more. just like yesterday, it was raining cats and dogs, absolutely pouring, anthony had to ran and brought the car to the front of the resto for us, and it literally cleared up when we reached the gates of my home complex. i jokingly said to him, "God knows that i am going home, He made the rain stops" and we all just laughed. but i truly believe God takes care of me to the littlest of things, like the rain.
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you"
...i am thankful i've known JC, for in Christ alone i have my hope and my strength. He is my Saviour, my Redeemer, my Lord, my King, my Shepherd, my friend.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
surabaya
one day, nineteen hours and 700grams later after i landed on beloved humid surabaya, listening to jack johnson blasting away from dad's super stereo, raindrops falling on mum's frangipani tree and pots of orchids in our minute backyard, sis playing with devon on the deck, i feel truly grateful. coming back home after living the melburnian life for years gave me a slight cultural shock, people has different attitude towards matter here and it annoyed me like hell, not too mention the unbearable humidity and heat that leaves me feeling sticky the whole time. still, there is no place like home :) no matter how much you complain about all this trivial annoyance, being home is still the best!
hmmm... no waking up at 6.30, no running after the 7.49 train, no working my ass off from 8.30 to 5. it feels weird and great at the same time!! oh holiday~~ blissful holiday~
hmmm... no waking up at 6.30, no running after the 7.49 train, no working my ass off from 8.30 to 5. it feels weird and great at the same time!! oh holiday~~ blissful holiday~
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
irritated, but thankful
life can be peculiar sometimes. right when i have thought that i have changed a lot over this blessed 2009, someone pointed out one of my strength that is also one of my biggest flaw. and this is not someone whom i have known for a long long time like you, beloved FA people. this is someone i've only known for barely a month. what are the odds of meeting someone who noticed your flaw in such short period of time and dared to point it out to you when you are just getting to know eachother? freakin daredevil. and it must have been a freakin big flaw.
that's not all. there's still another blow, adding to this sudden initiation of character shaping process. somehow i was deemed irresponsible merely for being too laid back. how if it is actually one's personality to be that kind of person? and it is not that i don't want to change, it just takes time. i am only human and i am fully aware of that fact as i hope other people is, too. so, now i am confused. what sort of person do i have to be?
ah yeah, of course i am not forgetting that we are to become like JC, i know that. i was hoping of something more detailed, like a step by step instruction :p haha i am asking for the lazy way, if not the impossible. where is the learning process if living is just following a step by step manual book?
anyways, one thing i understood from all this, God wants to shape me even more, into His likeness. that is why He tinkered with my character, uprooting and throwing away bad traits, they are not for keeping. i want to become a better person, too, and damn, it is hard not to do things in my own way. surrender, allie, surrender...
i am grateful that they have been opened up for me. i thought i was ok, and apparently i am not. there is still an enormous space for growth. friends, may they be old or new, are always the best mirrors you will ever have for they would be able to show you what you can't see for yourself.
Lord, i thank you for such people :)
xoxo
allie
that's not all. there's still another blow, adding to this sudden initiation of character shaping process. somehow i was deemed irresponsible merely for being too laid back. how if it is actually one's personality to be that kind of person? and it is not that i don't want to change, it just takes time. i am only human and i am fully aware of that fact as i hope other people is, too. so, now i am confused. what sort of person do i have to be?
ah yeah, of course i am not forgetting that we are to become like JC, i know that. i was hoping of something more detailed, like a step by step instruction :p haha i am asking for the lazy way, if not the impossible. where is the learning process if living is just following a step by step manual book?
anyways, one thing i understood from all this, God wants to shape me even more, into His likeness. that is why He tinkered with my character, uprooting and throwing away bad traits, they are not for keeping. i want to become a better person, too, and damn, it is hard not to do things in my own way. surrender, allie, surrender...
i am grateful that they have been opened up for me. i thought i was ok, and apparently i am not. there is still an enormous space for growth. friends, may they be old or new, are always the best mirrors you will ever have for they would be able to show you what you can't see for yourself.
Lord, i thank you for such people :)
xoxo
allie
Sunday, December 6, 2009
a writer's repentance
i was reading through my old posts, trying to find some inspiration for my end of year project, the 2009 testimonials and i found that the older posts are more sincere, more honest and more from the heart. apparently along the way i have lost that sincerity in writing whatever i have written, since dunno when. and sis agreed.
a good knock in the head, it was. stop being so proud of your writings allie. just be true to yourself.
off to enjoy the sun!!
a good knock in the head, it was. stop being so proud of your writings allie. just be true to yourself.
off to enjoy the sun!!
on love
“He who is forgiven little, loves little.” This little statement reveals a mammoth truth for us: We will love God to the degree that we recognize the magnitude of our sins and the immensity of God’s grace to forgive them.
- www.desiringgod.org -
- www.desiringgod.org -
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
26 degrees
melburnians! go outside! look up to the sky!!
isn't today beautiful?
what a gorgeous weather!
and i can't wait for john piper's next sermon~
i am beyond excited!!
isn't today beautiful?
what a gorgeous weather!
and i can't wait for john piper's next sermon~
i am beyond excited!!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
a little conversation
A : "i have problem understanding Matthew 22:14. 'for many are called, but few chosen' if not everyone is called, and not everyone is chosen, are there people who have been predestined not to be saved?"
B : "well, if any of us has come to Jesus, we come because He drew us, which none of us deserves and you if you never come it's because the Father did not draw you which all of us deserves." this is a really inconvenient truth, but i find great comfort in it... which needs a bigger time & space than this little conversation.. how about this, if there is this one person, whom in our eyes is impossible to be saved, impossible for him/her to believe then we go to God and ask for him/her to be given to Jesus then it's up to Him to draw that person, so nothing's impossible and the burden is lifted off our shoulders to become Jesus' marketing rep & the punishment we inflict ourselves when people refuse to believe in Him or even leave Him... but again, maybe it will take years to really grab this truth instead of the romanticised version we like to hear... take as much time as it's necessary :)"
A : "the only thing that i can grasp firmly at the moment is how grateful i am that He has chosen me, it’s not me you see but God himself chose me to be saved. how great is that? this is real solid food and it might take a lifetime to comprehend and maybe not even to the full extent but i chose to just live by faith, on the basis of what i have experienced, i need no other reason to live in JC. dear me... i think i just have found the answer to our cell's concern that we shared to eachother yesterday... what can we do to improve cell, to get everyone excited in God... now i think we don’t need to frustrate ourselves so much thinking abt it. just do our part, all the best that we can and when we see result, it is not us, it is Him. the burden is indeed lifted."
B : "personally i've gone thru this... when someone very close to me stopped coming to church 2 years ago i felt really condemned... i asked stupid questions like, "was it something i said, was it that time i forgot to pray for her, was it something i did?" then as a cell we asked even sillier questions, "was it cos we didn't meet her every need? was it cos we don't take her out to dinners & outings enough? was it cos someone forgot to wish her happy bday?" sounds very pious, huh? carryyy all this burden on my shoulders in hope God will take pity on us and she will return.... let's reverse this, if there is someone in our cell who comes diligently, really listened to the Word of God, excited to go to church, ministers and gives him/herself to be baptised... is it cos of us? our efforts & methods worked? must be because we've been such great leaders tat they believe? was it tat wonderful song choice or tat particularly moving prayer that did it?? then this truth comes slamming down like a fresh wind... Psalm 115, the glory is not to us but to His name... "God is in the heavens, He does whatever He pleases" and all these verses abt it's Him that draws us near, He won't let anyone get out of His sight once they're His... mannn...wat relief...how liberated i felt.... T_____T my zeal for preaching & teaching also increases cos i know it's not my works, not my song choice, not any particular illustration, BUT WHEN GOD works in the hearts of His flock. that's sovereign grace."
this might interest you too~
B : "well, if any of us has come to Jesus, we come because He drew us, which none of us deserves and you if you never come it's because the Father did not draw you which all of us deserves." this is a really inconvenient truth, but i find great comfort in it... which needs a bigger time & space than this little conversation.. how about this, if there is this one person, whom in our eyes is impossible to be saved, impossible for him/her to believe then we go to God and ask for him/her to be given to Jesus then it's up to Him to draw that person, so nothing's impossible and the burden is lifted off our shoulders to become Jesus' marketing rep & the punishment we inflict ourselves when people refuse to believe in Him or even leave Him... but again, maybe it will take years to really grab this truth instead of the romanticised version we like to hear... take as much time as it's necessary :)"
A : "the only thing that i can grasp firmly at the moment is how grateful i am that He has chosen me, it’s not me you see but God himself chose me to be saved. how great is that? this is real solid food and it might take a lifetime to comprehend and maybe not even to the full extent but i chose to just live by faith, on the basis of what i have experienced, i need no other reason to live in JC. dear me... i think i just have found the answer to our cell's concern that we shared to eachother yesterday... what can we do to improve cell, to get everyone excited in God... now i think we don’t need to frustrate ourselves so much thinking abt it. just do our part, all the best that we can and when we see result, it is not us, it is Him. the burden is indeed lifted."
B : "personally i've gone thru this... when someone very close to me stopped coming to church 2 years ago i felt really condemned... i asked stupid questions like, "was it something i said, was it that time i forgot to pray for her, was it something i did?" then as a cell we asked even sillier questions, "was it cos we didn't meet her every need? was it cos we don't take her out to dinners & outings enough? was it cos someone forgot to wish her happy bday?" sounds very pious, huh? carryyy all this burden on my shoulders in hope God will take pity on us and she will return.... let's reverse this, if there is someone in our cell who comes diligently, really listened to the Word of God, excited to go to church, ministers and gives him/herself to be baptised... is it cos of us? our efforts & methods worked? must be because we've been such great leaders tat they believe? was it tat wonderful song choice or tat particularly moving prayer that did it?? then this truth comes slamming down like a fresh wind... Psalm 115, the glory is not to us but to His name... "God is in the heavens, He does whatever He pleases" and all these verses abt it's Him that draws us near, He won't let anyone get out of His sight once they're His... mannn...wat relief...how liberated i felt.... T_____T my zeal for preaching & teaching also increases cos i know it's not my works, not my song choice, not any particular illustration, BUT WHEN GOD works in the hearts of His flock. that's sovereign grace."
this might interest you too~
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
nyan~
God gives sunshine after the rain, had pulled me through the darkest of dark and will always do. and i'm sure He'll be there for you, too.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
hazy
where did the good weather go? darn, i AM LIVING IN MELBOURNE, which is infamous for its temperamental weather. if only my mood would be not so dependent on how the sky fares.
we're nearing the end of the year, almost time to make resolutions for a fresh start next year. there will be changes, changes that are still in progress at the moment. this is the time when most things are hazy, when most of us are unsure of what we're gonna do, where we're gonna be next year. this is the time to have faith and learn to hope.
have a good day loves~
Sunday, October 25, 2009
sunday arvo
just got home, feelin the heat of late arvo sun and couldn't have felt more blessed. GOD is in control :)
Monday, October 19, 2009
in a relationship
as expected, it is more difficult for me to write in ms word than to write here. i stared at the blank document page for five minutes and nah, that's it. then again, it is not so easy either writing all the things i had flashing in my mind just shy of two hours ago since i've forgotten most of them. should've jot them down, ey?
anyway, let's try to string together all these random pieces of thoughts into one post that is hopefully blog-worthy.
...
most of the time we don't appreciate what we have.
i'd love to be in love again. it is a wonderful feeling to be intimate with someone, when you have someone to share your day with, to the teensiest of detail, and would listen to it without showing disinterest, someone who you can call or go to when you are troubled, who will be ready to receive and comfort you when you suddenly buzzed that person's intercom, no matter whether it is in the middle of the night or early in the morning, someone who will be there for you. someone who cares for you, someone who loves spending time with you and you love to spend time with.
to be close to someone and to be loved in return. and apparently i have that someone all along. well, it's not like i can actually buzz Him and just strut into His place since He doesn't exactly live on earth. but JC is always there for me and as much as He longs for an intimate relationship with me, i am the party who often disappoints.
well yeah there were times i was so lovey-dovey with God and yearn for Him more and more, and there were downtimes too. while on the other hand, JC is God, God is perfect and He loves me the same no matter how much or how little i love Him. does it ever frustrate you that you cannot love God as much as He does? coz i do feel frustrated at times but hey, noone can love like He does, that is why there is such thing as grace, and mind you, we can love Him coz He loves us first.
yet still it will not stop me from trying hard to do my bit in the relationship, that is to come and surrender. this is the kind of relationship in which if you have felt the touch of His love for you, you will never want to let go. neighbour told me again last night about the story of the two disciples who walked to Emmaus and on the way, they bumped into JC. JC pretended to want to leave them and they begged and begged for Him to stay because of the flame He set ablaze in their hearts was so strong they wanted more. it reminded me of my post-winter-camp-revival-night experienced as well, when i did not want His presence to leave. just like Kak Iwan's son does not want him to go to work.
so, no matter how challenging it would be, i want to stay in this relationship. i will fight for this intimacy *borrow the phrase ya :)*
goodnight!
xoxo
allie
anyway, let's try to string together all these random pieces of thoughts into one post that is hopefully blog-worthy.
...
most of the time we don't appreciate what we have.
i'd love to be in love again. it is a wonderful feeling to be intimate with someone, when you have someone to share your day with, to the teensiest of detail, and would listen to it without showing disinterest, someone who you can call or go to when you are troubled, who will be ready to receive and comfort you when you suddenly buzzed that person's intercom, no matter whether it is in the middle of the night or early in the morning, someone who will be there for you. someone who cares for you, someone who loves spending time with you and you love to spend time with.
to be close to someone and to be loved in return. and apparently i have that someone all along. well, it's not like i can actually buzz Him and just strut into His place since He doesn't exactly live on earth. but JC is always there for me and as much as He longs for an intimate relationship with me, i am the party who often disappoints.
well yeah there were times i was so lovey-dovey with God and yearn for Him more and more, and there were downtimes too. while on the other hand, JC is God, God is perfect and He loves me the same no matter how much or how little i love Him. does it ever frustrate you that you cannot love God as much as He does? coz i do feel frustrated at times but hey, noone can love like He does, that is why there is such thing as grace, and mind you, we can love Him coz He loves us first.
yet still it will not stop me from trying hard to do my bit in the relationship, that is to come and surrender. this is the kind of relationship in which if you have felt the touch of His love for you, you will never want to let go. neighbour told me again last night about the story of the two disciples who walked to Emmaus and on the way, they bumped into JC. JC pretended to want to leave them and they begged and begged for Him to stay because of the flame He set ablaze in their hearts was so strong they wanted more. it reminded me of my post-winter-camp-revival-night experienced as well, when i did not want His presence to leave. just like Kak Iwan's son does not want him to go to work.
so, no matter how challenging it would be, i want to stay in this relationship. i will fight for this intimacy *borrow the phrase ya :)*
goodnight!
xoxo
allie
Monday, October 12, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
go green
an image by carl warner that came up when i typed broccoli into google image search. ko sandi's ultimate nightmare, to live in a world like this :p
Friday, October 9, 2009
TGIF
at work and my stomach is cramping. it is not my intention to have an upset stomach every friday but it happened last friday and repeats itself today. my theory is i always overwork my body for the week, do not recuperate enough on the weekend, only to go back to work on mondays not feeling exactly a hundred percent and things go downhill from then to rockbottom fridays. but then again, it can be from the crappy coffee i bought this morning from a cafe at the station. drinking good coffee all the time lowers down your stomach tolerance to below-standard coffee. sigh.
i was soaking in the bathtub last night, and while enjoying the rosy fragranced reject shop bath salt, i thought to myself, "if only everyday could be as relaxing as this". i need a holiday. everyday is too high strung. if it's not for God i would not cope. thank You~
i only ask for one thing today. make tonight a really amazing Friday Amazing. i want to see You.
i was soaking in the bathtub last night, and while enjoying the rosy fragranced reject shop bath salt, i thought to myself, "if only everyday could be as relaxing as this". i need a holiday. everyday is too high strung. if it's not for God i would not cope. thank You~
i only ask for one thing today. make tonight a really amazing Friday Amazing. i want to see You.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
numb lip
gosh! life's geeting busier each day, i haven't got the energy to think about anything substantial to write :( let this one be a light and fluffy post~ we'll just list down some random lessons i learned today, okay? i'm kinda tired and want to lie down very soon...
one... when you start poking your eyes when you try to remove your contact lenses, it is time to cut your fingernails.
two... trains still do run although there is power outage in an area. a really dumb thing happened this arvo. i numbed up a patient for a filling and the power suddenly went off in all st albans. we had to sent the patient home with a numb lip and nothing done. poor girl... poor us too... despite the blackout, we didn't get to go home early.
three... one tub of goulburn valley sliced peach in juice makes exactly three batches of allie's sweet puff pastry, with one batch equals to one sheet of pampas frozen puff pastry skin.
four... some more serious stuff. having priorities set means you will let some people down.
five... not everyone organise things the way you do, allie.
six... cannot think of anything else.
goodnight!
one... when you start poking your eyes when you try to remove your contact lenses, it is time to cut your fingernails.
two... trains still do run although there is power outage in an area. a really dumb thing happened this arvo. i numbed up a patient for a filling and the power suddenly went off in all st albans. we had to sent the patient home with a numb lip and nothing done. poor girl... poor us too... despite the blackout, we didn't get to go home early.
three... one tub of goulburn valley sliced peach in juice makes exactly three batches of allie's sweet puff pastry, with one batch equals to one sheet of pampas frozen puff pastry skin.
four... some more serious stuff. having priorities set means you will let some people down.
five... not everyone organise things the way you do, allie.
six... cannot think of anything else.
goodnight!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
while clicking refresh button in frustation
the weather in melbourne is crazy today! i walked under the drizzle this morning just to reach work and found out the sun decided to come out 5 minutes after i got there. if only i waited, but yeah whatever, i'm here... then it hailed, then it was warm and sunny for a brief while, now, it's raining cats and dogs. and there were the earthquakes, tsunamis, typhoon and stuff. mother earth is not happy. and so are the IT guys at DHSV. the server's down :(
Monday, September 28, 2009
fire
today i repented from unbelief. i haven't been able to feel any fire for God, not even a spark inside me for a while, and i tell you, it wasn't just a short while. as doubt and worries for the future crept in, i started to lose faith. i thought it'd pass as it is normal isn't it to have ups and downs in your christian life? yet i longed for the flame to reignite again and i strove so hard to get it back. how wrong have i been?! few hours ago, i found the answer. yep, just like the cheesy yet ever so true compass jingle, Jesus is the answer. not by my might or my power, but all by His grace. i needed grace (always needing it) and i received it. thank you Lord :) love you~
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
mood lighting
long have science proven that light affects human bodily functions, such as our biological clock and hormonal release. pineal gland reacts to the signals sent by the ubiquitously spread photoreceptors in our body, regulating sleep cycle as well as the pituitary, the master control of our hormonal system. okay, before i started to sound too scientific and living the nerd stereotype my sister branded me with, i'll get to the question that has been bugging my mind for the past few days. how come our mood is affected by sunlight as well? is it hormonal? is there any physiological background or is it purely psychological? because i just noticed i am much happier and more enthusiastic at work when the sun in shining brightly outside the surgery window (although i can't really feel the warmth of it on my skin. sobs). i felt good yesterday morning (note: it was sunny), then in crappy mood for the whole arvo (note: it was cloudy) and the pattern followed this morning, when clouds hung low ready to pour down their contents, i felt sluggish and slow and sleepy. can anyone tell me why sunshine is such a mood lifter?
p.s. missing those times in the pic, where we were young and carefree :p and the sun was shining so brightly! i even miss the heat :(
Monday, September 21, 2009
two NOSH-es in a row
i am patient-less and thus workless again (not jobless though, mind you). one of the upside of working for the public is that you get paid (although not much) for twiddling thumbs. since i watched idols last night, i decided to explore their website and stumbled upon their blogs. it is not that interesting. i noticed that so many of them used...
"hi everyone", "howdy", "hello", "gday"
...to start the post and i realized i have done so myself, many times. gosh, that is a boring way to start a blog. i shall not do that anymore. tim's one pretty cool. the first entry goes like this, week one: still not famous. haha.
i feel so isolated at work. no msn. no facebook. my social life is deteriorating. maybe i really should get an iphone and the world will literally be at the palm of my hand, well, at least the virtual world. the only avenue to some other life outside brimbank will be my beloved outlook. so people, when i email you, please reply quickly. it's lonely in here and i am sick of not having any online interaction with you loves.
i'm a big insecure sook, i know. though i'm not usually this emo or melancholic. you know what, this reminds me of the song neighbour asked me last night if i know how to sing it.
What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.
such a sweet sweet song~ hey ya allie, you are NOT alone.
"hi everyone", "howdy", "hello", "gday"
...to start the post and i realized i have done so myself, many times. gosh, that is a boring way to start a blog. i shall not do that anymore. tim's one pretty cool. the first entry goes like this, week one: still not famous. haha.
i feel so isolated at work. no msn. no facebook. my social life is deteriorating. maybe i really should get an iphone and the world will literally be at the palm of my hand, well, at least the virtual world. the only avenue to some other life outside brimbank will be my beloved outlook. so people, when i email you, please reply quickly. it's lonely in here and i am sick of not having any online interaction with you loves.
i'm a big insecure sook, i know. though i'm not usually this emo or melancholic. you know what, this reminds me of the song neighbour asked me last night if i know how to sing it.
What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.
such a sweet sweet song~ hey ya allie, you are NOT alone.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
an epic world of remorse and resolution - AWT (2009)
you know, when you watch telly, sometimes you wonder if those kind of things in the movies happen in real life. how life can be such a drama. as i get older i came to realise that life is a drama in all its entirety.
i have been trying to solve all the problems in my current life with a view that someday i will have that problem-free period, where i can finally relax and have no worries. hakuna matata, dude. the trouble-free philosophy. however, life does not work that way. learned it the hard way that if life is trouble-free then i would not become who i am now and faith would not grow.
to know God, to know His work, there is no better way than to experience His miracles. and if your life is like driving on a freeway there is no need for God's work in it. fortunately for us, the reality is in this fallen world, there is always trouble for man. even a blameless man like Job was tried more than what any of us might have gone through before or going through now. in the end of it, he got to know God better.
"my ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you."
so, there is no need to whine about the broken light and blocked suction in room 5 (i.e. my surgery), nor difficult and demanding patients who look at you with disbelief "she looks 15, she could not be a dentist!" nor apartment owner who increases next term's rent - surprise, surprise - nor any other annoyance in life, may it be big or little. learn to have faith and of course, do your bit to deal with it.
i have been trying to solve all the problems in my current life with a view that someday i will have that problem-free period, where i can finally relax and have no worries. hakuna matata, dude. the trouble-free philosophy. however, life does not work that way. learned it the hard way that if life is trouble-free then i would not become who i am now and faith would not grow.
to know God, to know His work, there is no better way than to experience His miracles. and if your life is like driving on a freeway there is no need for God's work in it. fortunately for us, the reality is in this fallen world, there is always trouble for man. even a blameless man like Job was tried more than what any of us might have gone through before or going through now. in the end of it, he got to know God better.
"my ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you."
so, there is no need to whine about the broken light and blocked suction in room 5 (i.e. my surgery), nor difficult and demanding patients who look at you with disbelief "she looks 15, she could not be a dentist!" nor apartment owner who increases next term's rent - surprise, surprise - nor any other annoyance in life, may it be big or little. learn to have faith and of course, do your bit to deal with it.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
han guuk guan
casual conversations over kimchis and jajangmyeon and the hype from a recent live amateurish yet awesome musical some friends just saw gave birth to a new idea for choir contribution to the newborn compass ministry. i really really really hope it comes to realization. well, let's start with prayer for now :)
nighty night loves~
nighty night loves~
Thursday, September 10, 2009
milk and honey
i haven't really done a stupid thing for a long long time. i thought it was only a trait possessed by my ex-20-floor up neighbour, which is now inherited by my sister, looking at all the little mishaps that have been happening in her day to day. dear dear, it happened to me today. i left my leftover dinner, which i have packed nicely in the takeaway box for lunch, in my friend's car. so i had to go back to the chopping board, trying to whip some edible lunch in 15 minutes before i could watch big bang theory in peace.
not to mention the absolute debacle last monday. you wouldn't wanna know.
now sipping warm milk and honey, feeling oddly relieved after venting some self-directed anger.
time for more big bang theory.
not to mention the absolute debacle last monday. you wouldn't wanna know.
now sipping warm milk and honey, feeling oddly relieved after venting some self-directed anger.
time for more big bang theory.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
wishing for sunny days
humans are frail beings. yesterday i realised how fragile our souls are. it breaks and crushes easily with the littlest disappointment. even the strongest crumbles under pressure. and that is when you really realise that you DO need God afterall.
and it helps too to have a great company around you, like these special people~ yes, them. and them.
twenty five years and three days and counting. and not wanting another day without You Lord.
and it helps too to have a great company around you, like these special people~ yes, them. and them.
twenty five years and three days and counting. and not wanting another day without You Lord.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
word of the day
perorate \PUR-uh-rayt\ , intransitive verb:
1.To conclude or sum up a long discourse.
2.To speak or expound at length; to declaim.
source: dictionary.com
i think it is me. i speak too much.
1.To conclude or sum up a long discourse.
2.To speak or expound at length; to declaim.
source: dictionary.com
i think it is me. i speak too much.
is one enough?
forty-five minutes doing nothing is boring, especially if you have restricted access to the wonderful world wide web and the most entertaining thing available next to you is the radio in steri room. i tried to be good and went to the front, offering myself to see an emergency but there is no one to see. so back to thumb twiddling and web surfing.
since i can't open fb i went to visit theage.com.au, and occasionally they have interesting links. i found another page to check out if you're like me, have plenty time to waste before you are allowed to head to lunch or maybe just plain tired staring at emails or numbers or notes or whatever you office people do at work and needed something different to look at.
http://www.theuniformproject.com
this NY chick is attempting to wear the same dress for 365 days and so far she's up to day 111 and is doing great. and what's better it's not just for fun, it's for charity. it got me thinking, would i be able to do the same? living on one dress? however when i opened the website, i found that she accessorised the dress up with different stuff each day: scarfs, tops, hats, socks, shoes. so you will still need a huge wardrobe afterall :P it'll still be fun to follow though.
i've pasted the link on the sidebar of this blog as well.
enjoy this little find~
since i can't open fb i went to visit theage.com.au, and occasionally they have interesting links. i found another page to check out if you're like me, have plenty time to waste before you are allowed to head to lunch or maybe just plain tired staring at emails or numbers or notes or whatever you office people do at work and needed something different to look at.
http://www.theuniformproject.com
this NY chick is attempting to wear the same dress for 365 days and so far she's up to day 111 and is doing great. and what's better it's not just for fun, it's for charity. it got me thinking, would i be able to do the same? living on one dress? however when i opened the website, i found that she accessorised the dress up with different stuff each day: scarfs, tops, hats, socks, shoes. so you will still need a huge wardrobe afterall :P it'll still be fun to follow though.
i've pasted the link on the sidebar of this blog as well.
enjoy this little find~
the big M
oh how i love melbourne~
stumbled upon this yesterday at work. here are some of my favourites:
- When everyone knows where a bar, cafe or restaurant is you no longer want to go there.
- You know Sunshine, Rosebud and the Caribbean Gardens are not as good as they sound.
- You felt betrayed when you discovered Melbourne was not the only place in the world with trams.
- You think the slogan on our licence plates should be "Melbourne. The Coffee Is Shit Anywhere Else", "Melbourne. Go To Sydney. We Hate Tourists" or " Melbourne. What School Did You Go To?"
- You've been to the Royal Melbourne Show and the scariest ride is the train home.
- You don't judge people on their looks, wealth or status but on the bread they buy, the coffee they serve and the newspaper they read.
- When you hear the word "Easter" the first thing you think of is the Royal Children's Hospital Appeal and Zig and Zag. And then you quickly think of something else
- Cup Day. Gambling at 9am. Drunk by noon. Broke at 3.20pm. Asleep by 4pm. Hungover at 5pm. All while at work.
have a good laugh coz you might find some actually describes you!
stumbled upon this yesterday at work. here are some of my favourites:
- When everyone knows where a bar, cafe or restaurant is you no longer want to go there.
- You know Sunshine, Rosebud and the Caribbean Gardens are not as good as they sound.
- You felt betrayed when you discovered Melbourne was not the only place in the world with trams.
- You think the slogan on our licence plates should be "Melbourne. The Coffee Is Shit Anywhere Else", "Melbourne. Go To Sydney. We Hate Tourists" or " Melbourne. What School Did You Go To?"
- You've been to the Royal Melbourne Show and the scariest ride is the train home.
- You don't judge people on their looks, wealth or status but on the bread they buy, the coffee they serve and the newspaper they read.
- When you hear the word "Easter" the first thing you think of is the Royal Children's Hospital Appeal and Zig and Zag. And then you quickly think of something else
- Cup Day. Gambling at 9am. Drunk by noon. Broke at 3.20pm. Asleep by 4pm. Hungover at 5pm. All while at work.
have a good laugh coz you might find some actually describes you!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
10 little things that makes me happy
(in no particular order)
1. good weather, blue skies and sunshine
2. lush green grass to roll on
3. flat whites and lattes and mochas
4. when someone on my blogroll updates his/her blog
5. hugs when i need cheering up
6. a day off with no errands to do
7. jamming and singing
8. making someone's day :)
9. babies smiling at me
10. sleeping in!
1. good weather, blue skies and sunshine
2. lush green grass to roll on
3. flat whites and lattes and mochas
4. when someone on my blogroll updates his/her blog
5. hugs when i need cheering up
6. a day off with no errands to do
7. jamming and singing
8. making someone's day :)
9. babies smiling at me
10. sleeping in!
i'll move on
This road that I'm taking twists and turns.
My life my chance turning dreams into reality.
Down this path faced with so many things.
Sometimes I feel like giving up and turn away.
Can't seem to go on. And I've been thru' this before.
Now where am I? Where do I stand? A little lost here.
But I'll remember. All those times you've bought me thru'.
I'd be a fool to give up cos' the goal is near.
I'll move on I'll go on. Lord I will take your hand.
And you will guide me along. Survive thru' this storm.
So I say, come what may. I'll hold on to my hope.
Yes, I will walk down this road.
And my passion drive will lead me on.
Here I am. Once again caught in the rain.
Looking back I've come so far. And I want to carry on.
Take a step a little time It's alright.
Even thru' this rain, I want to smile again.
Don't hold back now. And i've been thru' this before.
Now where am I? Where do I stand? A little lost here.
But I'll remember. All those times you've bought me thru'.
I can feel the sun shining down on me.
Here I am, Here I am. Lord I will take your hand.
And you will guide me along. Survive thru' this storm.
So I say, come what may. I'll hold on to my hope.
Yes, I will walk down this road.
And my passion drive will lead me on.
(Olivia Ong)
i started my week in high spirit, which did not last long. i started today feeling crap, for reasons better left untold. but you know what, i left work feeling uplifted, not only because the nurses were in good mood today work felt enjoyable, nor because sis found cheaper tickets for our flight home, nor because apparently the webmaster at work does not block twitter like they do facebook, but also because all these things reminded me of how much God cares for me, His marvelous way working through all these silly happiness in life to put a smile back on my face. Lord i will take your hand :)
My life my chance turning dreams into reality.
Down this path faced with so many things.
Sometimes I feel like giving up and turn away.
Can't seem to go on. And I've been thru' this before.
Now where am I? Where do I stand? A little lost here.
But I'll remember. All those times you've bought me thru'.
I'd be a fool to give up cos' the goal is near.
I'll move on I'll go on. Lord I will take your hand.
And you will guide me along. Survive thru' this storm.
So I say, come what may. I'll hold on to my hope.
Yes, I will walk down this road.
And my passion drive will lead me on.
Here I am. Once again caught in the rain.
Looking back I've come so far. And I want to carry on.
Take a step a little time It's alright.
Even thru' this rain, I want to smile again.
Don't hold back now. And i've been thru' this before.
Now where am I? Where do I stand? A little lost here.
But I'll remember. All those times you've bought me thru'.
I can feel the sun shining down on me.
Here I am, Here I am. Lord I will take your hand.
And you will guide me along. Survive thru' this storm.
So I say, come what may. I'll hold on to my hope.
Yes, I will walk down this road.
And my passion drive will lead me on.
(Olivia Ong)
i started my week in high spirit, which did not last long. i started today feeling crap, for reasons better left untold. but you know what, i left work feeling uplifted, not only because the nurses were in good mood today work felt enjoyable, nor because sis found cheaper tickets for our flight home, nor because apparently the webmaster at work does not block twitter like they do facebook, but also because all these things reminded me of how much God cares for me, His marvelous way working through all these silly happiness in life to put a smile back on my face. Lord i will take your hand :)
Monday, August 17, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Colossians 3:17
and whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Mondays don't suck anymore.
Mondays don't suck anymore.
Friday, August 14, 2009
intermezzo~
today's a gorgeous day! blue sky and sunshine! i walked to work as usual this morning and found the grass glistened with dew under the sunlight almost like someone had dusted them with diamonds (reminds me slightly of r-patz glittering skin in twilight). and there were only very slight breeze, unlike the usually ill-mannered melbourne wind.
i have to go out in the sun!
that is why we're having lunch at vietnam today.
heehee~
i have to go out in the sun!
that is why we're having lunch at vietnam today.
heehee~
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
footprints
2 Cor 3:1-6
often we are trapped in the business of ministry that we forget the real passion of JC. and the same trap ensnared me for the past couple of months. increasing responsibilities and seemingly neverending religious activities drifted me away from the original purpose, until one of my respected senior helped me to straighten up again. think about this, you might seem like the busiest person in the whole church, but has everything that you've done, done any good for anyone?
quit being hypocrites with all our religious duties and start putting some heart into whatever we are doing. don't put JC to shame by saying we do things out of love for Him yet we do not act like it.
v.3. "you show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone, but on tablets of human hearts."
a true ministry will leave marks. and those marks are not the compliments you received on how good you were in leading worship, how beautiful your voice were when you sang at that Christmas service, how hard working you were during the tough moments of the church pilgrimage around the CBD. the marks we leave are supposed to be in the life of the people we touch with our ministry. how hearts were changed to know JC, how lives were led from despair into hope.
touching lives through our own life.
those are the footprints i want to leave in this life.
Lord help me.
xoxo
allie~
often we are trapped in the business of ministry that we forget the real passion of JC. and the same trap ensnared me for the past couple of months. increasing responsibilities and seemingly neverending religious activities drifted me away from the original purpose, until one of my respected senior helped me to straighten up again. think about this, you might seem like the busiest person in the whole church, but has everything that you've done, done any good for anyone?
quit being hypocrites with all our religious duties and start putting some heart into whatever we are doing. don't put JC to shame by saying we do things out of love for Him yet we do not act like it.
v.3. "you show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone, but on tablets of human hearts."
a true ministry will leave marks. and those marks are not the compliments you received on how good you were in leading worship, how beautiful your voice were when you sang at that Christmas service, how hard working you were during the tough moments of the church pilgrimage around the CBD. the marks we leave are supposed to be in the life of the people we touch with our ministry. how hearts were changed to know JC, how lives were led from despair into hope.
touching lives through our own life.
those are the footprints i want to leave in this life.
Lord help me.
xoxo
allie~
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
from facebook
1. What time did you get up this morning? 6.30, then realised there is no need to cook more rice for lunch
2. How do you like your steak? medium
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? the latest harry potter, been itching to watch public enemies, johnny depp is such a heart-throb
4. What is your favorite TV show? that ridiculous channel ten quiz, talking bout ur generation, oh it's on tonight!
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? melbourne
6. What did you have for breakfast? coffee
7. What is your favorite cuisine? japanese
8. What foods do you dislike? capsicum and olives
9. Favorite Place to Eat? back at home when the land is flowing with not only milk and honey but also semanggi, soto, sate, gudeg and the likes
10. Favorite dressing? i don't really eat salad
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? i don't drive either
12. What are your favorite clothes? dresses
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? japan
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? 1/2 full
15. Where would you want to retire? no idea, dude...
16. Favorite time of day? night time
17. Where were you born? surabaya
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? motoGP and formula 1
19. Who do you think will not tag you back? question invalid
20. Person you expect to tag you back first? question invalid
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? question invalid
22. Bird watcher? only in spring/summer/warm autumn days, in front of state library, while rolling on the grass drinking coffee and sunbathing, usually there are a lot of seagulls and doves, so... the answer is actually no
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? morning, i stop functioning around midnight
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? yes! we're back at Ballantyne!
26. What did you want to be when you were little? an archaeologist
27. What is your best childhood memory? climbing the mango tree in our backyard and playing with my puppies
28. Are you a cat or dog person? dog
29. Are you married? not yet
30. Always wear your seat belt? of course
31. Been in a car accident? no, and don't want to be in one
32. Any pet peeves? grammatical errors and misspellings
33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? mushrooms
34. Favorite Flower? roses
35. Favorite ice cream? green tea
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? if i have to choose... maccas
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? haven't even taken any
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? genpants
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? i'm quite the planner but i got the burst once in a while, the latest one would be going out for souvlaki a couple weeks ago, it wasn't planned, i just got home then went online then neighbour nudged me and asked if i wanna go out (again) but i said yes
41. Like your job? liking it so far
42. Broccoli? yum
43. What was your favorite vacation? laos 2007, it feels good to give
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? eln
45. What are you listening to right now? i remember by hopenfaith at youtube
46. What is your favorite color? black
47. How many tattoos do you have? zilch
48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? question invalid
49. What time did you finish this quiz? 6.12pm
50. Coffee drinker? chronic
2. How do you like your steak? medium
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? the latest harry potter, been itching to watch public enemies, johnny depp is such a heart-throb
4. What is your favorite TV show? that ridiculous channel ten quiz, talking bout ur generation, oh it's on tonight!
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? melbourne
6. What did you have for breakfast? coffee
7. What is your favorite cuisine? japanese
8. What foods do you dislike? capsicum and olives
9. Favorite Place to Eat? back at home when the land is flowing with not only milk and honey but also semanggi, soto, sate, gudeg and the likes
10. Favorite dressing? i don't really eat salad
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? i don't drive either
12. What are your favorite clothes? dresses
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? japan
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? 1/2 full
15. Where would you want to retire? no idea, dude...
16. Favorite time of day? night time
17. Where were you born? surabaya
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? motoGP and formula 1
19. Who do you think will not tag you back? question invalid
20. Person you expect to tag you back first? question invalid
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? question invalid
22. Bird watcher? only in spring/summer/warm autumn days, in front of state library, while rolling on the grass drinking coffee and sunbathing, usually there are a lot of seagulls and doves, so... the answer is actually no
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? morning, i stop functioning around midnight
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? yes! we're back at Ballantyne!
26. What did you want to be when you were little? an archaeologist
27. What is your best childhood memory? climbing the mango tree in our backyard and playing with my puppies
28. Are you a cat or dog person? dog
29. Are you married? not yet
30. Always wear your seat belt? of course
31. Been in a car accident? no, and don't want to be in one
32. Any pet peeves? grammatical errors and misspellings
33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? mushrooms
34. Favorite Flower? roses
35. Favorite ice cream? green tea
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? if i have to choose... maccas
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? haven't even taken any
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? genpants
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? i'm quite the planner but i got the burst once in a while, the latest one would be going out for souvlaki a couple weeks ago, it wasn't planned, i just got home then went online then neighbour nudged me and asked if i wanna go out (again) but i said yes
41. Like your job? liking it so far
42. Broccoli? yum
43. What was your favorite vacation? laos 2007, it feels good to give
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? eln
45. What are you listening to right now? i remember by hopenfaith at youtube
46. What is your favorite color? black
47. How many tattoos do you have? zilch
48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? question invalid
49. What time did you finish this quiz? 6.12pm
50. Coffee drinker? chronic
on understanding sacrifice
it crushes, it breaks your heart, yet you go ahead and say,
"Lord, it's Yours."
"Lord, it's Yours."
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Lord of lords
God has an uncanny timing. never early and never late. it was only two days ago i complained that ministry is getting too overwhelming. this month, there is no such thing as sitting in the "audience". there is always something to do every week. translating, singing, more translating, more singing, and to be honest my human mind thought that this is too much, that i need at least one week of break from ministry. there is still absolute joy in serving the Lord, however the sloth in me argued that i deserve rest. i was about to email each department heads for mercy, thank goodness i am a total procrastinator, i haven't gotten up to do it yet then i heard today's sermon. allie, there shouldn't be any bargaining or any limit in serving the Lord. it's not yours anyway, it's His. do what you can and even more, weekends and weekdays.
thank you Lord for the new understanding. You are the Lord of lords and the Lord over my life :)
Godbless y'all~
xoxo
allie
thank you Lord for the new understanding. You are the Lord of lords and the Lord over my life :)
Godbless y'all~
xoxo
allie
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
rustic beauty?
you do find beauty in weird places.
for example, i find train yards fascinating.
my 7.52 sydenham passes one every morning, the tottenham yard. usually i fell into some sort of semi-asleep semi-conscious state during morning rides (as well as in the arvo after a whole day of labour) therefore does not notice much of the silent slideshow of sceneries on the carriage window (comprised of mostly industrial buildings, which are boring in general). but one winter morning; one of those days when you came out of the house, you walk into a heavy fog and see nothing much ahead you feel like you live in a fantasy cloud country some thousand meters above the ground; i saw the most stunning view on that normally dull window pane. train yard in a sea of mist. rusty cargo carriages, with peeling coat of paint, artfully yet inappropriately tainted with graffities, lined up in layers, covered by thin fog that gets thicker and thicker and thicker the further you look, until you can see nothing but blurry whiteness. there's this sense of desertion and it gave out an eerie vibe, absolutely stunning in a Tim Burton way (i hope you get what i mean).
and since then i dreamed of capturing such view.
next winter maybe? there's no more fog now.
for example, i find train yards fascinating.
my 7.52 sydenham passes one every morning, the tottenham yard. usually i fell into some sort of semi-asleep semi-conscious state during morning rides (as well as in the arvo after a whole day of labour) therefore does not notice much of the silent slideshow of sceneries on the carriage window (comprised of mostly industrial buildings, which are boring in general). but one winter morning; one of those days when you came out of the house, you walk into a heavy fog and see nothing much ahead you feel like you live in a fantasy cloud country some thousand meters above the ground; i saw the most stunning view on that normally dull window pane. train yard in a sea of mist. rusty cargo carriages, with peeling coat of paint, artfully yet inappropriately tainted with graffities, lined up in layers, covered by thin fog that gets thicker and thicker and thicker the further you look, until you can see nothing but blurry whiteness. there's this sense of desertion and it gave out an eerie vibe, absolutely stunning in a Tim Burton way (i hope you get what i mean).
and since then i dreamed of capturing such view.
next winter maybe? there's no more fog now.
Monday, July 27, 2009
all by grace
today started off as a regular monday, slow. most of you know how it feels to start work again on monday after a weekend that always feels too short. had a sook patient, otherwise the day went well. somehow i felt so tired, maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the exhaustion from the past three days, i was so drained till i planned to "fall asleep" in the prayer tower (yes, my mind is a dangerous thing full of such naughty thoughts).
yet, as usual, the more tired i am before every prayer tower, the more blessed i feel, the more refreshed i am.
and i was really blessed by Ko Albert's sharing. the Word was from Matthew 25:14-30, the parable of the servants that were trusted varying amount of talents by their Master. a very familiar story. the question that gave a fresh perspective to it is this:
is there joy in your serving the Lord?
crudely put...
do you feel happy doing all this voluntary charity work that sometimes drain more of your energy than your real-life full-time job?
i thank God, i still do :)
i love working my ass off for the Lord just because i love Him.
and it's all by grace.
"but by the grace of God i am what i am,
and His grace to me was not without effect.
no - i worked harder than all of them,
yet not i, but the grace of God that was with me"
(the verse i live by~)
goodnight Godbless
xoxo
allie~
yet, as usual, the more tired i am before every prayer tower, the more blessed i feel, the more refreshed i am.
and i was really blessed by Ko Albert's sharing. the Word was from Matthew 25:14-30, the parable of the servants that were trusted varying amount of talents by their Master. a very familiar story. the question that gave a fresh perspective to it is this:
is there joy in your serving the Lord?
crudely put...
do you feel happy doing all this voluntary charity work that sometimes drain more of your energy than your real-life full-time job?
i thank God, i still do :)
i love working my ass off for the Lord just because i love Him.
and it's all by grace.
"but by the grace of God i am what i am,
and His grace to me was not without effect.
no - i worked harder than all of them,
yet not i, but the grace of God that was with me"
(the verse i live by~)
goodnight Godbless
xoxo
allie~
Saturday, July 25, 2009
this is your house (7)
i've no energy to write a proper post nor even to think about it.
anyways, we're finally home.
anyways, we're finally home.
Friday, July 24, 2009
this is your house (6)
home is where the heart is.
we are pilgrims in this world, homebound.
heaven bound.
live responsibly, so that one day when that time comes, He will say, "well done, my child, welcome home, this is your house"
p.s. i apologize for the lack of length and depth of this post. will fix it once this weekend pass.
we are pilgrims in this world, homebound.
heaven bound.
live responsibly, so that one day when that time comes, He will say, "well done, my child, welcome home, this is your house"
p.s. i apologize for the lack of length and depth of this post. will fix it once this weekend pass.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
this is Your house (5)
today we are revisiting an old topic.
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?
(1 Corinthians 6:19a)
it's quite self explanatory. when we believe and receive our salvation, we receive JC into our life, and we will be baptized with the Holy Spirit, who dwells in us and becomes our helper throughout our life in this world. thus, in that sense, we are the "housing" of the Holy Spirit, which essentially is part of God Trinity, the Lord Himself. therefore, when we say "this is Your house", it could also mean we give ourself for the Lord to live in.
when God is in us, He works through us, as long as we keep learning to surrender our will, our skills, our everything to Him. we will call ourselves God-fueled people, for He is the sole source of our strength.
this interpretation spoke the strongest to me, i feel like this is what He really wants me to learn. learn to surrender, learn to be humble, and learn to be dependent on Him. learn to be sensitive, learn to listen to the Holy Spirit within, learn to live lead by the Spirit. often the Holy Spirit got shunned away, and since He is a gentle spirit and i am a bull-headed person, i always win the tug-o-war between His will and my stubborness.
when i finally realised that all this while i have put God aside most of the time, this story came into my mind, and wow, it really scared the shit out of me.
"When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation."
(Matthew 12:43-45)
hypothetically speaking, this is not impossible to happen to anyone of us, so, i thought, how if i grieved the Holy Spirit and God really left me and my heart now is just an empty house, unoccupied and ready to receive a new tenant, or worse, seven new tenants? noooooooooo!!! the consequences are severe! and it's just gross imagining not only one but seven yucky evil spirit inside of me! i don't want to be like that and i believe neither do you.
anyway, we know what to do...
it's not too late to invite God in, He loves us and he is waiting for people who is willing to say:
"Lord, come in, for this is Your house"
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?
(1 Corinthians 6:19a)
it's quite self explanatory. when we believe and receive our salvation, we receive JC into our life, and we will be baptized with the Holy Spirit, who dwells in us and becomes our helper throughout our life in this world. thus, in that sense, we are the "housing" of the Holy Spirit, which essentially is part of God Trinity, the Lord Himself. therefore, when we say "this is Your house", it could also mean we give ourself for the Lord to live in.
when God is in us, He works through us, as long as we keep learning to surrender our will, our skills, our everything to Him. we will call ourselves God-fueled people, for He is the sole source of our strength.
this interpretation spoke the strongest to me, i feel like this is what He really wants me to learn. learn to surrender, learn to be humble, and learn to be dependent on Him. learn to be sensitive, learn to listen to the Holy Spirit within, learn to live lead by the Spirit. often the Holy Spirit got shunned away, and since He is a gentle spirit and i am a bull-headed person, i always win the tug-o-war between His will and my stubborness.
when i finally realised that all this while i have put God aside most of the time, this story came into my mind, and wow, it really scared the shit out of me.
"When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation."
(Matthew 12:43-45)
hypothetically speaking, this is not impossible to happen to anyone of us, so, i thought, how if i grieved the Holy Spirit and God really left me and my heart now is just an empty house, unoccupied and ready to receive a new tenant, or worse, seven new tenants? noooooooooo!!! the consequences are severe! and it's just gross imagining not only one but seven yucky evil spirit inside of me! i don't want to be like that and i believe neither do you.
anyway, we know what to do...
it's not too late to invite God in, He loves us and he is waiting for people who is willing to say:
"Lord, come in, for this is Your house"
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
this is your house (4)
i must warn you that this post will be rather personal. it won't be as biblical or as technical as the previous ones, more mortal thoughts than a study of the Word. i made the draft on my bed last night, intended it to fit the series as i planned it to be, but as i jotted down more and more words, i poured more and more of myself into this, it became rather emotional, especially when i looked back to my beginning 5 years ago. now i'm transferring it into the digital world, with a hope it will be a blessing.
ask yourself this question:
do you consider your church your home?
why or why not?
my answer would be yes. maybe it has something to do with being overseas, being without my family for seven years. being far from my original home, i yearn for a family-like community therefore it was definitely easier for me to relate to my church as one.
i joined carlton 1 in 2004, when a friend (who sadly left the cell group not long after i became a regular) invited me to come that one particular night. maybe it was some sort of escape at the beginning. sis was still back in indo enjoying the ridiculously fun high school days while i struggled here by myself, gotten lonely, didn't do much beside uni, so, rather than having nothing to do on friday nights, why not?
it changed me into who i am now. i fell in love with God, and with this church. this is the place i planted my feet on, the place i received all the teachings, the fellowship and the love i needed, the place i grew as a part of God's community. i came to love this place God put me in 5 years ago, from all the blessings i've received to all the clashes, disputes, struggles and disappointments. it was not always easy. let's be real, there is no such thing as a perfect church. sometimes people disappoints, sometimes i got disappointed at myself. but one thing for sure, God never does.
remember, you are the church. the church is not the building, it is the people. you, makes the church as a whole, as one, united. there is the need to have a sense of belonging as a church. for a tree to grow, it needs to be nurtured; for a church to grow, the people need to care.
this has been said repeatedly by a lot of people, let me just reiterate it. i think this is very important. do not be butterfly christians. why would you do church-hopping? it might entertain, but it will do no good to your growth. it's like putting a seed or maybe even a sapling in a patch of soil, then move it to another site the following day, and then move it again and again and again. do you think it will grow? no, it will die.
a church is not merely a building you visit for 2 hours every sunday, it is your home.
this is your house.
ask yourself this question:
do you consider your church your home?
why or why not?
my answer would be yes. maybe it has something to do with being overseas, being without my family for seven years. being far from my original home, i yearn for a family-like community therefore it was definitely easier for me to relate to my church as one.
i joined carlton 1 in 2004, when a friend (who sadly left the cell group not long after i became a regular) invited me to come that one particular night. maybe it was some sort of escape at the beginning. sis was still back in indo enjoying the ridiculously fun high school days while i struggled here by myself, gotten lonely, didn't do much beside uni, so, rather than having nothing to do on friday nights, why not?
it changed me into who i am now. i fell in love with God, and with this church. this is the place i planted my feet on, the place i received all the teachings, the fellowship and the love i needed, the place i grew as a part of God's community. i came to love this place God put me in 5 years ago, from all the blessings i've received to all the clashes, disputes, struggles and disappointments. it was not always easy. let's be real, there is no such thing as a perfect church. sometimes people disappoints, sometimes i got disappointed at myself. but one thing for sure, God never does.
remember, you are the church. the church is not the building, it is the people. you, makes the church as a whole, as one, united. there is the need to have a sense of belonging as a church. for a tree to grow, it needs to be nurtured; for a church to grow, the people need to care.
this has been said repeatedly by a lot of people, let me just reiterate it. i think this is very important. do not be butterfly christians. why would you do church-hopping? it might entertain, but it will do no good to your growth. it's like putting a seed or maybe even a sapling in a patch of soil, then move it to another site the following day, and then move it again and again and again. do you think it will grow? no, it will die.
a church is not merely a building you visit for 2 hours every sunday, it is your home.
this is your house.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
this is your house (3)
"But will God really dwell on earth with men? The heavens, even the highest heaven cannot contain You. How much less this temple I have built!
as i wrote yesterday, nothing can contain God. King Solomon knew that, thus instead of asking God to stay in the brand new luxury manor he just built then, he dedicated it to Him. and if we read in 2 Chronicles 6, his prayer went pretty much like this:
Yet give attention to Your servant's prayer and his plea for mercy, O Lord my God. Hear the cry and the prayer that your servant is praying in Your presence.
May Your eyes be open towards this temple day and night, this place of which You said You would put Your Name there. May You hear the prayer your servant prays toward this place."
(2 Chronicles 6:18-20)
the first thing i noticed from this passage was the striking resemblance between Solomon's vision for the temple He just built with the vision of our beloved BIC. both were meant to be a house of prayer. we know far too much about prayer than what we actually practice. borrowing Ci Irene's word, prayer is the breath of life for us Christians, without it, we die. enough said about prayer, let's go back to the phrase in question. we are to be not just a house of prayer, but a house of prayer for all nations. now... what does that mean?
as i penned down more drafts in my notebook on 7.52 sydenham this morning, i can't help but doubting myself. i know it would be a process, a long one it is, where God moulds and shapes each one of us into His likeness. looking at the current me, God, You have a lot work to do. i am a selfish brat, i have to admit that. there is no way you haven't heard about the recent Jakarta bombings. my homecountry was wounded in such a way and i felt... nothing. trapped in the convenience of living overseas made me forgot my roots. until i read this and i finally felt grief, both because of the incident and the realisation that i have never have the heart to even pray for my country. this is who i really am.
not even having a heart for my own country, how can i have the heart for all nations? it is difficult, isn't it, for us to escape from arrogance and self-righteousness, which eventually brings about exclusivity, us feeling so high and mighty and much better than the unrepented sinners out there.
when this condescending attitude creeps in, that is when we close our doors for nations.
i pray for continual shaping of the soul, for humility and the ability not only to acknowledge God's goodness and grace but to share through our lives. i pray for open hearts and open hands in this church, to accept and to care for others, to truly be a house of prayer for all nations.
this church will be where the lost and the lonely bring their burdens and their cares~
this is your house.
as i wrote yesterday, nothing can contain God. King Solomon knew that, thus instead of asking God to stay in the brand new luxury manor he just built then, he dedicated it to Him. and if we read in 2 Chronicles 6, his prayer went pretty much like this:
Yet give attention to Your servant's prayer and his plea for mercy, O Lord my God. Hear the cry and the prayer that your servant is praying in Your presence.
May Your eyes be open towards this temple day and night, this place of which You said You would put Your Name there. May You hear the prayer your servant prays toward this place."
(2 Chronicles 6:18-20)
the first thing i noticed from this passage was the striking resemblance between Solomon's vision for the temple He just built with the vision of our beloved BIC. both were meant to be a house of prayer. we know far too much about prayer than what we actually practice. borrowing Ci Irene's word, prayer is the breath of life for us Christians, without it, we die. enough said about prayer, let's go back to the phrase in question. we are to be not just a house of prayer, but a house of prayer for all nations. now... what does that mean?
as i penned down more drafts in my notebook on 7.52 sydenham this morning, i can't help but doubting myself. i know it would be a process, a long one it is, where God moulds and shapes each one of us into His likeness. looking at the current me, God, You have a lot work to do. i am a selfish brat, i have to admit that. there is no way you haven't heard about the recent Jakarta bombings. my homecountry was wounded in such a way and i felt... nothing. trapped in the convenience of living overseas made me forgot my roots. until i read this and i finally felt grief, both because of the incident and the realisation that i have never have the heart to even pray for my country. this is who i really am.
not even having a heart for my own country, how can i have the heart for all nations? it is difficult, isn't it, for us to escape from arrogance and self-righteousness, which eventually brings about exclusivity, us feeling so high and mighty and much better than the unrepented sinners out there.
when this condescending attitude creeps in, that is when we close our doors for nations.
i pray for continual shaping of the soul, for humility and the ability not only to acknowledge God's goodness and grace but to share through our lives. i pray for open hearts and open hands in this church, to accept and to care for others, to truly be a house of prayer for all nations.
this church will be where the lost and the lonely bring their burdens and their cares~
this is your house.
Monday, July 20, 2009
this is Your house (2)
We dedicate this temple to You Lord
Let Your glory fill this sanctuary
Be enthroned on the praises of Your people
Lord we agree, in unity.
This is Your house, Father come and dwell
This is Your house, a holy house of prayer
Where the lost and the lonely, bring their burdens and their cares
This is Your house, this is Your house, come and dwell.
Holy Spirit overflow this place
Decorate our walls with grace and mercy
Let healing and redemption, find searching souls
Lord have Your way, we humbly pray.
This is Your house, Father come and dwell
This is Your house, a holy house of prayer
Where the lost and the lonely, bring their burdens and their cares
This is Your house, this is Your house, come and dwell.
...
i have a lot of thoughts lately on this phrase, and God brought me from meanings to meanings during my moments of pondering. what comes into mind when one says, "This is your house"? this first post of this promised series is not actually the first thing God revealed few nights ago but then again what would be a better place to start than the song itself?
honestly, asking God to actually come and dwell in a place sounds a bit silly to me. God is omnipresent and is never limited to time nor space, yet we always pray and ask Him to "come and dwell", or "come and fill this place", when as a matter of fact He is already present with us. the Holy Spirit is within us the moment we invited Him in, and also, didn't He promised us Himself this?
"For where two or three come together in My Name, there am I with them"
(Matthew 18:20)
I believe He is even here in my crammy little mess of an apartment as i am typing this down at the very moment. KD said the other day how he was enlightened of this very matter of the omnipresence of God and there is no such thing really as entering His presence, which ironically we always sing about. yet another contradiction i failed to understand and chose to simply believe in.
if you ask me why sometimes the presence of the Lord feels like some kind of electrocution (often makes you shake :p), grand and overwhelming all possible senses, being me, i say, isn't it up to God? it's His sovereignty. that description fits more as the exhibition of God's glory just like when it came down to the temple Solomon built, where priests could not perform their tasks, Israelites knelt with their faces to the ground, could do nothing but worshipping and praising the Lord (2 Chronicles 7:1-3). and i daresay even such glory is probably only equivalent to God throwing a wink at us. imagine the full extent of such glory! unimaginable, isn't it?
anyway, if that is the case, why are we singing this song? what's the point asking if God's already here?
personally... i think it is more about the dedication, surrendering whatever it is we have, in this case, the temple aka our church building, to God. it's the same concept with child dedication, just like Hannah dedicated Samuel to God (thank you Kak Iwan for sharing this~). it is putting things into God's hand, for Him to use whichever way He likes, trusting Him, believing that He knows best what to do with it. otherwise our shiny new building will not be much different from other architecture, mere bricks and plaster and tiles. no God. no purpose. no life.
therefore, with God indwelling in the church (both literally and metaphorically), when amazing things happens, we know and people will see that it is God, not us, who made it happen. because it is His temple. it is His house. it is His.
Let Your glory fill this sanctuary~
Lord, this is Your house.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
this is your house (1)
sunday night, another weekend has turned into another brick in the memory lane. i hope the coming week pass by as quickly since we're finally coming back to ballantyne. nothing else excites me more in the past few weeks than this homecoming. the anticipation itself can get you high and excited for no reason. all the preparations felt kinda rushed, probably because we just can't wait to go back home. the choir practices were somehow pressurising, considering we daringly chose Handel's Hallelujah Chorus with only 2 months of weekly practice (madness!!). yet at the same time it has been so enjoyable, knowing everyone put all their best effort and heart into those grueling, vocally straining practice sessions. all by grace, isn't it? :p
two years of pilgrimage around melbourne CBD is finally going to end on saturday :D
therefore, my mini project for this occasion: i will post a daily series of my thoughts and feeling on this post's title phrase, which is also the very title of another song we're gonna sing at the church dedication.
This is Your House.
keep tuning in~
xoxo, allie
two years of pilgrimage around melbourne CBD is finally going to end on saturday :D
therefore, my mini project for this occasion: i will post a daily series of my thoughts and feeling on this post's title phrase, which is also the very title of another song we're gonna sing at the church dedication.
This is Your House.
keep tuning in~
xoxo, allie
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
silence is golden
sorethroat can be a bliss when God speaks and in the silence you listen.
we often talk too much and don't listen. i do.
we often talk too much and don't listen. i do.
Monday, July 13, 2009
...
today is the day of silence... not.
i have to work and thus the recovery of my vocal chords will have to be further delayed. oh joy, welcome sexy voice~
...
it wasn't a bad day at all. not many patients in the arvo, spending it with my nurse lisa and claire who was telling stories about this burlesque bar in the city. i didn't even know such place exists but at least i know how to spell it heehee~ it sounded like one of the places nienie might be interested in.
lovely day~~
not really if you look at the grey sky and listen to my still-hoarse-voice.
but nevertheless, lovely~
i have to work and thus the recovery of my vocal chords will have to be further delayed. oh joy, welcome sexy voice~
...
it wasn't a bad day at all. not many patients in the arvo, spending it with my nurse lisa and claire who was telling stories about this burlesque bar in the city. i didn't even know such place exists but at least i know how to spell it heehee~ it sounded like one of the places nienie might be interested in.
lovely day~~
not really if you look at the grey sky and listen to my still-hoarse-voice.
but nevertheless, lovely~
Thursday, July 9, 2009
quotebook
"Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling."
- Margaret B. Runbeck -
- Margaret B. Runbeck -
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
speak English or die
a bit harsh? i came across this phrase a while ago on a stranger’s tee at lookbook.nu and i found it real catchy. it’s cruel, intolerant and egocentric yet i sort of think there’s some truth in it, provided that you have been living in an English speaking country for seven years, like me. Aussie, and Melbourne CBD in particular, comprises of probably dozens or even hundreds of various nationalities, and of course a proportionally equally extensive amount of different languages. whether they are studying, working, surviving or merely existing in this gigantic melting pot, you would expect one who has lived for several good years overseas will have picked up the previously alien tongue by then, yet sadly it has not been the fact, at least in my community of origin which i know best: indos.
i have met hundreds and hundreds of indonesian in my years here, some have stayed longer than me, some shorter, however not many are good or fluent or confident with their English. the innocent me many years ago (before i actually stepped my foot down under) had always thought that whoever goes overseas to study must have good English by the time they’re done with their uni/college/whatever. no, allie, no! the general trend is medok-ness, stuttered conversations and messed up grammar being more prevalent than fluency. (medok = having a strong Javanese accent).
and i don’t really need to wonder why that is the case, now that i have experienced it for myself.
we indos, just like every other ethnic group, have a very tightly knit community. there is a considerable proportion of indonesian students in almost every course in every university in Melbourne (with a few exceptions like dentistry, of course). we have a strong tendency to cluster and befriend people of the same background. most indos i know hang out with other indos at uni as well as outside uni. thus, no wonder we suck at English coz we were never truly exposed to it. we listen, we understand yet we never grasp the beauty and the culture of the English language itself.
i considered myself fortunate not to have any other indo friend at uni beside the lovely Nelly, who was not even in the same group with me, resulting in me forcing myself to speak English all the time, which eventually did me good, having actually improved my pronunciation, vocabulary, fluency and my knowledge of Aussie slangs. i still have my accent, which is part of who i am. afterall, it's not about sounding like an Aussie, it's about embracing the unfamiliar.
it was not comfortable at first. it was scary and intimidating, but you know what? sometimes the anticipation is much worse than the real thing. after a while, it was not too bad at all. and i fell in love with the English language.
this exclusiveness and complacency is mainly because we are often scared of stepping out of our comfort zone, hence we ended up living in a bubble and stay the same until we die. what a waste! there is a great world of opportunity out there if only we burst the bubble open and take a walk. we learn new things, we grow, we become better and wiser each day. it hurts sometimes, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, eh?
it got me thinking... walking with God is a similar experience. at times God calls us to come out and take a walk with Him but we are too scared of what is out there, we said “no, thank you, i’m alright here.” how silly of us!
don't you know God never asks us to do something He knows we cannot handle and all the while we were walking He would be by our side to catch us when we slip and fall?
step out, friend.
and, mate, speak English, it's Oz.
i have met hundreds and hundreds of indonesian in my years here, some have stayed longer than me, some shorter, however not many are good or fluent or confident with their English. the innocent me many years ago (before i actually stepped my foot down under) had always thought that whoever goes overseas to study must have good English by the time they’re done with their uni/college/whatever. no, allie, no! the general trend is medok-ness, stuttered conversations and messed up grammar being more prevalent than fluency. (medok = having a strong Javanese accent).
and i don’t really need to wonder why that is the case, now that i have experienced it for myself.
we indos, just like every other ethnic group, have a very tightly knit community. there is a considerable proportion of indonesian students in almost every course in every university in Melbourne (with a few exceptions like dentistry, of course). we have a strong tendency to cluster and befriend people of the same background. most indos i know hang out with other indos at uni as well as outside uni. thus, no wonder we suck at English coz we were never truly exposed to it. we listen, we understand yet we never grasp the beauty and the culture of the English language itself.
i considered myself fortunate not to have any other indo friend at uni beside the lovely Nelly, who was not even in the same group with me, resulting in me forcing myself to speak English all the time, which eventually did me good, having actually improved my pronunciation, vocabulary, fluency and my knowledge of Aussie slangs. i still have my accent, which is part of who i am. afterall, it's not about sounding like an Aussie, it's about embracing the unfamiliar.
it was not comfortable at first. it was scary and intimidating, but you know what? sometimes the anticipation is much worse than the real thing. after a while, it was not too bad at all. and i fell in love with the English language.
this exclusiveness and complacency is mainly because we are often scared of stepping out of our comfort zone, hence we ended up living in a bubble and stay the same until we die. what a waste! there is a great world of opportunity out there if only we burst the bubble open and take a walk. we learn new things, we grow, we become better and wiser each day. it hurts sometimes, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, eh?
it got me thinking... walking with God is a similar experience. at times God calls us to come out and take a walk with Him but we are too scared of what is out there, we said “no, thank you, i’m alright here.” how silly of us!
don't you know God never asks us to do something He knows we cannot handle and all the while we were walking He would be by our side to catch us when we slip and fall?
step out, friend.
and, mate, speak English, it's Oz.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
the living water
hey, just got back from winter camp, touched. and learned so much. and as always, He knows best what everyone of us needs at the very moment, and i am no exception to that fact.
i came to this camp, with a great expectation, coz i know i need Him desperately at this point of life. if you log back about a week ago, i blatantly wrote i was not too happy, for a lot of different reasons. i was holding far too many buckets, thinking that those will quench my thirst, those will satisfy. but did they?
no.
things still just won’t feel right.
i felt too busy, i started to grumble.
being a part of the committee, i have so many other things to prepare and worry about than whether i have packed enough change socks and ensuring i have my toothbrush with me. most of the time during the sessions, i practically sat at the corner with the sound system boys, being the only translator who’s actually gone to the camp. there were actually two more in the committee who would be able to share the load but they were unable to leave work to attend :( thank God, some beautiful souls offered their help and guys, you know who you are, i sincerely thank you.
that’s not all. praise and worship resources in this year’s camp is rather limited, too, so the choir members were promoted to singers and some singers tasted their first worship leading experience in the past 3 days :) all available resources were being made full use of to their best potential. okay, so that’s 2 sessions of vocal gymnastic for me, as if i have not exerted my vocal chord enough repeating all the preachers’ words.
ah, but there’s more! first aid. well, i am not really a medic, i’m a dentist in real life, but i am the only other person beside the equally busy miss Lois who has the first aid cert. so there we were, running back and forth from dining hall/function room, visiting our patient, sending food, paracetamol and prayers straight to the room.
honestly, imo everyone in the committee is in the same boat. everyone works real hard, stretched to our limits, and yet we also want something from the Lord. i still remember Devina’s message in our last meeting, that we should not overworked ourselves to the point we cannot enjoy God. things might not run smoothly, just let it go and let God works. i left for the camp with that spirit in my heart. i want you, Lord!
as for what God revealed in the camp, it will take a book to jot down all God’s goodness into words during these mere 3 days, so i’ll go straight to the feast.
the feast?
yes, God’s feast in the second night. as how it normally goes in a bible camp, the second night is the loudest and the commonly accepted as the climax of the camp (although i personally believe God does not work according to our schedule like that). after the sermon, Ps Frengky told us what God put in his heart. God will make a feast, where we will be drunk in the Spirit (whoa, so Holy Spirit makes you drunk too, not just spirits like gin and bourbon)
"wow, that sounds so cool", i thought, "okay, i want to see your work, Lord", and quietly, in my heart i said, "Lord, i want to know how it feels to experience holy laughter", very quietly in a manner of a child requesting something dotingly to her parent. i purposedly fell down to my knees and started to worship, then it comes, both at once, the laughter and the tears. whoa! isn't He good? i made a selfish request and He gave it to me! now that i am conscious enough to think about it, i think that is what He wanted me to understand. if you want to be happy, delight yourself in Me, for I will give you true joy. i couldn’t stop laughing, all the while tears streaming down from my eyes. must have looked like i’ve gone insane then coz i noticed the people at the band side of the room started to look at me with “that” look.
then, everyone else started to manifest as well. laughter, weeping, screams, dances and exclamations of adorations filled the room. i’ve never seen anything like that but i can tell by the look of it that it was not a simple fulfilment of the Spirit. it literally resembled a feast!
however, let’s not focus on the laughing and crying part. as the pastor said repeatedly in this camp, how he learned over the years that the manifestations are not the main point, the most important thing is our decision in front of the Lord to change. how the experience with God can be life changing.
mr neighbour asked me afterwards how i feel when i had my fits of laughter. i said, well, it’s physically tiring, my stomach and jaw felt like cramping, but inside, i felt that spring of living water really welled up. i felt joy. i felt peace. and i felt love, a love so great i can’t help going to people and pray for them simply saying God loves you. at that point i felt "this is it, why can't i feel this all the time...?" as i write this down, i don’t feel the overwhelming emotions anymore yet i remember that feeling, that little dip into heaven. i will hold it dear in my heart, that is the taste of how much God loves me. now you know, allie, don’t you dare forget this!
i’ve forgotten about my buckets, i’ve forgotten how i could get so unhappy that now i know the source of that peace and joy is within me.
delight yourself in the LORD
and He will give you the desires of your heart.
- Psalm 37:4 -
i came to this camp, with a great expectation, coz i know i need Him desperately at this point of life. if you log back about a week ago, i blatantly wrote i was not too happy, for a lot of different reasons. i was holding far too many buckets, thinking that those will quench my thirst, those will satisfy. but did they?
no.
things still just won’t feel right.
i felt too busy, i started to grumble.
being a part of the committee, i have so many other things to prepare and worry about than whether i have packed enough change socks and ensuring i have my toothbrush with me. most of the time during the sessions, i practically sat at the corner with the sound system boys, being the only translator who’s actually gone to the camp. there were actually two more in the committee who would be able to share the load but they were unable to leave work to attend :( thank God, some beautiful souls offered their help and guys, you know who you are, i sincerely thank you.
that’s not all. praise and worship resources in this year’s camp is rather limited, too, so the choir members were promoted to singers and some singers tasted their first worship leading experience in the past 3 days :) all available resources were being made full use of to their best potential. okay, so that’s 2 sessions of vocal gymnastic for me, as if i have not exerted my vocal chord enough repeating all the preachers’ words.
ah, but there’s more! first aid. well, i am not really a medic, i’m a dentist in real life, but i am the only other person beside the equally busy miss Lois who has the first aid cert. so there we were, running back and forth from dining hall/function room, visiting our patient, sending food, paracetamol and prayers straight to the room.
honestly, imo everyone in the committee is in the same boat. everyone works real hard, stretched to our limits, and yet we also want something from the Lord. i still remember Devina’s message in our last meeting, that we should not overworked ourselves to the point we cannot enjoy God. things might not run smoothly, just let it go and let God works. i left for the camp with that spirit in my heart. i want you, Lord!
as for what God revealed in the camp, it will take a book to jot down all God’s goodness into words during these mere 3 days, so i’ll go straight to the feast.
the feast?
yes, God’s feast in the second night. as how it normally goes in a bible camp, the second night is the loudest and the commonly accepted as the climax of the camp (although i personally believe God does not work according to our schedule like that). after the sermon, Ps Frengky told us what God put in his heart. God will make a feast, where we will be drunk in the Spirit (whoa, so Holy Spirit makes you drunk too, not just spirits like gin and bourbon)
"wow, that sounds so cool", i thought, "okay, i want to see your work, Lord", and quietly, in my heart i said, "Lord, i want to know how it feels to experience holy laughter", very quietly in a manner of a child requesting something dotingly to her parent. i purposedly fell down to my knees and started to worship, then it comes, both at once, the laughter and the tears. whoa! isn't He good? i made a selfish request and He gave it to me! now that i am conscious enough to think about it, i think that is what He wanted me to understand. if you want to be happy, delight yourself in Me, for I will give you true joy. i couldn’t stop laughing, all the while tears streaming down from my eyes. must have looked like i’ve gone insane then coz i noticed the people at the band side of the room started to look at me with “that” look.
then, everyone else started to manifest as well. laughter, weeping, screams, dances and exclamations of adorations filled the room. i’ve never seen anything like that but i can tell by the look of it that it was not a simple fulfilment of the Spirit. it literally resembled a feast!
however, let’s not focus on the laughing and crying part. as the pastor said repeatedly in this camp, how he learned over the years that the manifestations are not the main point, the most important thing is our decision in front of the Lord to change. how the experience with God can be life changing.
mr neighbour asked me afterwards how i feel when i had my fits of laughter. i said, well, it’s physically tiring, my stomach and jaw felt like cramping, but inside, i felt that spring of living water really welled up. i felt joy. i felt peace. and i felt love, a love so great i can’t help going to people and pray for them simply saying God loves you. at that point i felt "this is it, why can't i feel this all the time...?" as i write this down, i don’t feel the overwhelming emotions anymore yet i remember that feeling, that little dip into heaven. i will hold it dear in my heart, that is the taste of how much God loves me. now you know, allie, don’t you dare forget this!
i’ve forgotten about my buckets, i’ve forgotten how i could get so unhappy that now i know the source of that peace and joy is within me.
delight yourself in the LORD
and He will give you the desires of your heart.
- Psalm 37:4 -
Monday, June 29, 2009
back to work
i took half of thursday and friday off from work, coz i was genuinely sick. then came along saturday and sunday, and when it just started to feel like holiday, it's monday again!
i half dragged my bum out of bed today and boarded the train semi-grudgingly, did not feel like working at all. but guess what? when i got my hands on the probe again, things suddenly felt right.
i'm glad i love my job.
i half dragged my bum out of bed today and boarded the train semi-grudgingly, did not feel like working at all. but guess what? when i got my hands on the probe again, things suddenly felt right.
i'm glad i love my job.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
coughs and sneezes
cold saturday morning, i am sick and so is my sister. funny, how a sick person should have rested as much as one can, i feel energized and wanting to do something beside snuggling in bed with double blanket, just like my sis is doing at the very minute i am typing. nose is still blocked, throat still itches, yet i feel invigorated. bless you, allie!
yeah, so that is why i sneaked out to my desk to ramble.
i haven't been too happy lately.
...
*long pause*
i am thinking hard how to put this so i will not offend anyone. it's a mish-mash of so many things happening in life, that will be difficult to explain properly without revealing too much. basically, human disappoints. God doesn't. and i am fully aware of that fact. that is why i keep on going. and it is not just me who feels the same. life has its own burden for each and every one of us. what to do? have faith and put your hope in the unshakable.
4 days to the Living Water.
expecting something greater than great.
yeah, so that is why i sneaked out to my desk to ramble.
i haven't been too happy lately.
...
*long pause*
i am thinking hard how to put this so i will not offend anyone. it's a mish-mash of so many things happening in life, that will be difficult to explain properly without revealing too much. basically, human disappoints. God doesn't. and i am fully aware of that fact. that is why i keep on going. and it is not just me who feels the same. life has its own burden for each and every one of us. what to do? have faith and put your hope in the unshakable.
4 days to the Living Water.
expecting something greater than great.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
don't judge
i find it hard sometimes not to have my own perception of one's personality and character. just because the way one presents him/herself on the outside, i tend to form my own imaginary version of that person, especially if i have not known that person well enough. and usually, this criticism of one's person eventually leads to judgment, starting from silly things like hairstyle and clothing, to more non-superficial materials like attitude and personality, or even some fabricated goss about some certain skeleton in one's closet, all out of mere perception and opinion.
do not judge a book by its cover. damn cliche, yet so true. in reality, hardly practiced. nobody is perfect, we all have our wrongs and errs and weaknesses in this wretched human body, which we supposedly ought to have surrendered to JC to be conformed into His likeness, but, oh how grandly we fail each time. we all like to be accepted yet so hard to accept others.
1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye
(Matthew 7:1-5)
living in grace, i thought we would be able to do it. not to judge, not to measure someone with our own measuring cup, thus able to offer sincere acceptance to anyone. as sinners who have been completely forgiven and not even condemned, shouldn't it be effortless for us to do the same for others? last night KoTed shared in FA, the more we comprehend God's grace, the more we should be grateful for it, the more we will be changed from the inside.
from the heart.
the reason we have been the way we are, ungrateful and unappreciative of our redeemed life is simply this! we do not fully fathom the depth, breadth, width, the enormity of God's love, mercy and grace for us. hence we still act the way we act: cranky, unforgiving and judgmental.
take this parable for example.
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy–seven times.
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 “The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant's master took pity on him, cancelled the debt and let him go.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. (that is, a few dollars) He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’
30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”
(Matthew 18:21-35)
that represents us, sometimes... well, most of the time. we have received salvation, we have been saved, we go to church every Sunday and it makes us feel we're much better than all the other people out there. pride is such a cardinal sin. yet, did JC not say, "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven"? and true to His Word, JC never did. otherwise, how can such teacher who rebukes sin and cast away demons become so attractive for sinners who have committed evil things?
i've never seen JC's face in physical sense but i can assure you it is full of compassion, forgiveness and acceptance.
they don't see condemning eyes nor judgmental stare. they see love in Him. JC is an absolute magnet for those people consider the filthiest members of society, with a circle of friends that includes the likes of Mary Magdalene and Zacchaeus. JC is the face of compassion and acceptance, and i often get pissed at myself not to be able to pull off even a tenth of such compassion, but hey, i am not gonna stop just there. i will pick myself up again and keep trying, because i believe that this is what He has for me in store.
to be like Him.
and where do i start?
don't judge.
do not judge a book by its cover. damn cliche, yet so true. in reality, hardly practiced. nobody is perfect, we all have our wrongs and errs and weaknesses in this wretched human body, which we supposedly ought to have surrendered to JC to be conformed into His likeness, but, oh how grandly we fail each time. we all like to be accepted yet so hard to accept others.
1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye
(Matthew 7:1-5)
living in grace, i thought we would be able to do it. not to judge, not to measure someone with our own measuring cup, thus able to offer sincere acceptance to anyone. as sinners who have been completely forgiven and not even condemned, shouldn't it be effortless for us to do the same for others? last night KoTed shared in FA, the more we comprehend God's grace, the more we should be grateful for it, the more we will be changed from the inside.
from the heart.
the reason we have been the way we are, ungrateful and unappreciative of our redeemed life is simply this! we do not fully fathom the depth, breadth, width, the enormity of God's love, mercy and grace for us. hence we still act the way we act: cranky, unforgiving and judgmental.
take this parable for example.
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy–seven times.
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 “The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant's master took pity on him, cancelled the debt and let him go.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. (that is, a few dollars) He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’
30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”
(Matthew 18:21-35)
that represents us, sometimes... well, most of the time. we have received salvation, we have been saved, we go to church every Sunday and it makes us feel we're much better than all the other people out there. pride is such a cardinal sin. yet, did JC not say, "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven"? and true to His Word, JC never did. otherwise, how can such teacher who rebukes sin and cast away demons become so attractive for sinners who have committed evil things?
i've never seen JC's face in physical sense but i can assure you it is full of compassion, forgiveness and acceptance.
they don't see condemning eyes nor judgmental stare. they see love in Him. JC is an absolute magnet for those people consider the filthiest members of society, with a circle of friends that includes the likes of Mary Magdalene and Zacchaeus. JC is the face of compassion and acceptance, and i often get pissed at myself not to be able to pull off even a tenth of such compassion, but hey, i am not gonna stop just there. i will pick myself up again and keep trying, because i believe that this is what He has for me in store.
to be like Him.
and where do i start?
don't judge.
Friday, June 12, 2009
lunchbreak
howdy!
how's everyone enjoying the chill?
i reacted violently to the shocking drop in temperature. runny nose and perpetual sneezing. it's no fun trying to work with your nose going wild underneath your mask. at first i thought it was cardboard dust and the general mess in my living room that triggered it, but no, i concluded that it is the cold.
picked up mere christianity again after long abandoning it for "more interesting" fictions, although i always ended up fallen asleep with it in my lap since i'd only start reading at 11.30pm. but anyhow, do you know that a good reading can encourage you? for example, this article. it's kind lengthy but i assure you, it's very much worth reading. it struck a lot of chords within me, the exact things i have been struggling with, my tug-o-war with God. i am just so glad He is winning most of the time :p
and... i kinda enjoyed the train ride with John Piper this morning. should do it more often :) neighbour!!! share more! i want...
*sorry... random... but not much time to think here...
almost time to go back to work
have a good weekend people~
how's everyone enjoying the chill?
i reacted violently to the shocking drop in temperature. runny nose and perpetual sneezing. it's no fun trying to work with your nose going wild underneath your mask. at first i thought it was cardboard dust and the general mess in my living room that triggered it, but no, i concluded that it is the cold.
picked up mere christianity again after long abandoning it for "more interesting" fictions, although i always ended up fallen asleep with it in my lap since i'd only start reading at 11.30pm. but anyhow, do you know that a good reading can encourage you? for example, this article. it's kind lengthy but i assure you, it's very much worth reading. it struck a lot of chords within me, the exact things i have been struggling with, my tug-o-war with God. i am just so glad He is winning most of the time :p
and... i kinda enjoyed the train ride with John Piper this morning. should do it more often :) neighbour!!! share more! i want...
*sorry... random... but not much time to think here...
almost time to go back to work
have a good weekend people~
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
wilde night
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much"
---
Oscar Wilde
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy–seven times
---
(Matthew 18:21-22)
"You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.’
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."
---
(Matthew 5:43)
i really had no idea why i started to type that quote about forgiveness. i've just finished one of Wilde's book and i was casually browsing out of curiousity for the controversial author, i stumbled upon a collection of his famous quotes and somehow this one stood out amongst almost a hundred others. why? dunno. i don't think i hold any grudges against anyone at the moment. that was loooong ago. forgiveness released, over and done with.
then i remembered that night driving home from st kilda with the boys - yes, we out of boredom and insanity went to the beach on a cold winter, well, autumn night, engaging ourselves in an ultra-serious conversation about the future, unimaginable to those who know perfectly well our usually silly selves - when one said to the other "you should learn to forgive YOURSELF".
maybe that is what i should do. stop blaming myself for whatever went wrong. stop holding myself responsible for the mess. stop thinking i'm not good enough. those have worn me out. no wonder i felt so tired lately. dammit allie! learn to surrender, will you? God is able.
forgive. and love.
---
Oscar Wilde
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy–seven times
---
(Matthew 18:21-22)
"You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.’
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."
---
(Matthew 5:43)
i really had no idea why i started to type that quote about forgiveness. i've just finished one of Wilde's book and i was casually browsing out of curiousity for the controversial author, i stumbled upon a collection of his famous quotes and somehow this one stood out amongst almost a hundred others. why? dunno. i don't think i hold any grudges against anyone at the moment. that was loooong ago. forgiveness released, over and done with.
then i remembered that night driving home from st kilda with the boys - yes, we out of boredom and insanity went to the beach on a cold winter, well, autumn night, engaging ourselves in an ultra-serious conversation about the future, unimaginable to those who know perfectly well our usually silly selves - when one said to the other "you should learn to forgive YOURSELF".
maybe that is what i should do. stop blaming myself for whatever went wrong. stop holding myself responsible for the mess. stop thinking i'm not good enough. those have worn me out. no wonder i felt so tired lately. dammit allie! learn to surrender, will you? God is able.
forgive. and love.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
pitter patter
it rained for a bit in the afternoon. i did not even realized it until i stepped out of ISIS into damp pavement. the air has a whiff of wet soil which to me smells like life (refer to Stravinsky's Firebird Suite in Fantasia 2000 and you'll understand why). absorbed in my current literature adventure. six chapters into Dorian Gray and already i feel disturbed. fear, fear of the humankind, of how twisted and corrupt one's soul could be. another good train read.
it rained again not long after. made up my mind to stay home tonight, decided to get involved in the cardboard fiasco which must turn into a working model of some imaginary contraption sis has designed, by TOMORROW. will be burning candle on both ends.
off to 7/11. V awaits.
it rained again not long after. made up my mind to stay home tonight, decided to get involved in the cardboard fiasco which must turn into a working model of some imaginary contraption sis has designed, by TOMORROW. will be burning candle on both ends.
off to 7/11. V awaits.
Friday, May 22, 2009
counting my blessings
i feel old.
bleh.
nyeh.
took a shower after the friday amazing with a bunch of slightly younger generation, listening to sis complaining (again) about her pedantic and domineering lecturer, feeling fresh and almost ready to bed. house is a total mess. dishes. cardboards. dirty laundry. unironed clothes. a distressed sister with the most ridiculous hairstyle you will never get to witness in any other circumstances. life's a bit of a messy one at the moment. tired. needing a massage. envy those brimbank ladies who presently are probably getting intoxicated and going feral, not of the booze, no, but the massage each and every one of them will have tomorrow morning. daylesford spa. hmmm.
tis not time to complain, eh?
...
it is time to be grateful.
for life, for being able to breathe with no difficulty at all, without even have to think about it. for health, for still being sustained under this much activities and pressure. for home, for the good night rest, for having a comfy bed and warm doonas to snuggle in. for family, for the sincere TLC and unconditional support. for friends, the chocolate chips in my cookie. for a wonderful full-time job, crazy yet nurturing colleagues and nurses. for a great night, for crossing paths with new friends. for all the people who have and will impact my life in one way or another. for my beloved family altar. for little matthew :) for the opportunity yet to witness more of His goodness.
the list goes on and on.
aren't we so loved?
*off to bed*
goodnight~
xoxo,
allie
bleh.
nyeh.
took a shower after the friday amazing with a bunch of slightly younger generation, listening to sis complaining (again) about her pedantic and domineering lecturer, feeling fresh and almost ready to bed. house is a total mess. dishes. cardboards. dirty laundry. unironed clothes. a distressed sister with the most ridiculous hairstyle you will never get to witness in any other circumstances. life's a bit of a messy one at the moment. tired. needing a massage. envy those brimbank ladies who presently are probably getting intoxicated and going feral, not of the booze, no, but the massage each and every one of them will have tomorrow morning. daylesford spa. hmmm.
tis not time to complain, eh?
...
it is time to be grateful.
for life, for being able to breathe with no difficulty at all, without even have to think about it. for health, for still being sustained under this much activities and pressure. for home, for the good night rest, for having a comfy bed and warm doonas to snuggle in. for family, for the sincere TLC and unconditional support. for friends, the chocolate chips in my cookie. for a wonderful full-time job, crazy yet nurturing colleagues and nurses. for a great night, for crossing paths with new friends. for all the people who have and will impact my life in one way or another. for my beloved family altar. for little matthew :) for the opportunity yet to witness more of His goodness.
the list goes on and on.
aren't we so loved?
*off to bed*
goodnight~
xoxo,
allie
Saturday, May 16, 2009
eeew
ripped from MX, Friday May 15 2009. 1% of the surveyed population does not bother to brush their teeth. that is gross...
Thursday, May 14, 2009
one of the better scents of life
i love the smell of newly cut grass. odd enough but i do. i walked pass a newly trimmed soccer field to work today and it smelled just glorious.
it's going to be a great day!
it's going to be a great day!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
'tis time to be visually entertained
"Don't you know that love isn't just going to bed? Love isn't an act, it's a whole life. It's staying with her now because she needs you; it's knowing you and she will still care about each other when sex and daydreams, fights and futures -- when all that's on the shelf and done with. Love -- why, I'll tell you what love is: it's you at seventy-five and her at seventy-one, each of you listening for the other's step in the next room, each afraid that a sudden silence, a sudden cry, could mean a lifetime's talk is over."
— Brian Moore
fffound it 6 minutes ago.
here are some other ffffinds~
aren't they cute?
omg i just realized the snapshots collection which is suppose to be visual are all in the form of writing! unconscious reflection of the word-freak inside.
Friday, May 8, 2009
hope and faith
it's not just me. everyone has their own stresses and problems.
blessed night with loved companies.
thank you for sharing~
...
btw, some good among all this mess:
has officially become a permanent resident of Australia :)
blessed night with loved companies.
thank you for sharing~
...
btw, some good among all this mess:
has officially become a permanent resident of Australia :)
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
so you know, i struggled
"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
i have not been able to write these past few weeks. i was put off by the theme for the upcoming month articles: prayer. "great..." sighed little me. my least favourite subject in God's little school of faith. the more i tried to think of something, the emptier my head gets. so, on the due date, i ended up facing a blank document and a huge cloud of disappointment that hung above my head for weeks. i felt dumb, numb, and rather upset with myself for not having a strong enough prayer life to produce something out of it which will encourage and bless other people, yet did nothing about it.
...until i came to understand what Hebrews 4:16 means.
it's like putting together pieces of jigsaw puzzle - random observations and thoughts that scattered throughout my minutes, hours, days, weeks - into a complete comprehension.
Let us then approach...
we prayed. we prayed. we prayed. and we prayed. and we kept praying while God never once replied audibly, or at least, present Himself tangibly? suddenly with all the nothingness that happened, the activity felt tedious. only when thing happens out of the ordinary, we get excited and said "God was here".
the bane of pentecostal church. we are a fool to think that the presence of God is limited to the manifested version we often pursue so fervently we forget our initial intention to seek Him. it is not the intense emotion or the shivers down your spine. God is omnipresent. all He asks is for us to come with faith and that is when we will find Him.
then one will say, "i know i must come to God, but i've sinned too much and my faith is so small i am embarrassed to come with just these. maybe i should just hide myself in that corner and disappear. i must have been such an eyesore and with what i have, there is no way i have the confidence to even edge an inch closer."
this is a crude representation of what most of us would have felt at a certain point of time, during that deepest dip in our valleys of death. often we are afraid to come to the Lord. we fear that we are too dirty, too unworthy to be accepted in His Holiness. but i learned this liberating fact that JC washed all my sins away on Calvary and there is no more condemnation in Him. the veil has been torn and He made it possible for us to be reconciled with our heavenly Father. through Him and Him alone.
hence, maybe we have low self-esteem, does not matter much as long as we have high-Christ esteem. (PCT, 2009) :D
so, why do we approach this magnificent throne of grace? obviously, to receive mercy and find grace. thus the name, isn't it? :)
here, i have some bits to share. i hate being repetitious but i can't help it this time. you never know what you have until you lose it. i have been sick for the past two weeks, falling in and out of an inconsistent bout of flu, exhibiting various symptoms each time: severe headache two sundays ago, that extended into a sickie on the following monday, felt better, back to the drills and grumpy patients, then started sneezing nonstop during the whole friday afternoon, my patients might have thought their dentist had the swine flu, they rushed out of the surgery as soon as we're finished. i was naughty and stayed up late on the weekends, resulting in a bad sorethroat and, literally, saturday night [in bed with] fever. those two weeks, i skipped three prayer meetings.
i used to pride myself in being consistent. when i put myself to do something, i do it wholeheartedly, seriously and consistently, which principle is also applicable to my Christian life. i never want to do anything out of a burden, so when i commit myself to one particular responsibility, i make sure this is what i want to do and i will see it through to the end. i never missed prayer meetings in a row until last week. at first i felt bad, then i felt down, then i felt nothing. praying became difficult for apparent reasons i know yet i did not want to admit.
wednesday evening, i decided "this has to stop". gathered every ounce of whatever courage left, i knelt down with resolve and simply prayed, "God help me", and did, He help me. mercy and grace flowed down and i found Him. and boy, i missed Him! it's an old flame rekindled, burns brighter than ever. i lost the joy of His fellowship. thus, when it was found, it became clearer that it is the most beautiful thing in the world. never again i am letting go.
seek and you will find.
seek Him and you will find Him.
love, allie~
i have not been able to write these past few weeks. i was put off by the theme for the upcoming month articles: prayer. "great..." sighed little me. my least favourite subject in God's little school of faith. the more i tried to think of something, the emptier my head gets. so, on the due date, i ended up facing a blank document and a huge cloud of disappointment that hung above my head for weeks. i felt dumb, numb, and rather upset with myself for not having a strong enough prayer life to produce something out of it which will encourage and bless other people, yet did nothing about it.
...until i came to understand what Hebrews 4:16 means.
it's like putting together pieces of jigsaw puzzle - random observations and thoughts that scattered throughout my minutes, hours, days, weeks - into a complete comprehension.
Let us then approach...
we prayed. we prayed. we prayed. and we prayed. and we kept praying while God never once replied audibly, or at least, present Himself tangibly? suddenly with all the nothingness that happened, the activity felt tedious. only when thing happens out of the ordinary, we get excited and said "God was here".
the bane of pentecostal church. we are a fool to think that the presence of God is limited to the manifested version we often pursue so fervently we forget our initial intention to seek Him. it is not the intense emotion or the shivers down your spine. God is omnipresent. all He asks is for us to come with faith and that is when we will find Him.
then one will say, "i know i must come to God, but i've sinned too much and my faith is so small i am embarrassed to come with just these. maybe i should just hide myself in that corner and disappear. i must have been such an eyesore and with what i have, there is no way i have the confidence to even edge an inch closer."
this is a crude representation of what most of us would have felt at a certain point of time, during that deepest dip in our valleys of death. often we are afraid to come to the Lord. we fear that we are too dirty, too unworthy to be accepted in His Holiness. but i learned this liberating fact that JC washed all my sins away on Calvary and there is no more condemnation in Him. the veil has been torn and He made it possible for us to be reconciled with our heavenly Father. through Him and Him alone.
hence, maybe we have low self-esteem, does not matter much as long as we have high-Christ esteem. (PCT, 2009) :D
so, why do we approach this magnificent throne of grace? obviously, to receive mercy and find grace. thus the name, isn't it? :)
here, i have some bits to share. i hate being repetitious but i can't help it this time. you never know what you have until you lose it. i have been sick for the past two weeks, falling in and out of an inconsistent bout of flu, exhibiting various symptoms each time: severe headache two sundays ago, that extended into a sickie on the following monday, felt better, back to the drills and grumpy patients, then started sneezing nonstop during the whole friday afternoon, my patients might have thought their dentist had the swine flu, they rushed out of the surgery as soon as we're finished. i was naughty and stayed up late on the weekends, resulting in a bad sorethroat and, literally, saturday night [in bed with] fever. those two weeks, i skipped three prayer meetings.
i used to pride myself in being consistent. when i put myself to do something, i do it wholeheartedly, seriously and consistently, which principle is also applicable to my Christian life. i never want to do anything out of a burden, so when i commit myself to one particular responsibility, i make sure this is what i want to do and i will see it through to the end. i never missed prayer meetings in a row until last week. at first i felt bad, then i felt down, then i felt nothing. praying became difficult for apparent reasons i know yet i did not want to admit.
wednesday evening, i decided "this has to stop". gathered every ounce of whatever courage left, i knelt down with resolve and simply prayed, "God help me", and did, He help me. mercy and grace flowed down and i found Him. and boy, i missed Him! it's an old flame rekindled, burns brighter than ever. i lost the joy of His fellowship. thus, when it was found, it became clearer that it is the most beautiful thing in the world. never again i am letting go.
seek and you will find.
seek Him and you will find Him.
love, allie~
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